[mommamarci]

Hello everyone,
My dh and I went to our first home study meeting yesterday. (We are a third of the way done. Yay!!) Anyway, we are open to any race or racial mix. The agency double checked that we would accept full African American a couple times. I asked why and they said they have numerous couples that will only take biracial. They said some will go as far as to say they will take 3/4 African American! From all of the research I have done, 3/4 or even 1/2 African American could be darker or more 'African American' looking than full AA. I was surprised by this. However, I was shocked when she went on to tell us that several AA couples only want biracial also because a lighter skin tone is more attractive in their culture! Can you believe this? I was very surprised. Anyway, needed to share with someone my shock. Hope you are having a good day!
-Marci

[quiescentfury]

My BR son is darker than some full AA students in his school. I feel like you, but I know those adoptive parents will find the child meant for them.

[Gadoptmom]

Amazing isn't it?!

I'll go further than that one. I'm always amazed when people say they will accept certain racial makeups and not others. (I guess it's good if they are at least honest about it...as I have found there are many who state on their profiles they are accepting of "all" but are not!) I'm always fascinated with how people look at things so sometimes I ask what that's about because I know very well if it's about "darkness" than a child may be part hispanic, asian, etc and be darker than many AA people. Also I don't think many realize that some people get darker as they grow up.

I don't know...still hard for me to get. Someone last night told me that they would accept any combo except full AA because of where they live. I asked them if they realized that different make ups can be just as dark or even darker skinned and they said yes. But still stand by that.

One lady told us one time that she might be open to biracial aa/cc or AA if she gets desperate enough! YIKES!!! And with some agencies charging lesser fees for aa/cc or aa children...it makes me wonder if some people are going into it without the best of intentions.

I don't get it.

On one hand I think - GOOD please do not do anyone any "favors" by adopting if you are not comfortable with their ethnicity.

Honestly...the adoption journey has opened my eyes greatly about people. And some of the things I've learned really really hurt my heart.

[Nevada Jen]

Marci, I guess there is no reason to think that black people would have different prejudices that whites. I can't say I am terribly suprised at what you heard. I can remember noticing in college (where there was a large visible black population) that darker blacks seemed to hang with darker blacks and their seemed to be some sort of social hierarchy of cliques based on skin shade.

What does amaze me is that people who are adopting would think that it is appropriate to tell a social worker that they want BR so the baby will have lighter skin for social status. I even get, we want BR because we are very light skinned blacks and we want the baby to look like us. Fine. But really, you don't adopt for social status.

Irritating. And you know they got homestudy approved.

Congrats on your first set of interviews!

Jen

[bjolly]

Originally Posted by Gadoptmom

I don't know...still hard for me to get. Someone last night told me that they would accept any combo except full AA because of where they live.

this kind of thing drives me crazy. if it's not a good area for an AA child to grow up in, how can it be an ok area for a BR child? How is that child going to feel growing up in an area where half of his/her heritage is looked on negatively?

do people like this think the AA part of the child's heritage will just somehow magically go away if they ignore it?

about the woman who said she'd consider AA or BR if she got desperate enough - yikes is right. wow, what a terrible way to think about your future child.

[Sleeplvr]

Let me tell you this...if you have a dark-skinned AA couple who insists on adopting a biracial child because they want a child with light skin. They are adopting because they think light skin is more attractive...If the SW is black they will catch H***. A black SW will not willingly approve that homestudy without asking the couple go into therapy.

It is acceptable to request a light skinned child if you are light because you want the child to look like you, not because the child would have more opportunities.

Even my DFCS CW's refuse to place kids with people who say they want biracial only. I wish more SW's would take that stance.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Our agency/sw didn't surprise me with race, but with openness.

They specialize in open adoptions, and dh and I are interested in apparantly a more open than typical adoption. We've talked about our desires/vision with the pbparents we're currently matched with, and when the pbparents relayed info to the agency, the agency called us first to confirm this. Though I appreciate their thoroughness, I was taken aback when the director told us that they haven't had an adoptive couple so comfortable with this level of openness.

That surprised me. And of course, made me wonder if I was "wrong" since the "professionals" were surprised. But, DH and I still stand strong in our vision.

[traceyk]

I was talking to a woman I know casually and she commented that she knew someone else that had adopted. Then she said this: "but they adopted CC because they don't have any biological children." Like somehow I only was willing to adopt full AA because I already had two CC bio daughters or something. I was pissed, I would have adopted full AA regardless. It's amazing how some people think.

[joskimo]

Originally Posted by traceyk

I was talking to a woman I know casually and she commented that she knew someone else that had adopted. Then she said this: "but they adopted CC because they don't have any biological children."

I cannot beleive how stupid a statement that is.

I think in some regards transracial adoption can be a benefit on some levels, because as a family we have deal with adoption issues, we cannot hide behind color and pretend we are a "normal" family which can do a diservice to the adoptee.

[quiescentfury]

Joskimo, you are so right. When DH and I were starting the adoption processes we talked about that. DS is BR. DH and myself are both short dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin, and curly hair. I use to laugh and say if we adopted CC child it would end up being blond straight haires, blue eyes tall and tan. I would think people would look at us more if that happened and trying to figure out how that child fits in. With AA, people auto assume adoption. I think it is out there. No hiding and no pretending. We did not adopt AA because of that reason, but it is something I have thought about.

[AdrienneG]

Racism comes in many forms including the notion of white supremacy ... that a BR child is better than AA to adopt and obviously ignore that a BR child has AA genes too and can change in appearance.

Im not shocked by this at all. Its how life can be when people believe one racial background is better than another in who a couple prefers to adopt.
BR children as if they are cute dolls to be admired and not human beings who will grow up with part AA ancestry with parents who want to pretend this AA ancestry doesnt exist.

[LisaCA]

the concept of white supremacy is a very old notion, over 500 years old. To think that people of color could live under colonialism and white supremacy without internalizing that hierarchy is just silly. We still carry around that baggage that was placed on our shoulders.

our facilitator doesn't allow people to pick and choose like that which is one of the reasons we liked them. you can say "african descent" or "hispanic descent" but that's as far as you can go. We mentioned that both of us had experience growing up with a mixed heritage so we felt we could provide that aspect as well, but we were just interested in african heritage.

[leaabc123]

There are a lot of stereotypes within the AA community itself. They may not be as prevalent but are still here. Things like "good" hair and "bad" hair, the paperbag test, and of course the N word.

what is funny to me is that they would call us for kids when they were looking for a caucasion household and I would point out that we are not a caucasion household (DP is samoan and japanese but looks more samoan), then they would say well we meant not AA. I said well just say that but we also are close to our extended family, which is primarily AA (at least locally).

The majority of our placements have been AA so far.

I can only hope to find positive role models for our girls. especially if they stay, that show them they are wonderful as they are.

[DebCsMom]

I too have always thought it amazing that people will accept a child let's say for example, from guatamala but WILL NOT adopt an AA child. I have 2 AA child & one Biracial child. I have seen MANY Guatamalan children who are darker than my children. It isn't always about the darkness of the child as it is so much the child's race. And who can say what skin tone the child will have! You can't tell by looking at her BParents. Our AA daughter is very dark. Both of her BParents are VERY like in color. BMom is in fact 1/4 Japanese. Our full AA son is LIGHTER than our Biracial daughter! LOL

My cousin is CC & her DH is AA. ALL 4 of their children have differnt skin tones, have different hair texture, etc!!

It just amazes me.

Deb

[ally123]

why is it such a big deal to adopt a child of a different race. Maybe I am naive (however it is spelled) but dh and I are open to any baby that we can help through the foster care system and hopefully will get to adopt. We could care less what race they are. We currently have a br baby that we have had since he was 2 weeks old and I find it odd that people would not accept him just because he was br. Am I missing something here? I am offended when people ask about his race because to us he is just a baby - his race is not an issue. I realize the importance of teaching him about his heritage if we were to adopt him but how hard is that? I guess I just don't get it.