[melpears]

I am the cauc adoptive mom of two So American children. My daughter, who looks more like a bi-racial child, is now, at age 10, becoming suddenly very unmanageable. I think some is due to hormones. Also, her birth mom seemed to have trouble with mood management, and my daughter has neurological issues (mild seisure disorder controlled by meds). I simply don't know where to look for resources to help with counselling over adoption and possibly attachment disorder. She keeps talking about her birth mom, but also about all sorts of people who are no longer around (due to moving, job changes, and death). Does anyone out there know of a web source for adoption-related counselling. We live in Albuquerque, NM, by the way. I have asked around but no help so far. She is not too good on the keyboard, but I imagine soon she will be able to join a chat room for others in her situation.

She keeps talking about her birth mom, but also about all sorts of people who are no longer around (due to moving, job changes, and death).

that sounds like she is afraid of losing yet another person that she loves or cares for. If you want to find a family therapist, start looking in the phone book under counseling or family therapy. Ask for a therapist who specializes in working with adopted children. If they don't sound confident, ask for referrals.

You might also want to call your local psychiatric hospital and see if they provide services for children, that's another opportunity to find a referral.

best of luck!

[lucyjoy]

I can't ever remember the web address, but if you type Nancy Thomas into your search engine, her web page should pop up. She has a list of providers in different areas that are qualified to deal with attachment/adoption issues. Also, I believe www.attach.org also has a list. Their are some providers that will come to you. Don't wait to find someone, start now. Teen years are interesting enough without the complications.

[melpears]

Thanks for the information. I will investigate the Nancy Thomas site (nancythomasparenting.com). The attach.org site showed not one such therapist in NM. That's how it is here! But the other site showed two in NM, and I am willing to travel a bit. I do wonder if anyone can describe whether attachment therapies are helpful, without being too harsh or confusing to an already confused little girl. She has been poked and prodded a lot by doctors for her neurological issue. Also being a preemie, she had a lot of medical issues. Anyway, thanks for your help.

[lucyjoy]

We used a variety of attachment therapies and have found them very helpful, but what I did notice is that different kids required different therapies even though their circumstances were similar.

We were tought a very confrontive therapy in New York that me as the mom had to do on my own at home. It was extremely successful with our most severe child at the time, but I felt it was more harmful to a couple of the others.
We used another type of therapy that was somwhat confrontive done by a therapist from Utah who was a healed RAD child herslf.
It was helpful with some kids.

We had a therapist use EMDR with some kids and that with reparenting and RAD parenting allowed for healing in that child.

It's important to talk openly with the therapist before and after a session to understand what is being done.

I think not persuing the attachment treatment could be much more harmful then dealing with the trauma of her past.

[melpears]

Dear Lucyjoy, Can you explain what type of therapy you mean when you mention EMDR? I am a little familiar with RAD, but never heard of EMDR. Thanks for your encouragement.

[lucyjoy]

I've seen this done, but I'm not sure I understand it very well and I have no memory of what the initials stand for. It's very effective in dealing with PTSD and early trauma, even if the kids don't cognitively remember the trauma. It's done with therapy type suggestions, eye movement and certain had movements.
It helps the child be able to remember the trauma without feeling the fear everytime it pops up. One of my children, who had been abusive to me, had good results from this. He was able to understand that the anger he was using on me, was not a result of anything I'd done, but was from his past.

I know that's a terrible explaination, but I don't know how to explain it. I was an observer to this but participated in the attachment therapies. Maybe Dr. Art is familiar with this and could explain it better. He's on the special needs forum.
Sorry I'm not more help on this.

[Elaine DePrince]

Perhaps the most significant thing about your daughter's moods right now is not really the adoption-related issue but the effect of approaching puberty on a child with a seizure disorder. The stew of hormones could increase seizure activity and it might present as a behavior problem. Have you mentioned the current unmanageable behavior to your daughter's neurologist? It might be helpful if you did.