[HeavensGifts]

I am the adoptive mom of three children - two are Caucasian and one is Black American. My question is to other moms with multible race children.........I have people say how beautiful my baby is and then say things like "was he adopted at birth" or other things about him being adopted. I do not want to single him out especially when he gets a little older so I always answer their question and then feel I need to follow with "all my children are adopted" not so much for the person but so that my son never feels different from his sisters. Have you expierenced this and how do you handle it??

Thanks

Heavens Gifts

[sammycos]

I have been in that same situation ( We have adopted a 5 year old CC Girl ...at birth and 4 year old AA boy...18 months) It is frustrating and such.


I also point out that my daughter is adopted ( right or wrong I feel that she needs to be included.)

Best wishes, Andrea

[blessed with 2]

Our situation is slightly different. Our 4 year old is our biological child and our one year old is our adopted AA son. I haven't had too many people ask how he was adopted, but I have a lot of people just fawn over him and want to take him home. What is that about? I don't think anyone ever said they wanted to take my daughter home! Anyway, I just say, "No, we worked too hard to get him" But anyway, when he gets all the attention, I find other ways to include my daughter. When someone asks his name I tell them and then introduce his wonderful big sister. They usually get the idea that the children need to be treated equally. I think whatever works to include the children. No, we don't like to label our children, but we also don't want to single one out. I think you sharing briefly how you adopted all your children is a wonderful way to show unity. When your girls are older, I would give them the option of sharing about their adoption. They should have the choice who and when to share by then.

[Xanny]

There is a story in my family about someone asking me when I was about 2 if they could take me home (I started to scream in terror). I think it's just something people say to cute babies. It's like "I could just eat you up." I wouldn't take it too seriously.

[blessed with 2]

I realize people are just fawning over them. But like you at 2, I don't want my 4 year old to get the idea that it would be possible! It is hard when words are typed to get the full meaning across. I have learned though that often people will give more attention to a child of a different race because they don't want to say the wrong thing. I will be the first to say that my son is the cutest little guy I've ever seen, but my daughter was (and is) simply adorable too, and I do notice a difference in the attention they attract. Don't get me wrong, if someone feels the need to comment about my children, I would rather have it be positive, I just find it interesting is all!

[rebeccasusan]

We have an adopted, beautiful brown skinned baby boy(AA), and i have had both responses....both the overly attentive strangers, and the nosy questions. People are always asking "where is your son from?" which I think is a round about way of getting at his adoption details. Although I am happy to talk about adoption with my son, friends and aqcuintances, and find it an interesting subject, sometimes I get tired of talking about it with every wal-mart cashier and stranger I come into contact with. Plus, I am not sure how much of an invasion of privacy I think this is, on my own behalf, and more importantly, my sons. I was assuming that people would knock it off when they felt he would be old enough to understand. My husband is not annoyed by this, and we disagree on if it is rude, and what the response should be. If they ask where he's from, and i dont feel they are relevent to my life, i just say "here." and leave it at that.

[bumpkin]

I have a similar situation - we have ason who is cc and everyone thinks he looks like us, we are considering another adoption with with a biracial child and have thought that people will asume that he is our bio and the other is adopted. Any good ideas for answering those questions.

thanks

[bbkmomma]

I have a bio son (7) and an adopted AA/Caucasian son (4). When the question issue arises, I just make sure whatever I say will sound positive and uplifting to my sons.

Sometimes I just love to watch strangers try to figure us out -- their expressions are often hilarious.

The most important thing is making my sons feel special and wanted.

[heymom]

I am the c adopted mom of 2 aa boys. I base my answers on adoptive questions in large part by who is asking. If it's a friend or aquaintance who is interested in adoption, I'll be more open.
As far as people in the checkout line at the grocery store trying to figure out our family by asking me a litany of questions, I usually look them in the eye, give them a friendly smile and say, "Why do you ask?"

Adoption is a great way to build a family, and I'm thrilled people are open to talking about it. However, my kids' stories are theirs, and I try to be selective who I share deteails with until they are old enough to decide these things.

[MariposaLoca]

We're in the process of adopting a 5 y.o. from Taiwan and since he's our first Asian child after 4 homegrown children, I'm expecting tons of questions and stares. A friend of mine adopted a baby from China a few months ago (after having 2 homegrown children) and told me about some of the comments she's been getting. Someone even asked if she had had an affair!

There's an online course you can take called Conspicuous Families at: http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/courses/
You have to register for a user name and password, but it's free unless you want a print-out of a certificate to show you've taken the course.

It was a good course, but I'm sure I'm going to need a refresher after our little boy arrives!