[Quesita]

I've read the thread "Is being selective about race is a cop out?" with much fascination. I thank everyone who has contributed to an important dialog. I've decided to pose a very personal variation on that question.

A little bit about me. I am a caucasion "older" single woman. I've lived and worked and traveled extensively in Latin America. I speak Spanish fluently, and Portuguese competantly. In my NYC neighborhood of Jackson Heights, I am a minority. About 20% of the population is "caucasion non-hispanic" according to recent census data. Almost half the population is "hispanic," from a diverse set of countries including Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Mexico, The Dominican Republic... probably in that order... and other countries as well. There is a significant South Asian population as well... mostly from Bangladesh, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan. Many other immigrant groups are represented as well.

I am surrounded by people speaking Spanish. When I join in, in my mostly-Mexican accent, people usually look at me oddly and ask where I am from. More often than not, they guess Argentina...as a way of explaining my blond hair, blue eyes, fair skin, and Spanish fluency. Ha.

I work in an educational program for adult immigrants. Our students come from more than 40 countries. My staff speak 13 languages collectively, and hail from every populated continent on earth!

So here I am...considering adoption options. As it says in my sig I was really excited to learn that Guatemala was an available option for a single older woman. I worked extensively with Guatemalan refugees living in Mexico in the 1980's during the civil war. I've also traveled extensively through Guatemala. I've become a Guatemalan Forum addict in a short amount of time. I get soooo excited when someone says where their baby is from. Flores Peten!!!! Santiago Atitlan!!! Huehuetenango!!!! I know these places!!! I want a baby from "there!"

I really want a baby from Guatemala. I want a baby girl. I want to take her to Tikal when she is old enough, and sit on the top of Temple VI in the moonlight, and squint together as we look out at the ancient city that was so much more advanced (scientifically, mathematically, even artistically) than the European cities of my ancestors. I want to read the Popul Vu together.... the creation story of the Mayan people. I've gotten myself all worked up.

But there is a little bit of guilt nagging at me.

A lot of people want babies from Guatemala. There are 6 million orphans in Ethiopia. I've never been to Ethiopia. I've been studying up a bit... looking at pictures of land and people. I know nothing about the culture. The languages. The practices. I've never heard Ahmaric (sp) spoken.

I feel like a SHOULD adopt from Ethiopia. The need is so great. I feel like I WANT to adopt from Guatemala. I know the culture. I know the language, and my child would certainly grow up bilingual in this neighborhood. I know a few people of Mayan descent, mostly from Oaxaca, but a few from Guatemala. From within my circle of friends, she could have Mayan role models... learn a bit of the language... the traditions...

I've talked about it with a lot of people. One friend said "If you decide on Ethiopia, you will become an expert on Ethiopia in no time." Another said Guatemala, with no reservation. Then she said no... I should get one from each country!!!!

Ok... I've rambled enough. Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far. Tomorrow I leave for vacation, and it is my plan to spend the time deciding. I will probably be back from vacation, having made my decision, before I read any responses.

But let me pose the question anyway. If I chose Guatemala, am I being selfish or pragmatic?

[vernellinnj]

Chiming in. IMO, there is no SHOULD when it comes to adoption. Do what you think is best for you. Based on what you said, sounds to me like that's Guatemala. But of course, only you can decide....

"But let me pose the question anyway. If I chose Guatemala, am I being selfish or pragmatic?" IMO, you would not be selfish to choose Guatemala.

[TLC]

Very interesting story and background. I have some similar background and struggled a bit with this decision too.
The more you learn about international adoption the more you see how great the need is-worldwide.

For me, I found it best to continue with Guatemala.
I have a son adopted from there and now 2 on the way.
I learned all about the Ethiopian programs- even called some agencies.

For me to find peace -I found orphanges to send financial support to in Africa and Ethiopia. Just because I chose not to be a parent to these orphans does not mean that I will abandon those in need.

God calls us to help the poor in many ways. I prayed for a sign and He showed me the way.

Your love of Guatemala is amazing!
Your love and empathy for Ethiopia is equally enchanting.
May God guide your steps and bring you closer to your children.
If you look on the Ethiopian Board you will see many visiting from the Guatemalan site, too!
TLC

[TLC]

Very interesting story and background. I have some similar background and struggled a bit with this decision too.
The more you learn about international adoption the more you see how great the need is-worldwide.

For me, I found it best to continue with Guatemala.
I have a son adopted from there and now 2 on the way.
I learned all about the Ethiopian programs- even called some agencies.

For me to find peace -I found orphanges to send financial support to in Africa and Ethiopia. Just because I chose not to be a parent to these orphans does not mean that I will abandon those in need.

God calls us to help the poor in many ways. I prayed for a sign and He showed me the way.

Your love of Guatemala is amazing!
Your love and empathy for Ethiopia is equally enchanting.
May God guide your steps and bring you closer to your children.
If you look on the Ethiopian Board you will see many visiting from the Guatemalan site, too!
TLC

[kidmd2b]

You in no way should feel guilty because an orphan needs a home no matter where they come from. Dh and I were going to adopt from the Philippines since he is Filipino, but we were so impressed by the positives of the Ethiopian program that we are adopting from Ethiopia instead. It would have been easier culturally to have a Filipino child because we already know the culture. Sometimes the easiest is necessarily the best. We have enjoyed learning about Ethiopia. It is whatever is in your heart. Guatemalan orphans deserve a home just as much as Ethiopian orphans. If you are drawn to Guatemala, make sure it is still stable and go for it.
Cindy

[Linny]

I don't think you are being selfish, regardless of which country you choose to adopt from. Either way, you're adopting from a country that has babies/children who need homes, and that's what it's all about when you get right down to it.

Each of us has a piece of the puzzle to fulfill. I've stated my beliefs on couples adopting across racial lines; and continue to feel that if they cannot deal with the differences, they should stay within their own race. Whether I agree with the reasonings for choosing same race, it has to do with how that family can feel about their baby.
In your case, either country you choose is dealing with babies that have a different skin tone than your own. Your experiences are vast and wide; and while it is helpful to know about the country, the bottom line is how you connect with your new baby. I think you've answered that question; and it would seem that skin tone is not an issue with you.

Good luck on your journey, regardless of the country--I hope your wait is short. My best to you!

Sincerely,

Linny

[jaenelle]

The way I look at it, is no matter where we adopt from, we are adopting a child who needs a home.

Without wanting to sound too "preachy", I believe God calls each of us to adopt the child we're meant to have. Maybe that child is in Guatemala, maybe it's in Ethiopia. Maybe it's right here in the US, as is my case.

No, you don't have to feel guilty for choosing whatever you choose. It has to be whatever is right for you, and I firmly believe that you will know that when it comes time to know it.

Good luck with whatever country you choose.

[Fran27]

I think that if your heart is set on Guatemala, go for it! You might learn from Ethiopia if you adopted there, but from what you've said, you would be a wonderful mom for a Guatemala girl, and she would grow up in a great environment for her origin.

And who knows, maybe down the road you will get another child from Ethiopia...

[loveajax]

Quesita, I think it is so great that you are excited to adopt from Guatamala. A really good friend of mine just adopted two kids from there and is so happy. I say go for it too...I understand what you are saying, but you want to start the process being really excited and energized and it sounds like you are!

[wishing4more]

First of all, good luck on your adoption journey!

My advise...go with your heart. We all come to adoption with different needs and different dreams.

It is not wrong to let your love of a culture fuel your desire to adopt from a particular country.

[Quesita]

I want to thank everyone for your feedback. I'm back from my wonderful vacation with Mom. (OT...she is really excited about the idea of becoming a grandma!!!!)

So I have decided that I am going to start my adoption in Guatemala. If it is meant to be, I will have a beautiful daughter from Guatemala. If the Hague raises its nasty head, that means that the universe has other plans for me... and that I am meant to have a beautiful daughter from Ethiopia!

I plan to finally sign with an agency next week. They work in both countries.

[TLC]

KC,
Congrats on your decision. Making that decision may be your hardest part in the whole process. You will make a great mom. It is obvious you are very thoughtful, caring and genuine. Thanks for allowing us to be part of your journey to motherhood!
God bless you as you move forward,
TLC

[loveajax]

Ditto what TLC said!! By the way, if you want to pm me, I can give you the name of the agency that is highly recommended by my friend who just adopted 2 beautiful kids from Guatamala.

[teranga]

As you've made up your mind (congratulations!) I suppose this is a bit late in coming, but here is what I was thinking as I was reading your initial question.

You described so many wonderful things about Guatemala, with such energy and love. You described, very factually, a need for homes for children in Ethiopia.

I think it is SO important for children being adopted internationally to know the GOOD things about where they are from. You know these things about Guatemala. Your excitement about it is clear, and will be obvious to your child. You will be able to connect her to her country of birth in Guatemala in a way you cannot do in Ethiopia. You can read about Ethiopia, have a visit there, but you won't understand it like you do Guatemala, and what a wonderful gift to be able to give a child.

We chose Ethiopia b/c we did the Peace Corps in Africa, speak a local language, and know many of the customs. We've also travelled quite a bit there, but that is nothing like living there, which is how our bond was really formed. We LOVE it there, it's like a second home, and we love to share all the amazing things about it. The country in which we did Peace Corps does not have an adoption program, but there are many similarities with subsistance farming there, and where our son from Ethiopia was born. I cannot wait to share some of this with him when he is older. And I would love to go back, many many times.

The other thing I thought I'd mention is that it seems that you are interested in adopting a young girl. If it makes you feel any better , there are no shortage of families waiting for young girls in Ethiopia. There are waiting lists, in fact. So it is not like you are making a decision that would mean a girl is (or is not) spending her life in an orphanage. A healthy, young girl will be adopted from Ethiopia--some agencies are putting applications on hold b/c there are so many families. It was different a few years ago, but the program is very popular now, and still growing.

So go with your heart!!


Teranga