[cindylouwho68]

Hi guys, we are 1 MAPP class away from our selection chart (LA County DCFS). We went into this desiring another child, a baby girl to be exact (we have two bio boys) and we don't have a preference in regards to ethnicity and are open to disabilities. But the last two classes have focused on transracial adoption and all of the negative experiences transracial adoptees go through. I can tell you we definitely got the feeling that we were being discouraged from adopting a child that doesn't look like us. Which made me very sad. My husband and I realized that even though it might not matter to US what ethnicity our child is...it might matter very much to THEM someday that they were adopted by cc parents. We don't know what to do. For those of you have adopted transracially OR if you are a transracial adoptee...your thoughts and feelings are truly appreciated.
Cindy

[mckenna]

i have a biracial son and i am cc. just two weeks ago, at my foster/adopt support groupwe had a transracial adoptee speak to us. she was adopted in the early 70's and when she was given to her parents in a closed adoption, the adoption agency whited out (literally) the word black from her ethnicity and were told she was italian. she said that while she would not trade her white parents for anything, she wished (although in their defense, they technically were not aware that she was biracial-aa/ca) they would have acknowledged her different heritages and attempte to expose her to more aa adults and children and helped her more along her way as she figured out her place in society.

my biggest fear with raising my son is having to have conversations about how others may view or react to him. i don't want store clerks to watch my son like a hawk assuming he is going to steal somthing, i don't want the woman on the elevator to clutch her purse tighter when my son steps on, i don't want someone to cross the street because my son is walking down it. is that going to happen yes! that is why i need to have conversations with him and let him know that while it is the other person's ignorance and stereotypes that cause them to behave so innappropriately, my son has to be above them. is it fair, no, but at least for now that is how people still behave in this world.

right now i am working on finding communities and a church where i am the minority, not my son. i want to find positive black role models for my son. it can be challenging at times, but it is so worth it. whether or not my son and i look like each other, we are mother and son and no one can change that.

[cindylouwho68]

Thank you for your response Mckenna! We seem paralyzed by indecision, we don't want to care what other people think(passers by, store clerks)...but we want so much for our child to be happy and comfortable. I know that utimately we have to make this call ourselves, but input from experienced families will aid us in making the decision an INFORMED one
Cindy

[mckenna]

you are welcome. feel free to pm about any issues you have questions about i love to talk about my kids! they are the best.

[heathernwolf]

Hi!

My husband and I had exactly the same fears you do. We live in a very small, very white community located close to 2 more diverse university towns. My son is now 14 months and we adopted him at 3 weeks. I have never had a person make a negative comment or ask me a rude question. Mostly they just comment on how cute he is. I am so glad I did not give in to my fears.

My best advice is to read the book, "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Concious World". It was written by a psychologist with AA heritage and based on extensive research. It was the best thing I have ever read on the topic even though it is not directed at adoption. I felt so much better after I read it. I know I can't shield my son from all racism, but I can influence how it affects him.

Good luck!

[mlbsands]

We have thought a lot about this and also have several friends with bi-racial and AA children (both bio and adopted). While we (my husband and I) feel like we would be blessed with any child and that you should parent color blind.. we also took the childs feelings into consideration..

We have friends that are white and adopted a black little boy and he is the love of thier life.. and they have told people that if they don't like him or the fact that they adopted him.. to bad.. which is great.. but I wonder what will happen to him when he gets older and has people question him? One of my other friends has a bi-racial child but he "looks" more white.. his father is very black and always gets questioned "are you his "real" father" "was your wife married before" "how can he be yours" .. while he is an adult and he deals with that.. his son will always have to answer the same kinds of questions going forward in life..

I guess what I am saying is that we would be happy to have a child of any race to love, but we fully know that if we have a child that "looks" different from us, we will not only have to know how to handle that, but also be prepared to help out child to deal with that for the rest of his/her life..

Anyway.. what my advice would be.. be very sure to not only think about you and your family and how everyone will treat the child.. but also look into the future and make sure that you are not making a situation that your child cannot handle growing up.. then.. find your child and love him/her to death and have a great life with them..

Mandy

[saj]

We have a biracial (CC/AA) 4 year old daughter and a son whose b-mom was Italian. My Husband is Polish and Scottish, I am Native American and French.

One of the more creative things we have done is to celebrate all of our cultural heritages. We attend any cultural event that has to do with any one of our mixed cultures.

We go to MLK Day parades, Native Pow Wow's, National Polish Allegiance dances, etc. Last week we attended an International Folk Festival and spent time emursed in each cultue. We make a big deal when ever we see or do anything that is relavant to any of our cultures. We collect many ethnic artifacts. The stories we read are from many cultures.

I also take my daughter to an AA hair salon once a week. Here she gets to experience AA women at their finest. Plus her hair looks great. We have a ball there. I drag my 5 year old son along, and he has a blast also.

Both kids play baseball (T Ball) in a very mixed league. From this group of children we draw our play groups and birthday party lists etc. Also, one of my closest friends has 6 children of which 2 are biracial, one is full AA and 3 are CC.

So, I think we are okay with both her CC and AA cultures. Where we are going to have the most difficulty is in helping her to deal with any racism that may raise its ugly head once she leaves the center of her very protective circle of family and friends.

One of the things my husband and I have noticed is that we are seeing many more "older parents"...and many, many transracial
families. Maybe its just because now we are noticing.

I will definately read the book that was recommended above.

Sincerely,

Saj

[cindylouwho68]

Thank you so much for the valuable input! My husband and I have decided that we will leave it up to God to decide who he will send us and not put any stipulations on race. Then we will take each situation as it comes and handle it the best we can, the same way we parent the boys. I will definitely get my hands on the book that was reccommended so I will be prepared.
Cindy