[gossamer]

Hi everyone! I'm Angela. I have one daughter who will be 7 in August. We had her less than a year after getting married, and it was a piece of cake. Since then we have had infertility and miscarriages. We started looking into adoption a few years ago. We have gone through some small heartbreaks (a "friend" offering her baby and then cutting off contact and getting an abortion instead, and another telling us that she was going to give us the baby and then changing her mind).

Just so you know, it will be a private adoption through our attorney. We have been thinking about networking and sending out a birthmother letter but we hadn't.

I got a call yesterday from a woman who said, "I hear you're looking to adopt a baby". Yes..... "Well, I am pregnant, and I am a single mom who has a 6 month old, and I would like you to take this new baby. I just can't care for it." Then she went on to tell me the baby will be "dark" which I told her we dont' care. Apparently she heard about us from the women who said she was going to give us her baby and then changed her mind. This potential birth mother kept saying she's POSITIVE.... and even said she was told not to call us unless she's sure because we've had so much baby heartache.

So to make a long story short(er), we are meeting her and the birth father this evening. I have a short list of questions to ask.... though the question I most want answered is ARE YOU SURE>>?????? LOL!

What questions would you ask her if it was you?

Oh, by the way, we are both caucasion (I don't know the proper abbreviation). This baby would be 1/2 Sudanese (father is an immigrant from Sudan), 1/4 native american and 1/4 AA.

Okay, I'm so excited I couldn't sleep last night. Hubby tells me to build a wall around my heart so I won't be so sad if it doesn't work out but I say if you build a wall, then you can't feel the good either.

Thanks so much, and it is so nice to meet you!

Angela

[gossamer]

So we met with them this evening. He is a very handsome, very dark Sudanese man. She is a gorgeous woman. Their baby is fantastically beautiful and sweet!! LOL! I had planned to just chit chat and get to know them, but from the moment they walked in it was like she just wanted to talk about the baby.

The father and mother were very sincere, had already looked into other options like abortion, etc. They don't want another baby at all.... she feels like she's not a good mother, not patient, etc. He does most of the baby care with this one. He has 3 and the child support on his other 2 is outrageous. He wanted her to have an abortion. Luckily for US, there are no people out here who perform abortions (they would have had to drive over an hour and they have no car and no jobs and no money)... so they looked into adoption, but didn't know where to go.

Luckily they heard about us.... they heard that we are great parents, we have had a lot of heartache, and were actually "threatened" by our friend not to even call us if they weren't ABSOLUTELY sure first. (lol.... I think that's funny... our friend Geri is so unassuming and kind and gentle.... but she threatened them that they would see her wrath if they hurt us. LOL)

After our talking, she told me she is having an ultrasound next tuesday and invited Hannah (my daughter) and I to come... she also said we would be welcome at the birth. *happy sigh*. She even asked what we would name the baby and said she loved the name Hazel.

At any rate..... I am on cloud 9! I can't believe it.... and their first baby is so precious! I could eat her up! I am thrilled, so is dh and dd. Life is feeling really good.

Thank you so much for the support!!!!

Love, Angela
mommy to Hannah (8-5-97) and many more not held in arms
Planning to adopt in January 2005!!!

[mcdandw]

If Mom is registered and has paper work as an Indian. The Baby has to go through her Indian Tribe first before is able to be adopted.

[gossamer]

It's actually the mother... and the law states that if the mother is giving the baby up of her own free will, the tribe does not have to be called in. Apparently the ICWA is because of people going in and practically stealing Indian babies before the early 70s when it was enacted. I was told this by our attorney as well as reading it on the American Bar Association Website.

The mother also said that her tribe and her aunts had tried to get her to go to an adoption agency and adopt out her first one and she didnt' want to, so they will be all for this one being adopted out.

Thanks for your concern

Angela

[mcdandw]

The mission of Indian Child Welfare is to provide tribal children, who are unable to be cared for by their biological family, a safe and permanent home. Cherokee Nation Indian Child Welfare is also here to assist attorney's, private and state agencies and other tribal agencies maintain compliance with the federal law. The Indian Child Welfare Act states that "there is no resource that is more vital to the continued existence and integrity of Indian tribes than their children."

[gossamer]

Thank you again.

I will check with my attorney again. The way I understood it though is that as long as you fill out certain papers and the mother is doing it of her own free will...... it's okay.

I will check again, but I am not going to worry much about it. The mother really wants us to have her baby.... I am totally fine with promoting a trans-cultural family. We do a lot of native-american type things already as a caucasion family already.

Thanks for the info!!

Angela

[gossamer]

Some info from www.abanet.org on this for the curious:

"When a child's tribal affiliation is unknown, the party must notify all tribes that may have some connection to the child as well as the Department of the Interior, which may have information that would help determine the child's tribal status. If the proceeding is voluntary--e.g.,. "the mother is voluntarily seeking to terminate her rights so she can place the child for adoption--notice may not be necessary; need will be dictated by the court decisions of that particular jurisdiction "

I am assuming this is what my attorney is working from... but we will check it out some more.. I definitely do not want to do anything immoral or illegal!!!

Love, Angela

[mom2gracelyn]

How very, very exciting for you and your family!!! Are you and Hannah going with her to see the ultrasound tomorrow?

[gossamer]

Actually, the ultrasound has been rescheduled for wednesday... so we're going then... it's going to be a hard wait.

On the positive side, the mom said to me today, "I'm going to have my auntie make a star quilt for your baby" and "I'm going to buy a book and write in it and put our pictures in it for your baby"

It took me a minute to realize she said "YOUR baby." ... not "THE baby" or MY baby... YOUR baby. That made me almost cry when I realized what she said!

Thanks so much for asking! I'm looking into fundraising now and getting money to the attorney

Angela

[LizLininger]

I read all your posts. I was just wondering what has happened in the last couple of days? I hope it works out for you. Let me know.
liz

[gossamer]

Everything is going well. I ended up getting in touch with a woman who runs the local family center to see if they could help the birth mother with anything... the birth father wants to take off... and she's scared.

Anyhow, the woman from the family center said, "If, God forbid, this falls through, would you be interested in another baby? Because we have a woman who wants to relinquish her rights and we thought you might be interested.".... I about fell over. I told her of course we'd be interested!!!

I guess small town living out in the boondocks can be a good thing! LOL!

So, something good is coming down the pike... it might be a bumpy ride... but hey.... LIFE is a bumpy ride! LOL!

Love, Angela

[LizLininger]

angela-
That sounds great!! I hope it works out for you. How miserable having them falling thru. I think I would probably go crazy. I live in Arkansas so I understand the boondocks thing. Youa re pretty funny.
have a good day and if there get to be to many babies up there send some my wasy ok?
Liz

[overflowing]

Angela, how very exciting for you. I will keep your family and the bfamily in my prayers. When is the baby due? I pray all goes well and please keep us updated. Adoption is truly the craziest roller coaster I've ever been on but oh man, is it worth it when you are finally rocking your precious baby that you've been dreaming of for so long. Our oldest son will be 7 soon (bio, cc), our precious daughter will be 3 soon (adoption miracle, aa/cc) and our baby boy will be 1 soon (adoption miracle, 3/4aa/1/4aa)God bless, stacy

[gossamer]

Hi everyone

The one thing I keep telling my husband is that we have NO control. We can't do anything to ensure that the adoption goes through.... we can only sit there and go along for the ride.

The 2nd baby suggested.... by the woman at the family center..... is due in SEPTEMBER.... that's soon anyway... this would be a private but CLOSED adoption. Apparently the people at the family center feel she might be someone to come back and kidnap the baby later if she knew who we were.... lovely, huh? Anyhow... like I said, we're just along for the ride.

The other baby... the one who started this whole thing.... is due in January. The parents still say they want us to have the baby, and we are growing a relationship with them.

So, basically we might end up with a baby in september and another in January, or one or the other, or none... it just depends on how all the chips fall... but I am choosing to just go along for the ride and use this time to force my inner control freak to learn how to let go.

Thanks for asking If there are a ton more babies showing up out here... I might have to start my own adoption agency LOL!

Love, Angela

[Krys2004]

Angela,
congratulations. Be careful with the Indian stuff. We lost a baby last year because the tribe took the baby. B/M wanted us to have the baby, but the tribe said that they always have first choice and that they would have to agree with the adoption and give the agency authorization to do the placement. Good Luck Krys