[Vogi2002]

Okay I have to vent. I have been seeing a LOOOOT of the following attitudes toward our family lately, and they are EQUALLY annoying to me. Mind you, my sister is black, we are cc, so I grew up with being a transracial family, so someone has to be pretty blatant about it if it catches my attentiong (otherwise I ignore it).

1. Black people looking at you like you have no right to be raising that black child. Almost looking at my son in pity.

2. White people looking at you like your a savior who "saved" this child.


GRRRR It makes me want to scream!! The first one because I want to look at them and say "YOU have faced racism & stereotyping in your life...so why the HECK would you go and do it to someone else?? DO NOT ASSUME that I am not capable of raising this child ANY less than ANY of you raised your children."

To the second.."Many of the black families I am close with are closer than many of the white families I know, and his was no different. He would have had love & a good home if his mom had decided to not place him."

I have to say, these two situations are the most irritating to me...even more so than flat out racism sometimes. I think suttle racism / stereotyping can be worse because these people usually will REFUSE to think that what they are doing is actually spewing hate. Why can't we just be a freaking community together. Why do we have to fight each other & assume the worse about the other?


Okay...I'm done for my vent of the day. Thanks for listening to me rant! LOL

[kelceesmom]

Rant away. It is very irritating at times. We should be one community not sub divided IMO. Maybe our kids will have that.

[aclee]

I've had some people who tell me how "LUCKY" Tyler is, and how blessed his birth family is that we adopted him. I just always say we are the lucky and blessed ones in the equation! So far the only "looks" I've gotten have been from CC mothers. When I see cute babies I often look at them and then will catch their mom's eye and smile at her. There have been a few cases where I've been watching a little cutie and I look up at the mother and she's looking at Tyler with a look on her face like she ate somethine rotten. I usually still try to smile and walk away. So far anyone black that has seen me with Tyler has been very nice.

[thanksgivingmom]

Vogi, rant away, it can be so helpful to just say what's on your mind.

I know you're venting, and you know I think you're great, so please don't take this the wrong way, I'm going to just toss out a possibility.

I made some very strong activist friends in the AA community when I was in college - we were all about fighting racism and it was awesome. One of my best friends A was AA and we would get into heated discussions about stuff all the time. I learned a LOT and had a whole different way of seeing the world, white privilege, etc.

Anyway, all of this taught me to look at things and see if there is something more "there" than what appears on the surface. I think (and this is all pure conjecture) that some of the looks you get from the AA community might not be entirely that you don't have a right to parent C or that they feel sorry for him. (And some might be, don't get me wrong). When I read your vent I pictured my friend A and that she would likely look at a white couple with an AA child with some disdain...not because the parents aren't deserving or because she would feel sorry for the child, but because she was sad that an AA mother had to place her child, perhaps disappointed thinking the child might have been removed from the home. She would have seen it as a failure for the AA community that a child be removed or placed away from it.

The AA community is often the victim of a group mindset - the thought that the actions of one are representative of the group as a whole. Caucasions don't have the same experience. Ex. A white guy steals something from a store and that white guy is a thief. A black guy steals something from a store and all black men are thieves. You know? It's the whole basis of stereotyping...ugh. Anyway, in relation to your story, my friend would see you parenting C as evidence to the ignorant that black women can't raise thier own children. I'm sorry that you are feeling negative reprecussions from this though.

Wow, this was a lot longer than I planned.

Huge hugs and support of your vent though