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My biological mother is white, my biological father is black. My adoptive parents are white. My adoptive parents had three children of their own, adopted two more, and then read about my brother (not biological) in the newspaper. He was abondoned by his mother and now was being put up for adoption. My Amother was able to adopt him. So now they had three biological children, and three adopted children. They thought that would be enough children, until they started noticing a change in the baby they just adopted. You see, as he got older, his skin color started to change. They realized that he was most likely half black and half white. So they figured that because the rest of the family was white, and they lived in an all-white neighborhood, they should try and adopted another mixed child so he could have someone to relate to. That's when I came into the picture. I was almost three when I was adopted into the family. My Abrother and I were only three months apart in age, and were very close growing up...I guess because we related to each so much.

I know that my parents didn't intend to adopt biracial children, I guess you can say it was an accident. To this day I don't know why my parents never talked to us about our black heritage. To this day I am too afraid to ask. I too am guilty though of not really caring or being interested in my black side.

My life growing up was "normal". I never wanted for anything. My parents were always very open with us about our adoptions, always answering the never-ending questions we always asked.

I am thirty years old now, and with the support of my family have met my biological mother and her family. I guess this is why the issue of my color is on my mind so much lately. I know who my biological father is and where he is, but I am very hesitant about contacting him.

I often feel so intimidated by black people. I wonder what they think of me, the way I talk, the way I look. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "you are only black on the outside." I have allowed myself to have such low self-esteem as a result of being biracial growing up in a white family.

Ironically though, I am married to a black man. He has asked me why I only dated black men, and I could never answer that question....I don't know. My Abrother on the other hand, married a white woman.

I don't know, I guess I don't even have a point here, just needed to get some things out I guess. I could go on forever, but I won't.

Thanks for listening,
M.

[Archive]

Dear M-Your story touched my heart.I am an older black woman
almost 49.My grandmother who raised me was bi-racial and
with race relations being what they were back then I understand why she never talked about her father who was a influential white man married to a wealthy white woman.Today the story goes on as more bi-racial children are placed in the foster care system.The needs of these children are often not met as they are adopted by white families who think color
blindness is the way to raise all kids.This is an ostrich
with his head in the sand approach as you can readily testify.
You grow up with no sense of self as if you're caught between
two worlds.I am presently trying to adopt myself and have
complained about the recent laws which make it harder for black families to adopt and easier for such "clueless" white
couples to adopt black and bi-racial children.My grandmother
had to suffer the fact that not only was she mixed but she looked so much like her father's legitimate daughter that she
could be mistaken for her twin.Politicians and social scientists may believe their policies and programs work but they do not address the special needs of children of color.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Mauri

....that biracial children being foster-cared or adopted by black families are being exposed to their white cultures? At my agency, where I foster, I know of several black families who are in the process of adopting their biracial foster children. Do you think this works both ways? I personally think it is just as important that these children are given the oppurtunity to embrace their white heritage as well as their black heritage. Just "food for thought", I've never seen it discussed in these reverse cases. Thankyou for your stories...very enlightening.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By yrand

In America white "culture" is everywhere you don't have to search for it.It is the standard and considered the norm.It's on t.v., in the movies, the media in general is influenced by it. It IS the dominant culture taught in schools and so called multicultural studies or history is viewed through the lens of this culture.This is why I feel that "true" black culture could never be taught to a black or biracial child by a white parent.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Beth Hall

Dear M,
Thanks for sharing on such an intimate level. I think it is always helpful to hear from the people who experience transracial adoption on the inside, the adopted people. Your experience sounds similar in many ways to others that describe feeling uncertain about their sense of belonging to the black community. You obviously feel comfortable with your husband; perhaps some of his appeal was even in reconciling the African American ‘part’ of yourself with the white ‘part’ that your Afamily obviously gave you. Did you know that adoption professionals often suggest that it is easier for biracial kids to be adopted by white families ("because they share part of their heritage") than children of single race, like a fully black child? We have long disagreed with this notion, thinking that in fact being biracial is already complicated because of the need to sort out identity issues in a society that wants to see people according to strictly labeled boxes and racial descriptions so to add it to the also complicated transracial experience, makes for a double whammy, if you will. I wonder in your own parents case if they might have been uncertain how to talk to you and your brother about race, as white people are so often afraid of such discussions. Feeling uncertain and un-entitled, fearing they will say the wrong thing. Its too bad since they did the opposite when it came to adoption, it seems like it might have helped you in the same way the other discussions did. I wonder how they have accepted your husband? Anyway, once again, thank you for sharing with all of us these bits of your personal life. I wish you the best on your journey and hope that you will be able to connect with others who can help you feel better about yourself as you find more comfort with your full identity.
Beth

[Archive]

Originally Posted By BEth Hall

I agree with yrand, African Americans have to be conversant in the dominant culture of American (white) to be able to successfully negotiate a job, school, and almost any instituionalized situation successfully - irrespective of adoption. White people do not have to be conversant with African American culture or people in the converse sense. This makes whtie peoples challenges in parenting across racial lines far more significant. While I do think it is possible, it is not trivial. The goal for these children and all children is to have the benefit of the full racial and ethnic heritage which means that they deserve to feel comfortable in all communities to which their birth and adoptive heritage gives them membership. They also deserve to understand that America is an UN-LEVEL playing field in which racism is rampant and operative. Many of us that are white have to educate ourselves to this reality because we have not had a lifetime of personal experiences which confirm it.

[Archive]

Am new to this web site, however I was very happy to find it and I thank you for giving me a voice to express myself. It isn't easy to find supportive ears when discussing such a sensitive issue.

I would like to share my life story. I am 30 years old and on a road of self-discovery. I am a foster-care survivor!! I am Inuit--in Canada, however in USA we are still known as Eskimos.

While sharing my personal story, I must shed light on the bigger picture that most have not heard. I am from a long line of social injustice and upheaval. I am a testament to the history of mistreatment of Aboriginal people on this continent by the Europeans. I am aware that this statement is a serious allegation, however the world human rights commission would not disagree with me.

Through twentieth century practices like forced surrending of our children, the residential school system, the Indian Act policy, and forced settlement of our peoples, government had a goal to further disempower already impoverished Indigenous peoples in this country.

The theft of Aboriginal babies across Canada served two ends, shrinking the population of Native communities, and meeting the adoption needs gaps of white communities. This happened during the 1950's and 1960's. A noted Canadian writer, Geoffrey York published a book that examines and exposes this practice. (The Dispossessed, Life and Death in Native Canada). In his book, York coins this as the 60's scoop up and condemns the practice. A friend gave me the book out of concern for me, it offered me hope when I needed it most.

The consequences of these government practices are all too obvious--the Aboriginal community on a whole has the lowest income, the highest infant mortality rates, and the highest rates of suicides proportionately to mainstream Canadian population. We also have the highest birth rates which means we also have a younger, but growing population.

Being a Native foster care child has not been easy for me, although I am mixed--having a white American father, and Inuit mother, I have the features of the Inuit. I thought I was a full blooded Inuk(one Inuit) until I found my biological family about five years ago.

I have been traumatized by my life experience. In spite of my residing in a major metropolis that is called the multi cultural city of our country, based on my race, I am treated like a second class citizen more often than is acceptable. I moved here a few years ago to get away from the racism that dictated my life on the East Coast of Canada.

As a child, I grew up in a very small town that was all white. I never met another Native until I was in my 20's, until that time, I was an alien in the literal sense. In spite of having well intentioned adoptive parents, I was treated poorly by the community that I lived in. I was never accepted and almost always denegrated because of the color of my skin.

Aboriginal foster care survivors that are returning to the Aboriginal community are met with mixed reactions--nobody knows how to handle or assist us. Many are already dead and others have mental illnesses, and alcohol or drug abuse problems. I have met many people, who like myself, were mistreated.

Further, I have 6 biological siblings. We share the same biological mother and 4 different fathers. We were raised in various places in the USA and Canada. Some were not informed as to race and were mistaken for other races. There is one brother I haven't met, living in Florida and raised in a total of 8 foster homes. (We hope to meet this summer). I keep in touch with other members of the biological family, however connecting and getting to know each other is difficult since we live so far apart.

I am in therapy to heal my wounds and find some sense of resolve. I don't think I will ever be a normal person with a normal life. I have had many bouts of depression and anxiety. I have resigned myself to knowing that I will never really feel like I have an identity. I was robbed of that, but I can try to create a new one for myself.

I hope that in sharing my story, that other people can learn that transracial adoptions are wrong. I would be happy to have further discussion around this issue, because it is so important to me.

Thanks again for the opportunity to share

[Archive]

[Archive]

Originally Posted By SHANNON

I am not adopted but i am biracial and did grow up around my mothers family which is white. Be yourself and love all of yourself. Get to know your black heritage because it is a part of who you are. And this is also going to be what your children will be. We have the best of both worlds.
I am 28years old and have a sister I guess to be about 3 years younger then me. She too is biracial and was adopted by what I was told to be a white family. While searching for her, I wonder how she grew up and delt with the same issues you are dealing with. If you ever need to talk I am here.
Shannon

[suebeth50]

Hello The only reason I am replying is the fact that I am a birthmother of a bi-racial baby girl. The point is that most of us Americans are of mixed races. All of our ancestors came from some place and like myself am,heinz 57. My mother is english irish dutch,my father was french and german. I wasnt given any options when my baby girl was born out of rape. My family would not allow me to bring her home. I wonder and pray alot that she is ok and had a good life. It is agonizing to not know if she is alive and how she is and was treated. The state Im from has sealed records and I have posted on every site I can,so if she is searching for me,only by the grace of God, will she see a post. TY and it is very interesting to read how people really feel about, in particular,african american bi-racial. Sincerely

[dramagal79]

Hi M,

Although I am black and not biracial I too grew up in a multiracial family with white parents, 3 biological siblings and another black child adopted after me.
I was fortunate to be exposed to my culture and heritage from a young age, although a white family can never teach you everything. I think that is is very important for you to explore your black side, especially now that you are married. If you plan on having bio kids or adopting it will be very important for you to have a true sense of self in order to instill pride in your children.
No one can say for sure why you married a black man but I have a feeling it was your inate curiosity with this other half of 'yourself'. Does that make sense to you?
In my situation I have NO knowledge about my birth family as I was abandoned and that is something I have had to deal with my entire life. I think you should take this blessing of an oppurtunity and contact your birthfather and then learn more about that side of your family. Take your husband with you he can be a great support and perhaps make this transition easier for you.

As for your insecurities you experience around black people, I can relate completley. Even though I am fully black with (deep milk chocolate complexion) as i was growing up I never felt that I always fit in with the other black girls in my highschool and that they looked down on me because i was 'too white'. The whole 'oreo' and whitewash complex is an awful thing to experience..
I wish you all the best, let us know how things go.
If you'd like to talk more feel free to email me @ judecraig@yahoo.com
blessings
J~g

[weesil88]

Hello,
Your story was so touching to me. I am an adoptee, but my husband and I are considering adopting and adopting whoever God gives us, black, hispanic, white or whoever, it just doesn't matter. A child in need of a home, is a child in need of a home.
I am interested to see what advice you would have for us if we(who are white) adopt a child of a different race?
As for you, I have to say it sounds like God blessed you with a very loving adoptive family. It might have been because of their ignorance that they never showed you a different side of your heritage. Alot of people hide under ignorance for many reasons. You were their child for one, cultural differences might have separated you from them in their minds or it could have just not have been an issue for them, so they thought it wouldn't be for you.
I hope you realize that it is not "Black on the outside" it is YOU on the outside and in! A color does not make you who you are. You make you who you really are. God knew every hair on your head before he created you. This society puts such an emphasis on race not on what's inside and I think that is a shame. If your adotive parents raised you to be a healthy, independant, sane individual with strengths that only you have then they did a Great job and so did you! Alot of times looking at life it is all perspective. Now that you found your birth parents I am sure alot of questions are arising in you. But never forget who YOU are in the mix! Nature vs. Nurture has been a long standing battle, but you know what without Nurture, Nature would have never been able to take over to it's fullest potential! May God Bless you and I pray all goes well with your biological father, he is a part of you and maybee finding him will complete your journey. Please e-mail me with your comments at weesil88Aol.com Thanks!

In God's Love Alone,
Louise

[crys_3]

thank u M for sharing your story. I know where you r coming from. I am a bi-racial woman who has been through many foster homes when i was younger, both black and white households. And I realize now that even being bi-racial, it is so hard to understand and learn your black heritage when with a white family. I ended up being adopted by a interracial couple, but they divorced so i was mostly raised by my aa adopted mother and her aa family. as im heading to college, i realize that i am now not lacking knowledge of my african american heritage, by my white. and yeah, its all in the media and all that, but the media cant teach you who you r. and i now feel like i am lacking. I want to be able to be in a relationship with white men as well as black, but i just dont know how to go about it. all my life i have heard white ppl this and white ppl that by my black relatives that i dont know what to think

[newsasha299]

I am sorry but I cannot relate to the posts and angst about being biracial and groing up in a white family. I apparently cannot grasp the problem.
When I hear pple saying they grew up white I have to question what is it? what does that mean? In my school years I was one of a few non-white students and at home it was not a plain black household. It was a Jewish, East Indian and black household (care of all 4 grandparents). We learnt history as it belonged to ALL people and not just one ethnicity. We learnt all music types (although I cannot stomach rap as it is now).
All those who are considering that they "missed" something ask them selves what it was that they missed. Was it just being in a homogenious environment? Was it the challanges of having to address other people's generalizations? What would have made your home a "black" home? Growing up black is not the "Huxtibles" or "sanford" but somewhere inbetween just like being in any other family!
In my family we had a very suburban type life while my husband (he is multi-racial too!) had a totally different inner city type life growing up. Two different experiences but two similar ethnicities does that make one of us "more black" than the other? Just something to think about!

The final word in my lecture - The grass always looks greener on the other side! The world is your oyster!

[LBGUVA]

I want to thank you all for giving me the opportunity to read your posts. My husband and I are white with six bio. kids. We literally stumbled on a birthmother who is white expecting to deliver pretty soon to a biracial little girl. You know, I never once thought of the issues that were brought up in the posts!
I guess dummy us simply looked at it as "Here is this young girl, totally unable to care for this child, we can do it finacially and are children think it's great, why not" Are we selfish for thinking only of ourselves? We live outside the DC area, which is a melting pot of diversity, and in our kids schools it's just about anything goes.
After reading the posts and hearing the mixed views on rearing a biracial child, I've considered not going through with the impending adoption. Maybe she would be better served in a home without a bunch of white siblings. Would she be better in a home with biracial parents? I can't teach her to be black. I wish I could give her that. We've pounded the message into our kids to Respect. In order to be respected, you have to respect yourself and that of others! Colour is that, it's a shade, a tint a pigment, it's not the character of the being. Maybe I'm really off base.
Are we harming this unborn little girl by adopting her into our white house? She never asked for all of this, like any other child she only wants to be loved, cared and brought up knowing she's a valued, wonderful, smart, and she has parents who will love her simply for who she is.
Like our other children, we would do anything to to make her life as wonderful as we can.

My love to you all.
Lynne