[CalandraLark]

Ok so, I've become really passionate about the blooming prejudice towards males in society in general, do mostly to the negative stereotypes and attitudes of the second wave of "feminism". I'm all for the old-fashioned feminism, not allowing prejudice against women, but it's gone so far that the some of the same sort of things that were so objected to in 1910 are being done to males. "Women can't do anything important and aren't as good as men" has turned into "Men can't do anything important and aren't as good as women" Whether you believe this to be true or not, you can’t deny that the media and other aspects of US culture is certainly subliminally pushing this idea.

Anyway, I've notice the effects of this are slowly creeping into adoption, more and more people just want to have girls and view boys as "difficult" and "not as much fun for parents"

Something I really haven't seen addressed much but seems to be true to some extent is that more people prefer girls when adopting children of different races than themselves. This is certainly backed up to some extent by the fact that the wait for AA boys and boys in international programs is often significantly sorter and actually stated by many agencies that there are more boys available. I'm really curious what you're impressions of this idea are. Please step up and post if you have an opinion on any of this.

There are several possible reasons this is true (if you believe it is). Here are a few I came up with:

First: the idea of boys as ‘bad’ or not as nice to have as girls.

Second: the sectional racial prejudice that it’s more important that for males to be the same as their father or adoptive families, to conform to the expectations.

And Third: the fact that the ideas of beauty and attractiveness are much faster to accept different races in women. For example, modeling shows and actresses are more an more encouraging to AA, Asian, etc… and present them as beautiful. There are a lot fewer African American men widely considered unbelievably good-looking as there are women, such as Halle Berry. And when was the last time you saw an Asian man as the main romantic lead?

[BrandyHagz]

Actually, you will find that the trend in adoption is that a female child is more preferred than a male child, regardless of race...its been that way for decades...I'd venture to say, long before "feminism" was even an issue...

There are a number of threads on the topic throughout the forums – most of which have likely been closed – because as with everything else adoption related, choosing gender is just as much a personal decision as choosing to adopt, everyone has their own comfort level and no one should be judged for deciding what works best in their family.

[mommamarci]

We did not specify race, but if it came down to it, I would have chosen a boy. There is one overriding reason: I am terrified of the hair! A boy will be easier because we can just keep it cut short while he is little. If he wants to grow it out once he gets older, we will learn how to fix it together. However, I was terrified I would not be bale to fix a little girl's hair and she would stand out even more and be made fun of. Kind of a dumb reason. Plus I think boys are so much fun!

This is my husband's philosophy: With a son, you have to worry about one little penis, with a girl have to worry about all of them!!

[KarynB]

Ok - here is my 2 cents for what it is worth - and I could be TOTALLY wrong here - but here is one thought...

I think that because of most adoptive parents' struggle with infertility and then the long, tedious process of the adoption itself, many adoptive parents have a much more romanticized ideal of pregancy and childbirth than couples who say "get pregnant in first month" sort of thing. So - that "romantic" idea of raising a child is transferred into ribbons, bow, dresses...and maybe the idea that girls will be more cuddly and dependent than boys will. Remember this is just an idea - not saying everyone is like this or thinks this....

We are adopting internationally and want either boy or girl, IMHO they both have their challenges and rewards!

Interesting thread though....

[loveajax]

We were open to either gender (we adopted a biracial girl). I have to say when I found out it was a girl, my heart sang because I (secretly!! really really) wanted a girl. If we adopt again, we plan to be open to either gender again (and will probably have a "preference" for a biracial child)....I can see the benefits of having a boy and a girl or for my DD to have a sister.....I do think, while both AA and biracial boys and girls face certain amounts of stereotyping and discrimination, AA and biracial boys probably get the "worst" of it (which is sad and wrong, obviously).

[bajj]

Personally, both of my adoptions are transracial and both are boys. I didn't specify a gender. Actually, the agency I use doesn't allow you to, but dh and I decided ahead of time that we wouldn't, anyway.

I had never thought of people preferring girls. Maybe I'll have a girl someday, but maybe I'll have all boys. I leave it in God's hands. That is just MHO.

Interesting topic, and sad, too. I love my boys and they are so neat! I don't check my 5 year old's pockets before laundry anymore. I make him pull them out because I've found too many "pets" that didn't make it in his pocket like he thought they would. I don't think this is just a boy thing, though. I have a friend whose little girl is like that!

[traceyk]

We put in for either gender because if we had gotten preg. we wouldn't be choosing. We had no preference, it just so happened our bundle of joy happened to be a girl. If it had been a boy it would have been a neat experience raising a boy after already raising two girls. We only put in for full AA or biracial, but knew we most likely would get full AA.

[hotspice58]

I think society has a more "girls aren't rough; girls are easier to raise" mentality. I fost/adopt and my mom said at first to go for 2 girls. I went along with that because I'm divorced and there's no male figure for boys to emulate. However, after having 2 girls for a months, I've had a total of 4 boys (2 were RU) and I love it!!!! I go to football and baseball games. I wouldn't mind a girl, but I think I would prefer boys after this.

[agvelas]

When we put are papers in we put boy or girl any race we really didn't care because if we had are own baby we would not no the sex. When the call came and it was a girl we said yes then 6 months later a nother call came and it was a nother girl we said yes we did not care boy girl we wanted a baby so we had two babies in 6 months time but let me tell you boys hair would be easyer to do. I learn how to braid hair fast.

April me
3 bio kids in their 20
and adoped daughters both 3yrs old now

[Linny]

Only with our last two did we ever specify a preference. And to be honest, I never thought we would do that. (There were many reasons why, that I won't express here.)
Still, we would never have turned down a situation just because of gender. (Our last two babies were already born.)

I CAN tell you though....after having raised an infant boy to adulthood, that part of my thinking on having a boy, is that dh and I think our society puts way too much emphasis on 'having to be all boy'. Around here, it's more than common to find little boys' clothing so stereotyped with ages 12months and up, being stamped with some sports, truck, or military affiliation! When we were stationed in Japan, the boys' clothing 'allowed' them to stay a little boy, without defining them as a jock, a redneck or ready to go into combat, at such an early age!!!! Perhaps it's just the area we live in---and I suspect it is, but boys' clothing around here---stinks! LOL

This time around, I can tell you that it would be easier to have another girl, simply because of the items we already have in 'hand-me-downs'. (Not to worry, our kids don't exclusively wear hand-me-downs.) And, it's been a long time since we had a baby boy around here. Even our daughters now ask, "If we have a little boy, we'll have to go shopping, right momma?"
I reply, "Yes we will!"

Societally, I think adoptive couples Do request more girls than boys. We want to adopt only AA babies (possibly bi-racial), and I've heard this is more widely asked with couples adopting AA babies, than other races. Sadly, I suspect it's in the stereotyping through the media and such; but, as one poster said, 'If you were getting pregnant, you'd seldom have a choice.'

To each his own.......

Sincerely,

Linny

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by loveajax

We were open to either gender (we adopted a biracial girl). I have to say when I found out it was a girl, my heart sang because I (secretly!! really really) wanted a girl. If we adopt again, we plan to be open to either gender again (and will probably have a "preference" for a biracial child)....I can see the benefits of having a boy and a girl or for my DD to have a sister.....I do think, while both AA and biracial boys and girls face certain amounts of stereotyping and discrimination, AA and biracial boys probably get the "worst" of it (which is sad and wrong, obviously).

In 1997/98 when I first started the adoption process, I was told my baby would be a boy and I was happy. I got all ready for a new baby boy. But when he turned out to be a sweet little girl, my heart sang, too! It was just a wonderful surprise. But if she had been a boy, I'm sure I would have been just as thrilled.

The second time around, I didn't specify gender-but had another girl. I was really happy this time, too. I was glad Maire-Kate would have a sister. I love having sisters and I'm glad she has the opportunity to have one, too.

I would love, love, love to have an African American son join my little girls. Maybe ..someday.

[jennmomtothree]

We never specified sex or race. So far, we have multiracial boy, African American girl, African American boy.

I do understand that for some, the idea of one day standing next to an African American man (with all the stereotypes people hold about them) and saying, "This is my son" is a little daunting.

I don't personally feel that way. But how many photos of black men have you seen on the news, in a positive light? Usually, the newscasters are presenting some kind of criminal. It's really too bad.

I love both of my sons in the very same way that I love my daughter. I hope that all of my children will have the chance to grow up to be respected by, and respectful of, others.

[2manyks]

we never specified gender either. first ababy was a boy, seconf sib set, a girl & a boy. i will tell you the girl is by far the hardest to raise. but the truth is i don't think it's because she is a girl. i think it's because of things that happened to her before she came to be mine. AND the things that happened to her was because she was a girl. confusing, but do you understand what i mean. her brother didn't have the same abuse because he is a boy. we are matched again, but don't know the gender of the baby yet. it really doesn't matter. it is a child.

[leatherette]

We did not specify gender, but were happy to adopt a daughter as we already had a son and plan to be done at two. But the idea of a little brother for our very "boy" son was appealing as well. We ended up with a daughter who is classically feminine in many ways, but can definitely run with the boys.

L.

[Shai's Mom]

I have one bio-DD and never had been around little boys. So, when it came to adoption DH and I asked for a girl, because that's what I/we knew how to raise. We were matched with a little boy and took him without thinking twice about his gender.

Our second adoption we asked for a girl, because we thought it would be nice to have one of each. Again, we were matched with a little boy and again, when it came to accepting the match, the gender issue didn't even come up.

We are on the waiting list to adopt our third child. I would love to have a little girl, just to be able to buy little dresses and hair-clips etc. Our luck she would be the worst tom-boy in the neighborhood and wouldn't be caught dead wearing a dress.

We love our two little bandits and are totally convinced that they are the most awesome kids in the whole world.. But, isn't that so for every parent?