[sheree72]

My husband and I are the parents of a beautiful 5 year old daughter. Recently we have started homestudy to adopt a child throught the state. Our social worker let us know a a 2 year old and 8 month old whos parental rights have been terminated looking for a home. We are very excited but concerned if getting 2 children at once would be unfair for a 5 year old whos has been the only child for 5 years. We realize one child would be an ujustment , but would it be unfair to recieve two little ones at once. Any opionions would be great we would want the to be a happy transition for all of us...

[Howdy]

I was reading a chapter in a book about that, and it said it was important that the parents remember that the older kids have feelings and rights and be sure to still give them attention, one-on-one time with each parent, not let the new kids destroy their stuff or interfere with their social time (not follow big brother/sister around when he is playing with friends). The book said it was important to know what the normal development tasks are for the children who were already in the house, and be sure that the adoption doesn't interfere (for example, it said if there was a teenager who was at a developmental stage where friendships are very important, that the parents shouldn't overly burden the teenager with babysitting). It said it was a good idea for the parents, after the initial adjustment period when they would understandably be very busy, to ask the other kids how they feel and what would make things better for them. As an example it said one family asked their son (I forget his age, maybe 10 yrs) and he said he wanted to do fun things with just them sometimes, so they arranged that every friday night the little ones would stay home with a babysitter and they went to the movies with the older son.

As far as having two new kids suddenly sprung on a 5 yr old, I suppose you will have time to introduce the idea (and even the kids) to her before they move in. One of my friends had twins a couple months ago, and her 5 yr old boy is (she says) a very proud brother and loves the babies, so I guess it must be possible to successfully bring two kids in at once. I assume he had several months of preparation tho.

[sheree72]

Thankyou for you time in answering that. I just know it is very important to remember our 5 year old needs and wants. Maybe the fact that i am aware of them will make me believe i wont make her feel she is being put to the side. We havent met the 2 year old boy and 9 month old but we are very excited about it. We would be adopting them through the state . The 2 year old had drugs in his system when he was born but is on track and the little girl didnt have any drugs in her system. That too im sure will help her adjust because we wont have to put that extra attention on a special needs child. They have been in the same foster home since birth so it'll be an adjustement for of all us. Although we should be gratefull period that they havent bounced from one home to the other...

[GrammaEvelyn]

Well I just had my second child but before he was born I in volved my 5yr old in the process that is always a good Idea. You might try sitting down and talking to her on her level, such as ask her if she would be interested in being a big sister to two children who really need a big sister really bad, and if she wouldn't mind sharing her mom and dad with someone else maybe even two some elses, let her know that her mom and dad will still love her just the same. How I told my daughter was "You know mommy loves you and wouldn't let anyone ever change that cause that's Impossible I love you more than anything in the world, but I have enough love for you and your brother do you think you have enough love to give me and your brother? Do you think you canbe the best big sister in the whole wide world?" She replied " Of course mommy but I'm your first baby and I'll always be your first baby right? They say the darndest things I got down eye level with her took 5mins to gather my thoughts and think like a five year old and said to her " Yes, you are my first baby and you will always be my baby no matter how big or how old you get the same with your brother." They seem to need a lot reassurance throught the adjusting process so it's good to include them in things such as bath time for baby or helping pick babies clothes or help dress baby, etc. If you do decide to do this since there is a 2 yr old purhapes she could help get shirt on or get shoes and socks on and show how to tie shoes, and help with picking the 8mon olds clothes and such make her feel she is so important that you can do it without her but becareful as it can back fire cause daughter is a little mother hen now and she dotes on her little brother he can just start fussing a little and she's yelling mom baby needs you right now hurry. That's my advice.

[Mary Anne Y]

I have 4 bith boys all witch are verry close in age they all have thear own time and space but they all ways look for each other it would be like you having twins so the 5 year old will do fine let the 5 year old help you get the rooms ready and buy thing for them just keep in mind the one that was born with drugs may have some learning disabilty latter in life so please keep an eye on that good luck