[AudreyE]

Thank you!

Audrey

[SherBear2528]

We didn't really get that 'real' comment until our fourth child joined the family - he's a biological son. So people have said things like that as well as "and he's your own?" I just say, "well, they're all mine." And people say, "you know what I mean."
Most people don't mean anything by it, they just don't get the same education as far as terminology that we do as we go through the adoption process. It's interesting, but the more people we kindly educate, the better world we will have in the future.

[triciabn]

Next time anyone give you the "your not the real mom" thing....
Pinch them
ask them "did that hurt?"
as they rub their arm and say yes

"well see.... how's that for real? That wouldn't have hurt if I wasn't real!"
OR


"not real? Well then what the heck?! Why have I been changing so many REAL diapers?"
Tricia

[Shadowfaerie]

Originally Posted by heatherc11

I was at a new mom's group today(I was the only one who was an adoptive mommy) with my four month old son Jackson. I was having a conversation with another mommy about getting him to sleep better at night and she said " well you're not his real mom anyway" Any ideas what I can say to this without sounding rude myself? (Personally I wanted to scream but...)

Wow, I had nearly that same experience in a mom's group, how odd. Someone wanted to know if any of Angelina Jolie's kids were her "real" children and there I am with my adopted son sitting right in front of her. I just said "well, they're all her real children" and left it at that.

I wonder how getting a baby to sleep and not being his biological mother have anything to do with each other?? It sounds like she was just trying to be rude but had no witty way to be so.

[salisburymom07]

Remember this, anyone can give birth. That does not mean they can be a parent. Most people though don't understand adoption. Try not to slam people but rather educate them.

[musemoon]

"Oh my gosh, I left the real mom in the oven....be right back"

[DebCsMom]

I've had that said to me a few times. Usually I just say, "Yes I am their REAL mom".

We have 2 bio & 3 adopted. I get asked things like, "What do your real children..." Again I just say, "They are ALL my REAL children".

Sometimes I get asked,"What does their real mother....." I say, "Well, their BIRTH Mother...."

This one I love, "Are they all related?" DUH, you idiot!!!! I just cringe on the inside & say, "They have been since birth" or "They are now"

Get this one, OHHHH you'll love it!!!

One woman said to me, "You need to take care of your OWN children first" referring to our bio children!!!!!!!!! OH YEA! That got me going! You should have heard the rest of the conversation!!!! It started out ugly before she made that comment & it was the first time I actually got really upset & raised my voice at a comment like that.

My Mother In Law is great, too. She says she has 2 Grandchildren & 3 adopted ones. What an idiot!! DOn't even get me started on her!!! SHe says that when she even admits she has more than 2 Grandchildren (our 2 bio)!!!!!!!

Deb

[Shai's Mom]

I have a vanilla and a chocolate son. That raises eyebrows quite often. "Your older son looks just like you, but the little one doesn't..." When I don't want to educate, I usually say that he took after his grandfather. That usually results in "Oh, I see..!".

So annoying sometimes.

[TxMom65]

Yuck. No, it isn't about one parent being better than the other. It is about people who are igorant of social cues and can't carry on a conversation without being insulting.

I find it hard to be nice to people who are rude in the first place.

[gabyj]

I know this post has been a while but I wanted to put my two cents worth for a good reply
You could say with a big grin: "Well, amazing you say that because those sure are some REAL diapers I change, a REAL nose I clean, some REAL tears I wipe, some REAL puke I mop up, and such REAL love I feel" and let it sink in...

Gaby

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by DebCsMom

I've had that said to me a few times. Usually I just say, "Yes I am their REAL mom".

We have 2 bio & 3 adopted. I get asked things like, "What do your real children..." Again I just say, "They are ALL my REAL children".

Sometimes I get asked,"What does their real mother....." I say, "Well, their BIRTH Mother...."

This one I love, "Are they all related?" DUH, you idiot!!!! I just cringe on the inside & say, "They have been since birth" or "They are now"

Get this one, OHHHH you'll love it!!!

One woman said to me, "You need to take care of your OWN children first" referring to our bio children!!!!!!!!! OH YEA! That got me going! You should have heard the rest of the conversation!!!! It started out ugly before she made that comment & it was the first time I actually got really upset & raised my voice at a comment like that.

My Mother In Law is great, too. She says she has 2 Grandchildren & 3 adopted ones. What an idiot!! DOn't even get me started on her!!! SHe says that when she even admits she has more than 2 Grandchildren (our 2 bio)!!!!!!!

Deb

I have 6 grandchildren, I was the birth coach for the 3 girls. My grandsons live in CA I wasn't there when they were born. I was not there for my oldest grandson's birth either but I saw him soon after.

Now, the division. One of the girls is my bio grand, I am raising her. Two are stepgrands and we had custody of the youngest for 4 years. The oldest boy is the child of my youngest son's friend, she was raped. My son is gay, but he has been this boys father his whole life. They shared costody, though he is not the legal father, he is D's father. My two grandsons in CA are my birthson's boys.
They have two grandmothers, both of whom are very real.
My birthson and I were reunited when both boys were babies. My bson was 33 at reunion. We were all looking for each other, he was looking, his mom was looking and I was looking.

I don't understand idiots who say such things to adoptive moms, but then they say rude nasty things to birthmothers too.

You had a right to be angry and a right to express it.

Hugs

[joskids]

I just read a cute joke:

"Man gets on a plane with his 6 children, after getting everyone seated and calmed down, the woman in the aisle seat across from him says 'are these children all YOURS?". He says -- 'no, I work for a condom company and these are all customer complaints'.

Just thought I might have to use it some day!!!

[joskids]

DEB, I can only imagine the precarious relationship you have with your MIL. For goodness sakes!!!! I'd keep my kids far away from her!

People have asked me if my children are related. I don't get offended by that, though, I figure it's mostly ignorance. I just say "not biologically" but they are definitely brothers and sisters now.

I openly speak of adoption if I see that someone is genuinely interested in adopting themselves or asking questions for someone else. If I meet someone rude, well, let me just say you seriously don't want to mess with me!!