[missw005]

Would you adopt a CC child if your other adopted children are AA?

This is a possible situation I may be offered.
I'm a county foster parent, as well as an adoptive parent. I've adopted two special needs children already, both of whom are AA. ("I'm brown, mom!") My boys were adopted separately from other states and came to me at 2-1/2 and 1-1/2, respectively. J is now 6 and Q is about to be 4. J is very dark and Q is light - we've always thought he is likely part Asian due to his facial features.

Anyhoo, my foster care worker (I also have an adoption worker) called yesterday about two brothers in another part of our state who were just TPRd and are available. Their worker wants a family experienced in dealing with special needs and is only looking at foster parents who want to adopt. Here's the kicker: the boys are CC. And I am too..........but here's my question/issue:

Would you adopt a CC child if your other children are AA?
I've always looked for AA, Hispanic or bi/multiracial children for a variety of reasons. One most obviously being that they are the largest percentage of special needs children available for adoption. Two being that my sons are AA/biracial, I love them dearly and they are my beautiful, handsome brown boys. Three being that.........I don't know.........I'd just feel weird having CC children.
I wouldn't ever want my sons to be hurt in any way by other people's inane thinking. Assuming the CC children were my birth children and the boys were adopted. People complimenting the CC children on how much they look like me and leaving my boys just standing there.

I mean........should I even be considering this? It seems sooooooooooooo unfair to my sons. I would NEVER do anything to hurt them in any way - even if it was by other people.


But yes.........I did tell my worker I wanted to be considered.
Then debated about my decision for the next several hours (and am obviously still thinking about it) and whether I should call her back or not.

I don't know. What do you all think?????

Sandy

[leaabc123]

I think that the first thing to do would be to discuss it, in as simple terms as possible, with the boys. At 4 and 6, they are able to notice differences and you could ask them how they would feel having brothers who are a different color.

People will make assumptions either way. Even though, I am fostering our girls right now, they are ours for as long as they are with us. In the elevator the other day, this guy out of nowhere says "oh you must be babysiting huh?" I am CC and they are AA. I just said no, they are mine and left it at that. As we left the elevator, he made a comment like oh adoption is great huh.

Good luck either way.

[alwaysus]

We adopted a AA/CC baby even though all of our other kids were CC. Of course thats the flip side of what you asked. Elijah is only 3 months old so there have been no problems. To be honest, I don't anticipate problems from the kids or my family.
Maybe I am being naive.

[davinok]

We were faced with a very similar situation and decided that having only aa children was best for our family. I know it is very hard to give up a real situation looking at you, but you have to trust your heart and do what you believe is in your family's best interest.

[bluelidded]

Originally Posted by davinok

We were faced with a very similar situation and decided that having only aa children was best for our family. I know it is very hard to give up a real situation looking at you, but you have to trust your heart and do what you believe is in your family's best interest.

Exactly. It's too personal of a decision to generalize; I agree completely. It worked for us, but I can't say what will work for you.

[LisaCA]

as everyone says, this is a personal individual decision. Things that come into play are how your sons feel, your community etc. On the plus side, they do have each other and seem bonded together. On the down side, people say and do idiotic things. It would only be "natural" and obnoxious for people to assume that these two boys you currently have are "adopted" while the new "kids" would be viewed as "yours" Anyway, I think you'll know what you want to do. I can imagine how that would hurt, esp. if you were my mom first.

lots to think about. hope you find comfort with your decision.

lisa

[cathy102]

Well, My daughter is Mutli-Racial and when we wanted to adopted again, we wanted a Multi-Racial,Bi-Racial or even AA child to look like her... My son was supposed to be Bi-Racial and ended up Full CC, Blonde hair with blue eyes... I freaked out at first but wanted him anyway. CC was at the bottom of our list.. God has his reasons for my son to be here... You will know what to do. Just follow your heart...

[Linny]

Personal choice, yes...absolutely. But, as for our family....no, we would not suggest it---because we did...and lived with the consequences-- So, we'd never do it again.

Our first two babies are Asian. When they were pre-teens, we decided to go the 'older child adoption route'. We asked for AA, Asian or multi-racial babies/children. In the end, we received children that were basically CC. (One child might have been NA/CC too.)

It felt very, very strange..and at the time, we thought we'd not ever do baby adoptions again....so, we adopted them. But, I have to be honest and say that it felt strange...and irritated me to no end, when people thought the 'white' kids were the bios, the Asian kids were foster or foreign exchange. This was the main reason, I deliberately started telling people (when asked) that 'all of my kids are adopted'.
As it turned out, we went back to baby adoptions years later. We now have two AA toddlers and one CC (10yr old) at home.
In being presented for other baby situations....two were basically a 'given' that we'd be able to adopt a CC baby. We turned the situations down. (One baby was already born, the other only a match...but she went through with her plan.)
And I'll tell you another reason we refused to adopt CC babies: Our feeling was, there are couples who feel they cannot or will not adopt anything other than a white child/baby. We felt we were not only being unfair to the baby, but also to the couples who were 'standing in line' for such situations; when adopting CC babies just wasn't our thing in the first place. KWIM?

My best to you whatever you choose. It's often not an easy one to make.

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[traceyk]

Although our baby is only 6 mo. old, I know that when we adopt again we too will only adopt another AA baby. They are in such need of homes and besides I love having a baby with hair! My husband and I are CC and so are our bio daughters (obviously), but when DH showed a picture of all three girls to one of his co-workers he assumed that our bio daughters were adopted and never seeing me assumed I was AA, so there's a little twist to make you smile.

[blessedbybug]

I think it is a very personal decision. We are open to any ethnicity in placement. We are a family waiting to adopt again, parenting a CC child by adoption.

Our agency gave us extra counsel when we applied for a second adoption, wanting to make sure we really wanted to be open to transethnic placement since we were now, as they put it, a "white" family. I can say it upset me a bit until I understood that all they wanted was for us to consider the implications once again of having a child of another ethnicity in our family. Our reality is that we would NOT be parenting our child (who is part First Nations Canadian) if we had not been open to transethnic placement. Why would we change now?

Do what you feel is best... but prepared for questions and misunderstanding about your family...

[Nevada Jen]

I have been thinking about the same thing lately. I think especially because you have 2 AA's the adding 2 CC's would be just fine. You already face invasive questions about your family. A few new ones will not kill you or the kids. You can certainly do as Linny says and if people ask say all 4 are adopted. If the special needs are needs you can deal with I see no reason to not move forward. Plus, since they are straight foster right now you will have an oppurtunity to experience it without the committment (Yeah right!). You will make the right decision. But I agree talk with your boys. Certainly the 6 year old will be able to understand and give you his thoughts.


Let us know how it turns out.
Jen

[lisa in venice]

We are a biracial couple and asked for AA c hildren. All of them have ended up being bi/multiracial. When we were looking for #4 I thought seriously about specifying biracial so that this child who would be our last would not be the "odd one out". Well what I didn't expect was the number of full Caucasian chilren we would be offered. Like you we were open to several special needs as well as a fully open adoption and that made us stand out I guess. IN the end we decided that we would not submit a profile but if someone CHOOSE our profile from the ones out there we would consider it especially if it were siblings. Our reasoning was that there were so many homes where they could not accept a child that we would only be to happy to parent and maybe it was more fair to pass those situations on to those homes. On the other hand if for some reason WE were the best home for a particular child/ren we would move forward. The thig about siblings was to make sure that they had some who looked like them as a sibling.

I ronically the child that was placed with us is biracial but looks Caucasian/Hispanic/Asian. With genetics you never know what you are going to get.

lisa

[Casey677]

Hmmmm.... Our dd is AA/CC. We would not accept a CC child for adoption #2, but I think I would investigate further since it is a 2 and 2 kind of situation.

Have you thought about pming Jen's Boys? She has 2 CC (bio) and 2 AA (adopted) boys. She may have further advice for you.

[AdrienneG]

I actually would and I'm AA. I am currently adopting a baby boy who is AA, and my husband is Caucasian. If a child came into my life who was Caucasian who needed parents, we would adopt in a heartbeat. My husband was the one who brought up the idea of adopting a baby from China, so for him its not much of an issue.

And being AA, I am used to being seen as different from the majority, so what I do is always going to be observed and adopting a Caucasian child would be no different in my world.

[Kathi RHFM]

I am the proud CC mom of 6 AA children and 1 CC child, all adopted. 3 of my AA children and my 1 CC child came through the state foster/adopt process. Yes, I have had people say "you finally got one that looks like you" and I have in turn either asked our friends to be aware and considerate of how that might sound to my other children, or have agreed that yes, her hair color is the same as mine, and did they also notice her eyes were the same shape as her sister's (my oldest AA daughter). My children range in age from 16 yrs down to 2 1/2 (my CC child). I think because my husband (CC) and I have always honored the differences between us all while also recognizing the things that are the same, all of our children are very comfortable with themselves and all the older kids welcomed their new sister with open arms. When my 13 yr old AA daughter was 4, she liked to classify things around her and once said "I am dark brown, K (her older sister AA sister) is medium brown, daddy is light brown (my husband had a nice tan), and mommy is white with brown spots (my freckles)! We all agreed and that has been a fun family story since then. If you feel the boys are supposed to be members of your family, then their race becomes part of their background, part of who they are along with all the rest of their information, and you deal with any thing that might make others uncomfortable the same way you would deal with their special needs.
Best wishes!

Kathi