[mquaide]

I'm just curious. Do adoption agencies/facilitators ask Caucasian couples WHY they particularly want to adopt AA or AA/CC bi-racial babies?

I'm asking because myself and my husband who are both Causcasian would love to adopt a full AA or AA/CC bi-racial newborn in the next year or 2 years. However, if an agency asked me why I don't think I would be able to answer them. What I mean is, we don't have a definitive reason for it other than its something we would really like to do and it just feels right for us. Do agencies look for specific reasons? Because I would hate to see things go against us if we said that we honestly had no SPECIFIC reason other than it was something that feels right for us, and would love the chance to welcome an AA or AA/CC infant into our home and to become part of our family.

[mckenna]

i was not asked that question directly. they more went over what being a multicultural family meant to me. i just stated that i wanted to be a mom and race did not matter to me, however that did not mean i would ignore race either. i make sure to read as much as i can about racing children of a different race than my own. and seek out individuals of other races as role models for my kids. good luck in your adoption journey

[curtandmargey]

Hi -

We were not asked that question directly either but were told that adopting transracially was frowned upon by many people and questioned as to whether we were ready for that. Our answer was that we were ready and excited to be parents and that race, while a factor in our relationship with our child and how we raised that child, would not be a factor in our adoption process. Honestly, any agency worth it will ask your motivations because what they are looking for are people who want to be parents and not people (and they are out there) who want to prove something or "save the world". You will hear, over and over, what a wonderful thing you are doing for the baby and what a wonderful "new" life you will be able to offer (intimated in this is the "because you are white" factor) - our response to that is always that we are ALL lucky because we have each other and that we are the luckier ones because we have our wonderful baby.

Be prepared for looks, stares and comments. But, also be aware that MOST people have evolved enough that the stares are minimal.

Good luck with your journey and feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Take care,
Margey
amom to Charlie 04/09/05
bonus mom to Parker 05/27/91

[joskimo]

we weren't asked that directly either, but more on how we would deal with it. And I have to 2nd Margey's post, I'm a pretty low key person and we get a lot of stares. I'm sure I'll get used to it but it can be a little unnerving, especially when I'm having a bad hair day!

[MMC66]

We came upon the decision sort of indirectly. Our original plan was to adopt internationally. During one of our initial meetings with the counselor she talked about "embracing" your child's culture and she said many a-parents choose a certain country because they have some familiarity or connectedness with the culture.

I, myself have always had AA freinds and the job I held for the longest was working exclusively in the AA population and I realized that that was the culture I identified the closest with and was the most familiar and comfortable with. DH is THE most zen, laid back, easy going person you could ever meet and just wanted to be a daddy and race truly was not a factor for him. He too had grown up with lots of AA friends and had a real comfort level there too. So it just made sense for us.

Good luck, I don't think anyone will ask you point blank why AA but they may ask if you are familiar with and prepared for the challenges that face transracial families. You'll do great!

Martha

[surfmama]

My dh wanted to adopt AA because more AA kids wait to be adopted, less CC aparents adopt those kids, and he had always "just wanted to". I had no preference on race at all. His thinking was, why wait to adopt CC kids, when so many AA kids need homes and we just want more kids in our home, doesn't matter what race.

I will say, some SWs personal opinions may get in the way...we said we were open to race and she wrote in our homestudy we would only accept biracial kids Luckily, I insisted on reading the study and got it corrected. She had never had any cases with AA kids before and we then adopted a sib group of 5 AA kiddos. Since then, we adopted 3 more times and specified that we wanted AA because that is what our family looks like now we, the parents, are the minority! Our 4 older bio kids are all out of the home.

[MMC66]

Surfmama,
I'm doing the math here, does that mean you are mommy to TWELVE?????? I promise I will never whine (at least not to you) about having 5 kids EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

If you could see me I'm bowing down on my knees to you - YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!

Martha

[surfmama]

Aw, come on, no bowing! I am just a mom. Yes, you did the math correctly. I love being a mom and when my bio kids starting moving out, dh and I decided that was the right time to start adopting. After all, we had empty bedrooms, LOL. Course, we have added on 3 more to the house since adopting!

So, we have 8 kids now, ages 6 mo. to 13. I wish we could adopt again, but WI limits you to 8 under age 18. Unless a sibling comes into the system (there is one) and we get asked to take her, we are probably done.

It helps that I am a SAHM too. I used to work (RN) but those easy days are long gone!

[mallory4]

surfmama, I too am bowing down before you!

Putting my 4 in perspective--though I might be able to get a little credit for 6 pets?

Way to go!

[jandn]

Wow, what do you drive? I can't imagine a trip to the grocery store... how many carts does it take to feed 10 people I think you need to start a new thread and share some tips with us.....after raising one family and starting another you have to have a wealth of knowledge up there that we can tap into.


I thought I was ready for another....but after being around a friends 3 yr old I thought I might want to wait until they're older before attempting a newborn with two tantruming toddlers.

[Casey677]

We were not asked directly either by our agency (I believe [and only because I studied their website like crazy] that we used the same agency as curtandmargey), however, our social worker who did our homestudy -not affiliated with agency- really quized us on it. And it was funny, I had the same answer as everyone else did... I just wanted to be a mom.

Sufermama- WOW!

Casey

[surfmama]

You know, we were grilled by our SW about how we planned to maintain their cultural identity...we live in a small rural area. That is a whole other thread.

We bought a 15 passenger van and I love it! NO more taking 2 vehicles everywhere. It is also less expensive to buy than a regular van, we found. At one point we had 3 in boosters and 3 in infant seats, so it worked out fine. Now, I have the two babies in the seat behind me and someone can sit between them...very handy when on a trip.

Ah, grocery shopping. ALWAYS alone, LOL! We live in the country and raise all our own meat (pork, lamb, and beef) and have 2 freezers and a large garden supplies a lot of veges. I do can and freeze, the kids and dh help with all of it. My kids LOVE to make apple juice every year, they think the fruit press is so neat to use. We have chickens for eggs.

[mquaide]

Thanks for the replies guys, I guess we'll have to just wait and see how much we get grilled. We do live in an extremely integrated town though so that will probably help. I mean we just want another child too(1st one is biological). And its not that we CAN'T conceive again its just something I never WANT to go through again.

[LisaCA]

hi,

just wanted to refer you to Pact's website, which has a ton of articles on adoption in genera, transracial adoption and race, identity, and so on.

http://pact.best.vwh.net/press/articles/index.shtml

good luck!

Lisa

[traceyk]

We were asked what drew us to adopt an AA baby.She then asked us how we were going to keep up with her race difference and how we were going to expose her to other AA children since we live in an town of 1200 that is all CC except for three people. For us adopting AA was a no brainer, we wanted another baby to love and raise and there were so many AA babies in need of homes upon birth. In fact our homestudy agency has asked me to go do some talks about AA adoption and how wonderful our experience has been.