[Karenanne]

My husband and I have a 2 1/2 year old son and we are going to start the adoption process in the next few months for our second child. I really want a daughter to complete our family. Is it wrong of me to want a daughter. I mean I would feel so blessed with either gender but I think it would be wonderful to have a girl and boy. If you have selected the gender of your child what were your reasonings? Happy Holidays to All!!!

[joskids]

The only time we asked for a particular gender was our last adoption. We had two boys and a girl and really wanted our daughter to have a sister, if possible. Ultrasound, in this case, said "girl" but if it would have turned out to be a boy that would have been fine. As it is, it's a "she" and, yes, I think it's fair. If the agency allows it and that's what you would like to do, let them know. It may mean you wait longer as some birthmothers do not know the sex and generally it is based on ultrasound so can be wrong.

Josie

[teranga]

Since you are considering adopting from China, you would be pretty well guaranteed a girl, no matter what, if you are considering a "healthy" child.

If you choose to adopt from another country, where there are equal numbers (or close to it) of boys and girls available, I'd say it is still fine to specify gender. Girls are requested far more than boys in every int'l program in the world, so they generally have longer wait times, but in terms of being "fair"? I say yes. Don't even worry about what others say--just do what is right for your family.

Good luck!

Teranga
Mom to 2 bio children (girls) and 1 adopted child from Ethiopia (boy)

[Yash]

My son will be 2 in less than 2 weeks and I'm working on adoption number 2, also. My SW and agency know that I really, really, really want a girl and everyone is understanding of that and supports my decision. Though I did say if the wait was extremely long for a girl, I would be more than happy with a boy. Particularly a boy born during the winter time since I saved all my son's baby clothes.

Yash

[jaenelle]

Vince and I both really wanted a girl. Don't really know why, but we did. If we adopt again, I think we may be open to gender and just see what the Lord brings us... but there's nothing wrong with requesting a specific gender. You have to do what's right for YOU.

[WetzFam]

To those who think it’s not fair to be able to request gender since with a natural birth you can’t, I say: True, but hey, for a natural birth you don't have to first discuss your history, religion, health, and finances with a complete stranger who holds your future plans in their hands. Adoption is difficult, so it should get to have its own perks too, I say!

Wendy (Oregon)

[traceyk]

We already had two bio daughters and put in for either because we felt if we got preg. we wouldn't get the choice and our goal was to have another baby regardless of gender. But that is what was right for us. We were given the choice of both originaly and we went with a girl because the boy had b-father unknown and was more of a risk, given the opposite I would have gone with the boy. BUT, it fell through and two days later we got a call about Drihan and you guessed it, b-father unknown, but we went with it anyway. She definitely was meant for us. My DH is happy with his princess Your wait will be shorter if you don't specify in a domestic(not sure on international).

[Yash]

The wait is longer internationally (except for China) if you request a girl.

[joskids]

Wendy, you are right on. Just wanted to tell you so.

Josie

[rredhead]

I have to agree with Wendy, who put succinctly what I have thought for quite some time. Thank you!
We'll specify a girl next time, as it is important to me to have at least one boy and one girl. The term people use is "family balance." I think it's completely fair.
I also point out that science has found a way for people to choose the gender of their babies. Couples can choose which embryos to implant, male or female. I'm not sure how often it's done, but I believe I read about it in the context of ensuring that a baby would not have gender-related diseases, such as hemophilia.
And though the wait will most likely be longer for a girl, if you're open in terms of race or special needs, "longer" might mean a couple of weeks, at least domestically.

Good luck & God bless!

[loveajax]

Wendy, I love it!!!

[lolagranola]

I do not believe we should be able to choose gender.

If you were having a bio-baby, you can't (well, mostly) select a gender. It does not seem right that you can with adoption. I have a friend who is a surragate mom to a couple who chose to only implant female embryos. This is so offensive to me!!

If you give people options, they will utilize choice!

BTW, we are requesting a girl! And I too agree with Wendy!

[teranga]

I don't understand your post. You don't think people should be able to choose gender, but you are requesting a girl??

Confused.

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by teranga

I don't understand your post. You don't think people should be able to choose gender, but you are requesting a girl??

Confused.

me, too. weird.

[traceyk]

I am a bit confused too. Our goal persoanlly was to have another baby, not another daughter or son. If that makes sense. We went through infertility hell not to get picky in the end. To each their own. Gee, I hope they at least donate the male embryos to someone who is appreciative enough just to have a baby.