[shy_bear]

your children already in the home? So here is our situation. We are going to be having our homestudy updated within the next couple of weeks. We are attempting to adopt through foster care. Both of our girls are adopted. Oldest in Caucasian and youngest is Caucasian/ Persian. We have thus far put that we are open to everything but full AA. (We are aware that sometime biracial children can and are darker skinned than many AA people.) My hubby and I go back and forth on this. I am open to any race. He feels that in this country adopting a child that is Asian or Hispanic is not "frowned" upon, but when a white family adopts an AA child it can become an issue with others. He is worried how that will impact our girls. Have a friend of a friend whose family adopted an AA little boy, he and his sister who is their bio child have no relationship now. She has resented the fact that she was constantly having to explain their family to others. I feel if we have any child tha is not Caucasian we will have to explain ourselves. Has anyone elses kids felt this way? Do strangers question your family and put you in an akward position? Did anyone else have these concerns or fears before adopting a child of a diff. race? Thanks.

[vegangoddess]

hello, we have adopted twice.. our eldest is full aa our baby is medateranian/aa and looks quite fair. we have no regrets in our adopting transracially. we have never been really asked awkward questions and have never felt the need to explain our families make up.it is working for us...... that being said, i feel if your husband feels strongly about this situation, it may not be ideal for him. our children are young....we have more obstacles to overcome when they reach teen years. perhaps you should join or visit a transracial adoption group and ask some questions. most families welcome questions and answer quite candidly....... good luck on your up and coming growing family

[misuspotts]

We have two biological children, ages 15 and 18, and a pre-adoptive placement of three AA children. We also live in a predominately white area. In the three months the children have been with us we have had no negative comments or treatment, nor has it been an issue with the older kids. This may be because of their age.

[loveajax]

I honestly expect that this would not be an issue for your kids, and that they would love and protect any sibling that they have. That said, it sounds like your DH feels differently and I always say that DH and I have to be on the "same page" about these issues. Good luck!!

[wishing4more]

As the mom of 4 beautiful AA children adopted transracially...

It's sometimes hard to not analyze every aspect of an adoption and its effect on our existing family. In alot of ways it is a good thing to do so that we are sure of what we desire and can handle.

IMO if you desire to adopt a child transracially, then do it. Your children will view your family as beautiful just as long as it was something you celebrated and welcomed.

My advice though is to not adopt a biracial AA/whatever if you are not equally as open to full AA. It is simply not fair to the child IMO. A biracial child will be looked at as AA by society and certainly won't be immune to racism.

[teranga]

I think transracial adoption is really becoming more and more common, so most people "get" that is what is going on with your family. We have 2 bio cc daughters and our son is Ethiopian. The only people who have ever asked questions are kids, and they certainly aren't being judgemental, they're just curious. Our kids are young, but it tends to go like this "why is your brother brown when you're not?" "because he was born in Africa and they are brown there." "oh". And that's pretty much the end of it.

I think this is true with any race other than your own, but I will say that the main thing I've noticed is that I can no longer be anonymous, and sometimes I'd just like to go to the supermarket and not be noticed. The attention is always good--lots of smiles and hellos to my son, but we definitely don't blend in any more.

Overall, I really don't think it's a big deal to people. Do you care if someone adopts a child who is cc or Chinese, or Liberian or AA? I don't and I don't think most other people do either!!

I do agree with the other poster though about you adopting an AA/cc child. If your husband isn't comfortable with a full AA child, then you probably shouldn't adopt an AA/CC child either. Keep in mind many "full" AAs have cc in them as well, so they may be lighter than a baby whose parents are AA/CC. If a child is black, s/he will be treated as AA, regardless of whether her mother or father is CC.

Mainly I'd say go with what you're both comfortable with. There are kids of many races out there who need homes, so if there are races you can agree on, that sounds like hte way to go!

Teranga

[traceyk]

We have two bio teens and they weren't fazed in the least about it. We too live in a 1200 person town and Drihan is one of 3 AA people and we have no problems. When people see us they acknowledge her as "Bretta or Chelsey's baby sister" it's funny. If you have raised your other children to be tolerant than don't worry about it. As for DH maybe he needs to speak to some people who have transracial families. It sounds like he is uncomfortable. There are plenty of books out there as well. Any child that has part AA in them is considered black and your family will become part of the black community as well that is the bottom line he needs to be comfortable with being identified with that child.

[teranga]

One other thing. I tihnk it would be good for your dh to get more input from others whose children are grown (both AA and CC children in same family) or at least older than mine....you said friends of yours have kids who don't get along b/c of the resentment stemming from a transracial adoption.

I guess my thought there is that there are plenty of families who have kids who resent one another for one reason or another even when all the kids are of one race......it might say more about those individual children/that specific family than the state of interracial families in general...

[hotspice58]

Transracial adoption is more accepted now. That being said, don't do aa/cc and think it will be easier. Read about Halle Berry, who is aa/cc but has had to deal with racism. If your family is tolerant, race shouldn't be a problem.

[leatherette]

I have a bio son who is White (6) and a daughter (3) who was adopted when my son was three years old. He loves her so much. The kids in his class (of all ethnicities and races) love her. She gets extra love and attention from the AA kids in the class, and I just see that as her being set up to have a support system of older AA kids once she's in school.

I am sure that there are people who see our family and have a problem with it, but the response we see is almost entirely positive.

We are mostly in our neighborhood, which by now has had three years to get used to us (if they needed to - transracial adoption is quite common here). Sometimes we get a double take if we go to new area, but that's it. If people stare, I have learned how to look them in the eye and smile.

And I agree with the previous posters who warned against adopting a biracial child if you are not comfortable with full AA. I think there are often trickier race issues to confront as a biracial child grows up.

L.

L.

[joskimo]

I want to agree with most everything posted here. My bio daughter loves her sister, but like her parents, couldn't care less if Hannah were green with purple polka dots. My older daughter is cc/na and baby daughter is aa. The two of them with their 10 year age difference, are really a mutual admiration society.

I also want to 2nd the notion of biracial, you never know what color a baby will be and with a biracial child you don't have any less responsibility teaching them about their aa heritage.

I do want to add that we do get questions but that's because we're a conspicious family, it's not so much a racial issue as it is obvious that we've adopted. As a transracial family you'll have to learn that you can't fly under the radar any longer, people will look and people will ask. Young children will especially be bold with questions. But I think that's okay for the most part.