[b_Kenya_20]

My husband and I have just placed our homestudy with a social worker for a chance at child aged 5. I am of mixed race (Jamacian and Scottish) So we decided that we wanted mixed children too. I am an olive complexion,The child in question is of full Jamacian blood. Niether my husband or I have a problem with this but we have just moved to a new house where the neighbourhood is mostly white. We live out in the country as well.
I am going to call the schools and ask if there are any forseen problems with this. I know that there are only a few dark children in the schools around here. I don't want this to stop us but my husband is afraid that there might be trouble. (He works with a guy who has HATE written on his hand) If I were to give birth to a child there is a very good chance that that child could be very dark as my father was, so I don't see the problem. But I still wanted to see what others think. The questions are;

1. Is there anyone who lives in a mostly white nieghbourhood that has trouble because they adopted a dark child?

2.If so how did/do you deal with it?

3. has anyone had problems with a hate group?

thank you Kenya

[Lexie]

Well the only thing I want to mention is that I grew up in a all white area and it wasn't very pleasant ( I am AA/Asia). At least I had my family that looked like me. At first you don't notice---at least I did not think about it when I was very little. Slowly it occurred to my friends first and one by one they stopped hanging out with me and then I realized why. I moved to a school that was more diverse---so luckily I could hang out with some other kids that were not white ( Asian, AA/ Hispanic etc.) I did have some white friends, but it was always an issue. At this point in my life I would never live in an area that was not diverse. My social circles are diverse and so are all of our friends. So no matter what "shade" you child is, if you are not adopting a white child---I would not live in an all white community.

That is just my opinion--I am sure others feel differently.
Good luck in your journey and I hope it works out for you--
Lexie

[merts1234]

Hi, We are CC and our daughter is AA. We live in a all white area much like the one you talk about. My DH had the same feeling as you and your husband are having but we spoke to a AA friend of ours and he said even if the child grows up in an all black area that he/she would sooner or later face racial issues and that if the child was given a chance with a family that was to show love and give them oppurtunity that they may not other wise get that was the important thing. Everyone we have encountered where we live have always seemed very positive and went out of their way to have her included in the groups. She is a toddler so we have not faced the school things yet. I am sure that we will have some difficult times where ever I decide to send her to the mostly white school or the more diverse school.
I wish that wasn't life but it just is. I wish I could protect her from all the racial jerks out there as I am sure most AA parents feel But it is life, as much as I wish it wasn't.
We are in the process of adopting again. And yes again outside of the CC race but really if you look at it as we are all the human race.
Good lucK and keep us up on your Adoption Journey!!

[juliehf]

Hi... My husband & I have two daughters, one is mexican (adopted) & the other is white (biological). They do not look alike, but they are sisters!!! We get alot of comments and alot of them are ignorant. I guess what I am trying to say is DNA, race, nationality does not make you a family, love does.

I have people ask me, "will she ever speak english?", "are you going to tell her she is adopted? (like she wont figure it out... she is mexican for goodness sakes.)

I worried that my family would not accept her and she would be treated differently. We live in the deep south and there is alot of prejudice. But my family has taken her in with open arms & they love her so much. She is the only adopted grandchild on both sides of the family but to me that makes her special.

Don't hesitate to adopt because the child is a little different. Embrace the chance.

Julie

[b_Kenya_20]

I want very much the chance to rasie a child with their heritage and I feel very strongly connected to my Jamacian side... I have always dreamed about one day having a child with dark lucious skin. I don't mean to sound silly but it seems like that is what is meant to be. My father is very dark and if I had gotten pregnant there would have been a great chance of the child being very dark. I have phoned the local shcools and found out that although they dson't have a whole lot of african american students (8 out of 350) they do teach children about diversity and racisim is NOT tolerated! They also have alot of Native students as well as some Asian. I feel much better having talked with the schools and some of the neighbours about this. It is not that it wolud have affected weither I chose to adopt a darker child, it was only that I wanted to know how people dealt with it when there were problems. thank you for all you sujestions and advice! Kenya

[mariette_589]

All I say is go for it! Yes if you where to get pregnant I am sure your baby would be very dark, since it is your father you mentioned.

I have 3 Haitian kids. To awnser your questions..

1. I lived in a mostly white area..outcome=horrible. My kids where tormented daily and aksed very stupid questions.

2.I dealt with it by moving. We now live in Canada. I cannot explain the city we live in..amazing. There's foster kids, adoptees, and multicultural families!! I actually have a neighbour who is Jamaican and has 5 indian kids and 3 AA!


3 YES...I had ENOURMOUSE problems with hate groups and I posted it ..heres a link to a thread I did on it. Please Help!--kkk--

On 'Question 1" I just want to say the city I lived in might be totaly diffrent from the city you live in? Try bringing the subject into conversations with your friends, neigbhours... " Im looking into adoption, I was thinking a child who might be japanese or black..."

If you adopt a chinese, russian, black.. there will be bumps. I am sure sometimes with black children the 'bumps' are a bit bigger.....there shouldn't be trouble with adopting a kid of ANY race but some people are just not opened minded and isolated...its a real shame!

Good luck!

[b_Kenya_20]

So I decided to talk to the neighbours. We only moved here 10 months ago but I do know a few. We also live in the country so not many neighbours. The one neighbour is East Indian they have been here for 6 years and have had no problems. there is one black family in the neighbourhood and they are really friendly. I'm going to try and find someone who can introduce us so I can ask some more questions. I have been warned what school not to send my children and why. The people I babysit for say that they think it would be good for the comunity to see diversity. We have also been told that the comunity alothough it is mostly good there are those that talk behind your back. I guess as long as my children and I don't hear it or have to deal with spray pianted this or that I can live with it. We live in Canada also, but we are in northern Ontario and it seems to be the farther north you go the more white it is. I don't mean that to sound bad... thank you, thank you, thank you for all your words. also I have a few more questions:

1. what book do you find helps with issues like these (both for kids and adults)

2. what do you teach your kids about these kinds of people/ what do you say to them when someone says something about their colour?

thanks again Kenya

[heiditwins]

Hi Kenya,
We live in B.C., Canada. We are in a great community in the Fraser Valley. You could contact our Adoptive Families Association of B.C. (AFABC) and we have a very helpful librarian who could tell you the names of some good books. I've read them, but have a terrible memory these days! I think one of them is "Raising a Healthy child in a mulitcultural, racist world" or something like that. I am just completing the 3rd of 3 workshops for parents of multicultural kids. It is fantastic and gives us lots of "tools" to equip our kids, ourselves and our families to deal with living differently in our world. Racism is there, subtle at times, not at others. It is a moment of ignorance, a teachable moment. The most important "nugget" I got from it so far is to teach your child from a year of age that there is nothing wrong with him/her. The other person must own the "problem" and it is most likely born of fear, ignorance or need for control/power. Once these 3 are addressed, it diffuses most (not all) situations and helps your child grow. Yvonne Devitt is our instructor. She is incredible and has walked the walk! My kids are AA and 7years old now. No problems so far except my daughter wants to be white so she could have long blonde hair like her best friend. She is very popular. We belong to two AA mixed family adoption groups to help mentor our kids and show them they aren't the only ones out there. You can't protect your kids forever as much as we want to. Due to circumstances, not everyone can pick up and move to a more mixed neighbourhood. It is similar to the church family, " Do I put my kids in a Christian or Catholic school to let them be with others ""just like us"", or do I keep them in the public school? How can you be the salt of the earth if you stay in the salt shaker? How can others get used to our families and become a mixed neighbourhood if we hide and glom together like the old ones did coming to the US and Canada (i.e. Little Italy, Chinatown? etc.) I understand the need for belonging and comfort, and don't deny it's necessity at times, but it caused its own problems!
Any way I'll get off my soapbox now. Good luck.
Heidi

[Linny]

No problems with any 'hate groups'......but we are raising two AA girls (one of which is very,very dark) in a white neighborhood, out in the country.
We have had some comments...that could have been 'taken' either way, insofar as being racist, or just plain stupid curiousity (I'm not sure there is a difference, but for the sake of being nice....?).
Anyway, we had previously raised two Asian children from infancy in a predominately white area, and then, moved to this area.
It is probably easier for us, in that we were both raised in this area (me especially), where my immediate and extended family were well known and pretty well liked. It's made it easier for any of the 'old school folks' in that they've known me since toddler times.
This area is balanced out in that we do so little with the nearby village, and much with the town that is 10miles away. It's a university town, with much more diversity. It's there that we do our shopping, schooling and going to church.

We do know other adoptive families who have adopted across racial lines of all kinds, and we do as much as possible to expose our children to places where they are not the only AA children/people.

Our feelings are this: No matter where they will be raised (or live on later in life), racisim will exist in all places. It could be said that 'it wouldn't be so much within a big city....but, then they would be missing out on living in the country, a farm with animals, living close to the land, and all that that entails. The birthmother of one of our children, chose us (our other child was the result of an agency choice), based on our lifestyle, rather than our locale. Apparently she felt that was more important as well.

No matter what the place or time, or diversity, your child will have to grow up knowing the ugliness of the world at some point. If you were living in an area of the KKK's presence, then I'd question adopting any child that was non-white....but the acceptance of your children from the neighborhood, will be based on the personality of the neighborhood, not necessarily based on the color of the neighbor's skin.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Jensboys]

I am raising two aa boys in Northern BC in a predominately cc community -- with some First Nations and some Indo-Canadian members. We have never had any problems here and have connected very well with the other aa/black community members.

We recently considered a move to a small Alberta town and decided against it -- the one main reason being that it was "too white" for our family and the sake of the kids.

I think the issues do show themselves when the children enter the middle school years and we felt that if we move we need to move to a MORE diverse area or stay where we are because we have strong, wonderful positive same race role models here for our kids.

I wish you much luck -- and I do think we are are very blessed to be in Canada where it is much easiser to be a minority.

Jen

[Jensboys]

I wanted to add that the AFABC is a WONDERFUL resource in BC (but they will serve all other provinces) and the parents associations are awesome!!! The camp we attend every summer is ABSOLUTELY THE BEST and I would encourage you to connect with other multiracial adoptive families in anyway you can!!!

[ALI143]

We are adopting (through DHS) either two 1/2 Hispanic and 1/2 Native American sisters -OR- a one-year-old full Hispanic baby girl. I haven't put much thought into stupid comments, ect. because we are in a very diverse neighborhood and my family is as diverse as they come. But I was reading Julie's reply and am worried. I have two cc bsons. What kind of stupid remarks do I need to have quick answers for just in case?