[Fran27]

Got to thank the last three posters for raising an excellent point... That's definitely my main worries about transracial adoption, and the same problem that happened to one of my mom's friends (which resulted in the kids not forgiving their parents for adopting them!). That's the reason she was relieved I didn't want to adopt transracially.

Call it racism if you want, I call it trying to do what's best for the children, especially when, like me, you know absolutely nothing about other cultures.

[hotspice58]

Here's my two cents:

First: CC is the only race that doesn't have to interact with other races or cultures. AA, Hispanics and Asians deal with each other and with CC's and hence, know of the different cultures. That's probably the reason for "not feeling comfortable" raising children of color. That being said, in a few years, the country will have people of color as a majority, so maybe those of you who don't interact with others, might want to start. You may learn something.

About CC, Hispanics and Asians being told they act too "white"; I know it's done and it's ridiculous. It's more of a backlash against the oppression and racism but it's still ridiculous.

Those of you who don't feel comfortable with children of a different race: that's fine but please expose your children to them so they don't grow up thinking you have to be white, and the hell with everyone else.

And to the ones who adopt only AA and or AA/CC because of the mean ancestors: wow!! I've never heard that.

But I requested any race and ethnicity to the age of 10. My reasoning is that I commute; I'm single and a teenager would need more. I did cave in and get a 14 yo boy. He needed more and is in an RTC. I consider getting him back but I'm not sure if that's the best thing for him. But after reading other threads, I don't think I could take FAE or bi-polar kids. Am I classist? Probably; but it would be wrong to take a child, not be able to handle him/her and have him/her disrupted.

Thanks for letting me vent!!

[traceyk]

I also feel that some people mix up being raised "black" and being raised "inner city". I don't feel that baggy pants and speaking "ebonics" is a requirement just because a child is black. So with that said, what do you all consider being raised "black" and being raised "white?"

[timni]

I am not taking the bait on that one NO WAY ROFL!!!!

Just kidding. I think it has very little to do with race and more to do with what part of the country and socioeconomic situation.

(Big words hurt my head )

[DreamingAzure]

Originally Posted by traceyk

I also feel that some people mix up being raised "black" and being raised "inner city". I don't feel that baggy pants and speaking "ebonics" is a requirement just because a child is black. So with that said, what do you all consider being raised "black" and being raised "white?"

LOL wow...I agree...loaded question...LOL so much depends on the social and economic class...

I can only hope that it's not being raised either MTV channel or BET channel!!!!

[traceyk]

But my point being is that some people say they can't raise a child to be "black" or raise them right because they are CC, but what does raising a child to be "black" mean? And some say I need to becareful not to raise Drihan "white" well, what does that mean? I will raise Drihan with the same values I raised my older children with, but with the exception of making her more aware of her heritage.

[jillned]

Originally Posted by traceyk

But my point being is that some people say they can't raise a child to be "black" or raise them right because they are CC, but what does raising a child to be "black" mean? And some say I need to becareful not to raise Drihan "white" well, what does that mean? I will raise Drihan with the same values I raised my older children with, but with the exception of making her more aware of her heritage.

Thank You.............This is exactly how I feel about raising my kids. I actually had this discussion with a SW that was at our house checking on 2 foster kids we had at the time. She is also AA and I was very open with her when I asked her about raising our kids "black" and what does that entail. I also asked her why couldn't we raise our kids to be decent, respectful, loving human beings aware of many cultures? I want my kids to realize that there is a whole, big world out there to explore and the color of skin is just that, color. It does not determine who you are and what you do with your life.

[kidmd2b]

To comment on the post on the last page, Hispanic and Asian children are ridiculed just as much as AA children for acting too "white." If the child is Hispanic and is raised by parents who do not speak Spanish, the child will be considered not a "real Hispanic" by his peers and will be taunted by those saying that he is a wannabe white or thinks he is too good to speak Spanish. I've seen this as a high school teacher and in my own family. My dh is Filipino, but is first generation born in America. His parents raised him only speaking English and they only spoke Tagalog amongst themselves and family members. When he associates with Filipino people whether family or a stranger on the street, they expect him to know the language. He understands somewhat, but can't speak back. Many have gotten upset and family members have referred to him as a banana (yellow on the outside and white on the inside). I am not saying this because people should stray from transracially adopting. What I am saying is that no matter what race you are, if you adopt transracially, you have to be equally aware of the challenges that face your family.

[hotspice58]

Raising kids "black": They need to be more careful as cops will question them more; they'll be more suspect. This is true even if CC's don't want to believe it. Midddle class kids wear baggy pants and do the ebonics thing. The difference is-and I tell my sons this-is where it's done. My sons speak "proper" English in public so the first impression people have of them is not a thug. I tell them they speak ebonics and slang to their friends inside. I don't like baggy pants or hats to the side so they don't wear these clothes (when I'm around).

[traceyk]

I agree about being suspected more. I was in a store with Drihan and my two teens last weekend and the guy felt the need to refold the clothes near my teen daughters who are CC. But when a young black man came into the store he automatically walked away and followed him. I was so pissed off at it. It was obvious too.

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by hotspice58

Raising kids "black": They need to be more careful as cops will question them more; they'll be more suspect. This is true even if CC's don't want to believe it.

You know, I think you're generalizing a bit too much... Lots of CC realize that, and that's actually exactly my point about the importance of neighborhood in your choice of race. Put an AA child in a wealthy CC neighborhood, and see who gets stopped by the cops all the time? I'm sure the child will be very grateful after that...

Originally Posted by hotspice58

First: CC is the only race that doesn't have to interact with other races or cultures. AA, Hispanics and Asians deal with each other and with CC's and hence, know of the different cultures. That's probably the reason for "not feeling comfortable" raising children of color. That being said, in a few years, the country will have people of color as a majority, so maybe those of you who don't interact with others, might want to start. You may learn something.

Ok, I'll bite - why don't CC people have to interact with other cultures, compared to the others? I meet people from other races everyday at work - customers and co-workers. I just don't think that talking to someone of another race is enough to pretend to know their culture.

Originally Posted by hotspice58

Those of you who don't feel comfortable with children of a different race: that's fine but please expose your children to them so they don't grow up thinking you have to be white, and the hell with everyone else.

Again, assuming that we are all racist Can I give you some advice too? Please don't bring up your children in such a narrow-minded way.

[hotspice58]

Fran: why would an AA child be grateful about being stopped?
CC's who live in certain areas don't see people of other races and cultures. YOU might depending on where you live and work but trust me, not all CC's do. Hence, the "I don't feel comfortable adopting an AA baby".
I'm very open-minded with my kids. I expose them to all races and ethnicities so they'll be able to interact in a positive way with people.
I would hope that if you do adopt, you would expose your kids to other races and ethnicities.

[hotspice58]

Fran: why would an AA child be grateful about being stopped?
CC's who live in certain areas don't see people of other races and cultures. YOU might depending on where you live and work but trust me, not all CC's do. Hence, the "I don't feel comfortable adopting an AA baby".
I'm very open-minded with my kids. I expose them to all races and ethnicities so they'll be able to interact in a positive way with people.
I would hope that if you do adopt, you would expose your kids to other races and ethnicities.

[awaitingagirl]

OR maybe you both could accept that you have different views and let it be? lol

[lisa in venice]

Since getting involved with me my dh has had many, many experiences where he is the only person of his race in the room or at least only one of a few. That is the every day expereince of most minority people in this country. At your job, in certain parts of town, in many stores and just ordinary situations you are the only one you most adjust to the situations in a way that most CC folk very rarely have to. If you are Black, Brown or Asian, unless you live in a very isolated inner city neighborhood most of your day to day expereinces are with people who are NOT like you. I don't think that is true for most CC folk.

Most of the kids I grew up with in a predominently AA/Hisp neighborhood went to majority CC schools and knew what to do at a Greek Wedding or a Bat Mitzvah. They went to cotillion and ballet class and fencing lessons and stuff with mostly CC kids and learned to fit in. For us passing easily from one racial environment to another is something you have to learn from an early age but with few exceptions that is not the experience of most CC kids because they are in the majority most of the time.

Back to the topic of rasing a kid "Black" I think for some fok it means baggy clothes and Ebonics but for most middle class Black folk those things are just as unacceptable for their kids as White folks. I think rasing them "black" means teaching them to value what is unique and special about all cultures but especially about their own. To teach them that dispite cultural norms they are beautiful and dispite cultural expectations they are smart. One of the most important parts of Black culture is the sense of family that extends to all members of the diaspora. Dh again noticed this but Black folks no matter where in the world or what % of African heritage they have speak to each other. If you are in Italy or France or Kuwait or acknowledge each other as if they know each other. We recognize that we come from the same place and the struggles of some of us are the struggles of all. One of the reasons that some AA people are upset about transracial adoption is that some families for whatever reason don't expose their kids to enough AA folk to make their kids comfrotable with their own. I personally think this is sad when it happens but I don't think it is a reason not to do a trans racial adoption. So the situation is not ideal, it is a whole heck of a lot better then the sitaution that a lot of AA kids grow up in and frankly a loving commited family is ALWAYS a good thing.

There was a story in a study about adult transracial adoptees and their sense of identity and how some struggled with that. One of the women they interveiwed was in grad school at Harvard. She was AA and had been raised a avery small solidly CC community. She had attended a very small predominently CC college and in her entire life had never interacted with other AA people. She talked about a beginning of the school year mixer where there was food and dancing. Several AA students asked her to dance and she was completely freaked out. Clearly her parents didn't do the greatest job of aculturating her to other AA people BUT how bad could they have been as parents if they got her to Harvard? Clearly she was loved, supported and given opportunities that she never would have had in the situation she was born into. Her parents were doting and she was the light of their lives. I am sure she struggle some with racial identity but I also believe that anyone who comes from a family that is that supportive was also given the inner strength to figure it out.

lisa