[anarchamama]

When I take a step back and stop thinking about it for a few days it all seems logical and doable. But when I start really getting into it aggain (readingbooks, sorting agencies, doing research) it starts to feel really overwhelming. Both the adoption process and the issues involved in transracial adoption, and I start to think maybe its not for us. Is this normal to go back and forth so much. I tend to be to analytical and overdo everything, so I have to put some faith in my gut feeling of this being a good path for us, but at the same time I have to not just view it entirely through rose tinted glasses. KWIM?

Heather

[Linny]

Heather:
I guess my first question would be 'what specifically is bothering you...which issues in adoption and the transracial part are of concern?'

I ask this, because some of these may just be 'the jitters'......but others may be that gut reaction that's really saying, "You really shouldn't do this right now until you feel more at peace about it."

I've been torn before, but it was more because of our previous experiences that brought about the anxiety---or anything close to it. But, I've also been in the position where I was really physically sick to consider 'going through with it'. THAT kind of reaction from me, is when I know, 'Ought oh! This is something we shouldn't even consider....'

Hope this helps. Feel free to pm me if you'd rather....

Sincerely,

Linny

[joskids]

It IS overwhelming. It prepares us for parenthood. (I didn't say it was FAIR). I felt the same way all four times we decided to do this, again and again and again and again. And ALWAYS, it was worth every single of moment I felt overwhelmed. Hope that helps. All of ours were children of color. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk about that.

Josie

[loveajax]

Heather, I have yet to meet anyone who is not overwhelmed by the adoption process so it is totally normal!

I remember that after we were matched with DD, I decided that I needed to read (from start to finish) a book called, "Talking to Young Children about Adoption." I really should have been reading some of those newborn books, cuz I had no freaking idea how to deal with a newborn but I thought it was important that I "master" adoption (haha!). And I really hadn't given much thought to the fact that DD was going to be biracial. Recently, I started reading all this stuff about transracial families and then started to feel a little overwhelmed again (like I needed to master these issues today, yet they will be lifelong issues)!

The reality is is that there are "issues" with adoption and there are "issues" with raising children of a different race, but in my experience (to date) it is simply really the day to day parenting joys and challenges that are the focus of my life.

Please know that you are completely NORMAL, and use all your support systems (including these boards). Good luck to you!

[anarchamama]

Well part of the issue for me is that I could have another biological child, which I don't really relish the thought of but at least its predictable. So when we talk/think about it causually, I love the idea of opening up our family to a child who is in need of a home, it seems silly to have another biochild. And I feel like we have a very strong family with lots of support etc.......But then when I get down to the nitty gritty of adoption and everything that comes with it, it just seems like it would be so much easier and more pragmatic to have a biological child.

DH and I are going to the provincial 1 day adoption workshop this week, which hopefully will lhelp us think about it a little more. And I ordered In our own voices, I'm also hoping to find some insight there.

Heather

[LorynJohn]

Anarchamama---I think I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about.

We were JUST approved for our adoption. The first hurdle in adoption. It kept me BUSY just trying to reach the goal. We WANT another child to parent. It wasnt until the adoption was approved that I had time to sit back and PONDER the potential details.

I started reading about parenting a biracial baby--becoming a transracial family--etc, etc. I think my reading has only INCREASED my fears of "what if". My DH in all of HIS wit and wisdom has advised me to STOP READING! Said we have been successful in raising our two boys and we will do JUST FINE with our adopted child.

I appreciate his simplistic optomism however, I DO think we need to be armed for what we are about to embark on.

There are days I worry about things from HOW will I learn to fix her hair....to.....how will I deal with racism? And everything inbetween.

Some days I get cold feet. Some days I wonder if its FAIR for us to bring a biracial child into a cc family---will our child feel she got the short end?? Thats just honest. But MOSTLY I cant WAIT to meet our new child! I believe we CAN handle any obsitcle that comes our way in the best way we can.

I wonder if ANYONE ever has all the answers. I wonder if ANYONE ever goes into this with NO fears, NO questions, NO hesitation. I wonder if Im WRONG to feel these ways.

I love this child already. I think thats why I want whats best for them. I hope and PRAY thats US.

Long story short. I think its good to know you are not alone. At least as far as I'M concerned!! xoL