[AdriannaS]

I am interested in adopting a child from another country, specifically from Kazakhstan, and specifically a child who is either of native Kazakh or mixed orgin. I know that our families and friends will accpet the child, but I was wondering if there are any other issues involved with people outside of our immediate support structure. Don't worry about giving bad stories (as well as good ones of course). This is something that will most likely happen no matter what, I just want to be prepared for what we can expect.
THANKS!!!!
Adrianna

[alicia hunter]

There are always people who will say things to you if your child does not look like you. Have you looked at the thread "This question takes the cake"? My daughter is part hispanic and people often ask "What is she?". I just figure that most times people are genuinely curious and just don't know what or how to ask. If you want to know more pm me.

[ninamo1]

HI there,

Adoption is what it means, to adopt is a noun which means: instance of adopting somebody or something: an instance of adopting somebody or something such as an idea, name, or attitude. Thus adoption is a two way street, you get a child and you inherit a culture different then your own. Embrace the differences between people, you will find the community that best fits your families needs, you just have to open your eyes.

Just a bit of what ever.... If you are thinking that the child that you would like to adopt will have trouble in the community that you inhabit, move on or out. In every community, there are people who look different, speak differently, have obvious physical differences. Unless you reside in a community that everyone has blue eyes and blond hair, then you have nothing to worry about. In addition, children from Kazakhstan are a mix of caucasian, russian and gypsy. They look like the majority of caucasian people in the USA.

Also many children don't look like their parents (that's where the milkman comes in... just joking) Lighten up.

Good luck in your travels

nina

[AdriannaS]

I definately wouldn't live in a community that would not accept my child being a different race than me. I wouldn't want to be the kind of community in anyway. I think my main worry is people giving us trouble because the child might look a different race. Trouble might be a strong word, but you know what i mean....like people not believing its really our child. I know that there are a number of children in Kazakhstan that are Russian and would look more like us (we are both of Eastern European orgin), and we still might adopt one of those kids....i don't know until we actually start all this and see what happens. I just know I would like a child of Kazakh orgin. You never what can happen though.

I totally agree that you should embrace their culture. I started seriously thiunking about international adoption becasue I studied in Russia twice, and for some reason Kazakhstan has always interested me, even though I've never been there. But we'll see what happens I geuss

[KGreenT]

Trouble might be a strong word, but you know what i mean....like people not believing its really our child.

My son and I are two different colors. When strangers look at us from a distance, they may not realize that we are mother and son. When they get close enough to actually see how we interact with each other they realize immediately that we have a deep connection. I can honestly say that I don't care if people believe he is our child... he is.

If you are truly concerned about a child looking just like you than maybe you might want to think about your motives for adopting transracially.

Good luck on your journey!

[blessed with 2]

Congratulations on your adoption plans! We looked a lot at Kazakhstan, but we decided to adopt domestically. My sister taught there for a year and met her husband while there, so we thought it would be great to adopt from that country. I can identify with your question though, since our son is a different race then we are. We occasionally get looks, most are simply curious, some are just rude, but those are very few. I understand looking at all sides and trying to imagine what things will be like once you become a multicultural family. I am only beginning to learn what it is like for someone who is not white in this country. Some things I did not expect...Our neighbor who was so supportive when our daughter was born and oohed and ahhed over her never bothered to come see our son. People who would say things like "Look, his hair isn't TOO curly" Like he was somehow better if he didn't look quite as black. (I wished I had known then that it was simply his baby hair! I would wet it down and put creme in it to make sure it looked curly!) I'm sure you will get your own comments and looks, and they will vary from simple curiosity to those really rude ones. You will find your own ways to deal with them. We generally stay calm and try and educate, but I agree that there are times that you just move on as well. I think the more we can educate people the better things will be for our children as they grow, and the better this world will be for our grandchildren.

[NDevine]

I am the adoptive mother of a beautiful baby girl who happens to be a different Colour to my husband and I (although I have similar racial background, but it does not show in the colour of my skin.) We also have 4 biological children. It is not an issue to our family, community or friends. But when we meet people that know us but don't know the circumstances sourounding her adoption, we do get some interesting comments and questions, such as, 'is that your grandchild?' Or 'I didn't know you and your husband had split up.'
People feel silly once you have explained to them, but I really wouldn't worry about what other people say, or think. If they are worried about colour or race, it is their problem, not yours.
We live in a world that is becoming very multicultural, we should celebrate our differences and not let others dictate what our families should Look like. It is up to us to make for them, a loving nuturing enviroment, in which they feel valued & loved.

[AdriannaS]

Thank you for all your good stories and all the help.....it has been helpful.
I'm mainly worried about places like schools, hospitals, day care, ect....But i like hearing all about it....I want to be prepared
This is something I really want to do. My father's step mother was black and I think it really added a depth and richness to have that piece of diversity right there in the family unit. That is something I want to continue. I think life would be too boring if everyone looked the same!

[NDevine]

I guess I am not qualified to answer questions about schools and daycare centers, as I live in New Zealand, mixed marriages and children being different colours to their parents is common. Although when it comes to adoption, a child of a different race is more unusual, social workers try to match the child with a similar ethnic background.
My advice is talk to the daycare people and be up front with professionals. If they are aware of the situation it will save alot of hassle later. These people are there to provide a service, not pass judgement.
I assume you live in the USA, isn't racial discrimination illegal there?
don't let the race issue put you off. Also don't let the child loose sight of where he/ she came from. It then won't be a big deal later in life.
It sounds like you will be wonderful parents. Good luck with your journey. I look forward to your news when it all happens!

[AdriannaS]

You said the exact word I've been trying to explain...hassle...I'm not affraid of racial discrimination...that IS against the law, though unfortunately it happens....I don't know if that even occurs....I just want to know what to expect so I can be ready...something as important as a child, I want to be as ready as possible...there is so much uncertainty in raising a child....i want to be as educated as I can.....
I have a huge family so i know anything can happen, but I figure you should be as prepared as I can

[jewell2blue]

Adriannas, the most hurtful things so far for us has been learning how real racism is in America...being as white as white can be,we came home from our time working in Malawi, Africa with a very dark son! We expected we'd attract at the very least curious double takes and that has been mostly the case. But not too long ago when we went to a playground and our 4 yr old climbed up the steps to a slide a little white boy said, "hey black boy get out of here, we don't want to play with you" -- just writing it is making me cry all over again...I'd always hoped that racism in America was more of a political issue than a street level one if you know what I mean. We had originally planned to raise him in Malawi, but had to return here for an indefinite period of time. We're thinking of adopting from Africa to make sure he has someone to grow up with who'll be able to truly relate....
That's also why we're searching for families in our area who could lend us support as a transracial family...Anyway, blessings on your journey,

Julie

[AdriannaS]

To me, the worst part of that story was that a child said that. Its terrible that people teach their children such hurtful, terrible things. Usually you don't find that in children....they are taught that....I'm so sorry that happened.
But, I do want to hear these things.....i want to be prepared...at least that way I can be ready to answer questions he/she might have

[sienna]

As a teacher of seventh and eighth graders, I think it would be beneficial to know about students who have issues. If their issues stem from adoption, I think that would be good to know. Otherwise, I don't see why teachers would need to know of students who are adopted.

If you adopt a child, it might be a good idea to let teachers know because chances are, there will be some issues stemming from the adoption. The only purpose of informing teachers of adoption is so that if there are behavioral problems, the teacher may better understand from where they have derived.

[DebCsMom]

My husband & I are white along with our 2 biological children. Our adopted children are a Biracial daughter, an African American daughter and an African American son. We also have a daughter through guardianship who is white. We have had our share of "issues" to deal with when it comes to our children. BUT we have had very little negative responses. I can't think of anything that was a "hassel". Our Biracial daughter is the oldest adopted child & she will be 4 in May. We have not had any problems with school, hospitals, church, anything. The problems we do get are from the people who don't accept them because of their color, not because we have adopted them, just because of their color. But again, those have been very little. Right from the start, we told EVERYONE we were adopting Biracial or full African American. Our experience has been great. We've learned some GREAT come backs though! LOL Like the time the lady asked me if I knew those kids were balck when we adopted them? LOL "OH MY GOD, what do you mean?" I LOVE the come back a good friend of mine said when she was asked why she adopted a BLACK baby this time. Without hesitation she said, "Because they ran out of white children". Don't worry about what other will say. It's the way you raise your children to accept themselves and the way you explain to them the way the world is that will make them strong!!

[AdriannaS]

Thank you all for your help!! These are great stories. You've all really confirmed my thinking. I thought it would be a great experience and a great way to live life, and i see that it is!! I'm really excited now! Of course, this won't happen for a long long while....But i'm really excited about it!