[Vogi2002]

tinkerbell- how horrible!! Although, I will say that I am the WORST when it comes to telling the sex of babies (of course i said BABIES) but even then I look to see immediately what they are wearing...and then I simply say "What a cute sweetie, or baby or w/e". I have always been bad about this....I don't know what my problem is!! But, seriously if they are toddlers and they are dressed girly/boy-ey then there is no excuse except pure ignorance.

Natalie

[bellazmama]

I was at a grocery store and saw a cute toddler (15-18 months old maybe) dressed in a plain white T-shirt, jeans, and white cap-toe Keds. Both ears were pierced with silver balls in for earrings. The toddler had a headfull of beautiful, loose curls. I said, "OH! What a gorgeous little girl!" To which the mother very angrily replied, "HE is a little BOY!" and walked off. I mean, if you're going to pierce both his ears, leave his hair longish, and dress him ambiguously, don't be so ugly when someone genuinely compliments you on how pretty your child is.

Sarah

[SHD]

I am new to this site and have enjoyed reading the responses. KAT, I loved your response. I too have had a few insensitive remarks. My dd is multiracial/cultural so people comment on her beauty all the time. She has long brown/black curly hair and big black eyes. Ironically I was in Target also when a woman asked about her ethnicity. She was very young at the time so I was very green about intrusive questions so I answered her, her response was, "Is the father still around?" I just stood there stunned and said yes. She even followed us when we left the area we were shopping. Another time we were in the grocery store when at the checkout the clerk asked about her ethnicity, I rattled everything off and her response was, "Is the dad from around here?" I just told her no, paid my bill and left her there with an open mouth.

There are days when you will feel like educating the world and then your patience is real thin on other days. I agree with the response of asking a person why they ask and that turns it around on them. This makes the person think about why they have asked and why they are asking it.

Then there are days when someone will restore your faith in human kind. My dd has a friend from her school and he is VERY cc, blond (almost white) hair, blue eyes, and FAIR complexion. We were at the grocery store in one of the car grocery carts when an elderly lady chatted with us about how handy the carts were. My dd loves talking to people so she told the lady her name and the lady smiled and asked what her brother's name was. I almost burst with pride that she thought we were family when nothing about our outward appearance would tell the casual observer that we were related.

Good luck in the future as I am going to keep checking back myself to hone my responses to silly questions.

Home study complete Feb. 2003
Matched Mar. 2003
Born Apr. 2003
Finalized Jan. 2004

[Shai's Mom]

DH and I have two little boys, one fair-skinned and blue eyed, the other one cafe-au-lait with black hair and eyes.

When I get a comment about the difference in their looks I usually answer:
"Yes, I Have one vanilla and one chocolate. Aren't they beautiful?"

Generally people then simply agree and keep going.

Where I live, luckily the questions aren't due to racism, just a genuine puzzlement how two brothers can look so different.

[MamaS]

My daughters were adopted from El Salvador. The oldest is very "Indian" in appearance with the beautiful cafe skin and long silky black hair. Her younger sister is Caucasian in appearance with curly black hair. When the girls were 4 and 6 we were at a schoolmate's birthday party and the children were playing some kind of game standing in a circle and throwing a ball. One of the children said "Throw it to the little black girl" (meaning my oldest daughter). Her little sister immediately yelled out - loud enough to stop the whole party - "She isn't black, she's brown and she's a BIG girl!" When the time comes, your child will know how to handle remarks.

[teranga]

Anyone ever get annoyed that people assume he ISN"T yours biologically? I"ve never had anyone look at me like I was cheating on my husband or somehting, like some of you have.

When we're all out together (2 bio kids, me, dh, all cc, along with our son, who is from Ethiopia) ok, I get that people will assume he's adopted. And I have no problem answering people's questions b/c most of the time they seem to be asking b/c someone they know is adopting or whatever...

BUT when it's just me out w/him and people ask questions about adoption, I get peeved. How do they know he isn't biological? Why do they assume he's adopted? I think man, if my husband were black, I'd be SO TICKED if people kept asking me about my adopted son!! He IS adopted and it still annoys me...like there is no way he could be bio!

[loveajax]

That's funny, Terenga. When I am out with DD (either alone or with DH), I have never had anyone ask if she were adopted. Sometimes, people make a big "stink" over her and will comment on her great tan (haha! like I leave a baby baking in the sun!), but for some reason no one has ever asked if she is adopted....

Then one day I was out with DD and this young cauc clerk said to me. "Is your baby mixed?" and I was like, "Ummm. Yes." She said, "Of what?" And I said, "Well, she's AA and cauc." The clerk said, "OH! AWESOME! My boyfriend is Dominican and I can't wait to have a mixed baby!" And I realized that it was pretty cool that she assumed that DD was my bio kid and that DD's dad was AA. (I have read a statistic that something like 20-25 percent of teenage - early 20s kids are involved in interracial dating relationships which is awesome).