[heatherc11]

Hi everyone! My husband and I (Caucasian) want to adopt a AA or mixed race baby. Is there anyone out there who wants to share some of the challenges that you have faced?

[traceyk]

We were a CC family (me, DH 2 bio teens) until we adopted Drihan at 3 days old and we haven't run into any negative issues and hope not to. Even having breastfed her for 9 mo. even in public we had no issues. We usually get comments from small children who are just making an observation on the difference in color, but it is never in a negative way. But I know we are still new on this journey.

[HCsMom]

Hello There and Welcome to the boards!

You will find a wealth of information here as yousurf around. We are a CC family who has been blessed w/ an AA baby girl almost one year ago. I say blessed because that is exactly what it has been...A BLESSING.

Our family did not begin this adoption process thinking that we would adopt an AA child, in fact quite the opposite! God had other plans and I am so glad that we listened to what He had for our lives.

As for the challenges....Mostly, the challenges reside in my own mind. I find myself looking at others and gauging their reaction to our family. This is wrong and I shouldn't do it. No man can tell what another is thinking. Regardless, I find myself doing it over and over. Most respond with a huge smile, but occasionally you catch a glimpse that makes you so angry you could just burst.

Be prepared to be looked at, a lot, especially in public. People constantly comment on our daughter saying how cute she is, or where is she from, or ask her name - anything to start the conversation. Now, let me say she is a BEAUTIFUL child. I believe that people would be drawn to her, if she had a Mother who shared her skin color. However with the three of us looking different, people can't help but look. It used to concern me - that we would stand out too much. Now, I see it as an asset. When people ask, and yes they will ask, I use it as an opportunity to tell them how God has blessed our life with her. It is also a great chance to tell them about adoption. Many people will tell you that they've "thought of adopting".

You won't believe the opportunities that you get to talk with people who would have never approached you before. Your world opens up and you begin to care about topics that never interested you before. Race starts to matter to you. Before our daughter, I rarely thought of race. Issues that are important to the group of people who share the same race as your child become important to you. You will begin to seek out REAL relationships with those who share your child's race. You feel this relation, a kinship with a total different group of people than ever before.

One thing that I worried about before we got our daughter was hair. An AA co-worker of my husband put into words exactly how I felt..."How's your wife going to know how to do a black baby's hair?" 10 months into it, I can confidently say to you DO NOT FEAR! There are great websites out there and so many people are helpful and willing to offer advice.

I could talk for days on this subject. If you want to chat more, PM me. I also have a great web blog that I read for inspiration on transracial adoption. Scroll down to the Transracial blog and don't forget to check out the Ethiopian blog. http://www.adoptionblogs.com/

[rredhead]

DH & I adopted our AA/CC newborn in January. So far, we've only received a few comments, and most of those are just variations on "Why is he black and you're not?" I have a really funny story about a cashier who got incredibly embarassed when she made a silly comment. Anyway, that all said, I've found that the Yahoo! Group Transracial Adoption and Placement has been a great resource to us, since even before we adopted.

Good luck & God Bless!

[tinatyme]

HCsMom . . . wow. That is an incredible way to look at it. It IS an opportunity to promote adoption and why shouldn't people look at your beautiful child!

The challenges I faced growing up as a biracial child and raising biracial children and AA children is more around finding positive role models in the media for them, books that have characters that reflect their reality, even dolls are either black or white. Also their are very few transracial families and images on T.V or in the media for them to connect to.

Sure when we go out some people may stare or ask stupid questions but I tell myself and my children that it is from a lack of knowledge and not malice. For some it might also be jealousy or curiosity in terms of us having a happy family and them wanting to pursue that for themselves.

I found this when I was a teenager ( I think from the Interacial Voice web page) and I posted it on my wall. It perfectly captures how I felt as a biracial child and made me feel proud.


Racially Mixed Bill of Rights

I HAVE THE RIGHT...
Not to justify my existence in this world.
Not to keep the races separate within me.
Not to be responsible for people's discomfort with my physical ambiguity.
Not to justify my ethnic legitimacy.
I HAVE THE RIGHT...
To identify myself differently than strangers expect me to identify.
To identify myself differently from how my parents identify me.
To identify myself differently from my brothers and sisters.
To identify myself differently in different situations.
I HAVE THE RIGHT...
To create a vocabulary to communicate about being multiracial.
To change my identity over my lifetime -- and more than once.
To have loyalties and identification with more than one group of people.
To freely choose whom I befriend and love.

[marcav]

In the 11 months I've had my baby, I've only had one little AA girl ask me why my baby was brown and I'm white I did have an elderly AA couple ask me if he was my grandbaby!

Mary

[Sean Phillips]

My Wife and I adopted our son almost 2 years agao and have found it to be wonderful we are both white and our son Franklin is AA and quite dark now. We relocated to a very rural wyoming town and have not had any issues with it. People look but we think it is because of Franklin's personality and not the differences between us and him.

Before we moved we would get looks and stares and some really ignorant and stupid comments at times. And this was in So. Coalifornia where we though there would not be as much of that.

For those that were really curious we would exlain that Franklin was our son and adopted for those that were ignorant or stupid and jst spouting off my wife and I would say the she carried him for 13 months and he was burnt and they left us alone.

We tend to use humor to mask our total irritation with people who hae no business in the issue.

But everyone knows he is loved and very much our little boy!

[joskids]

Tinatyme, THANK YOU for the "Bill of Rights". We are raising 3 biracial children and I loved this!!! My husband is a very confident black man and we have not experienced much negativity in terms of our interracial marriage and children of varied hues. We are blessed beyond any amount of material wealth and use the questions posted to us to educate others in how adoption has built our family. Again, Tina, thank you. The words are beautiful and to be saved.

Josie

[loveajax]

Heather,

My DH and I adopted a biracial DD who is now 17 months old and, dare I say (!), the most beautiful, wonderful kid in America (OK, I know everyone else feels the same way!).

I have had sort of the "opposite" experience (to date) in that it seems that very few people (who don't know us) think she is adopted. She DOES get a lot of attention because she is just such a ham, but I don't think the stares/comments, etc. are a way for nosy people to find out more about our family. (DH and I do get a lot of, "Is she your FIRST?" haha, since we look like we could prob be her grandparents!)

I suspect that may change as she gets older and it almost makes me feel uneasy when people comment on how much she looks like me or DH. I did have one cashier say, "Is your baby mixed?" I was sort of taken aback and said, "Yes." She said, "OH! I love mixed babies...my boyfriend is domincan and I can't wait to have a mixed baby!"

One thing I think you have to remember is that when you adopt an AA or biracial child, you will be a multiracial FAMILY. I think you have to embrace that and try to do as much as you can to expose your child to other kids/families who look like you. I am hoping to find an IRL support group myself, and try to spend alot of time with my bf and her dd (who are biracial).

There are also great books that can help...I loved "Does Anyone Else Look Like Me" that talks about raising a child in a multiracial family (the author has 2 bio kids that are cc/japanese, but she also covers adoption issues).

I find that I am much more VIGILANT of monitoring people's language, etc. There is still a lot of overt and (from what I have experienced) covert racism in America (sad but true).

There are definitely different "issues" that you have to think about/be prepared for. To be honest with you, until recently, I was more of a "colorblind" advocate...then one day, my mom said, "I love DD so much! I don't care if she's black, white or green!" And I said, "MOM, she IS black." I realized I wanted my DD to be able to fully embrace in our family her racial identity.

I ABSOLUTELY love that Bill of Rights!

I wish you lots of luck in the adoption process and in finding your child.....