[Venessia]

My son is almost 3 & 1/2, and is still having accidents. He has been excellent at going "pee-pee" in the potty, but not "poopy." I am kind of wondering if there is a problem. The pediatrician says there's nothing physically wrong, I just need to be patient.

He was born at 27 weeks (normal is 40), so at first he was a bit behind. Now, he has completely caught up, though. Also, if you adjust his "premie age," then he should still be potty-trained.

We live in the sub-tropics, so he drinks a lot! Yet, he always makes it in time for that. It's his bowel movements that are the problem. He goes through AT LEAST six pairs of underwear each day. If he has a small "smear" in them, he is changed into fresh ones. Then, when he does finally have a full bowel movement, it's almost always in his undies.

I have attempted giving him calmer, quieter activities when I think it might be getting closer to "that time," but it seems to make absolutely no difference. I have bought books for him in both English and Japanese (he's bi-lingual), and while he thinks they're fun, it doesn't seem to have the effect I was hoping for. I have focused on praising those (very) few successes, without over emphasizing the messes, but he just doesn't seem to get it.

He's been out of Pull-Up's for eight months now, but I have been seriously considering just putting them back on him. What am I doing wrong?

Any ideas at all would be so appreciated,
Venessia~

[MommyofEli]

Hey Girl!

I have not been through that yet...but one of my friends has with her little boy. I think this is kinda strange, but she said that it worked.
When her hubby or herself had to go "poopy" they sang a little song...poopy in the potty...poopy in the potty. and they would dance to the potty. Then "go" to the potty and then flush the poopy down and wave bye bye poopy! All the while their son is singing with them and waving bye to the poopy. And when he had to go they would do the same thing (Song and dance) They make it fun so he wanted to do it too.LOL

It is kinda cute and I am sure you would love to not have to wash soooo much underwear. I would try it.lol

[Venessia]

Okay Eli's Mommy, I have given it a try for the past two weeks, and while he seems to have fun with it, we have not cut down on his yucky undies. I am so frustrated, at my witt's end, I just really want him to succeed at this. He is 3 & 1/2 years old, and he's been #1 continent for so long now. I cannot understand what the problem is anymore.

I keep wondering if maybe there is some sort of medical reason here, but my pediatrician insists there isn't. So, okay, if there isn't, what am I doing wrong here?! I'm feeling pretty incompitent with this issue, and really need some help. If any of you have any more ideas, thoughts, or suggestions, please share them with me. Thanks for your efforts Eli's Mommy, I'll keep trying it, but so far just no luck.

Washing the gross underwear,
Venessia~

[MommyofEli]

I am soooo very sorry.
Does he have a fav. cartoon or action hero? Maybe buy him some underwear with it on there and talk about the "BIG BOY" underwear and how cool it is and how much daddy wants a pair and mommy too. Just make them out to be soooo great. And ask him if he wants to wear them if he says yes then tell him he can if he goes all day long no poopy in his underwear just in the potty. If he does this then her gets to put on the underwear after his bath and every body dance around with him in his underwear and maybe have some party stuff like noise makers. But he can only have his party underwear when he is a good boy with no poopy in his pants.
I don't now maybe that will help.....I'm grasping at straws...lol I would love to have a party in my underwear...lol JUST KIDDING

[mj77]

Your pediatrician is right. And I am not so sure they will get really concerned until he is closer to 5 years old. This is your son's project and not yours. And as much as you want him poopy trained now, you just need to relax and perhaps lay off a bit--as frustrating as it is . I know too watching other kids his age fully trained is frustrating but your son is more mormal than you think. However, if you are noticing other signs like he personally is very upset about what is going on (not because you are) then I would address this with his dr. Hang in there . My son just made the decision to be potty trained after going back and forth. I've been told that it is easier for most kids to potty train than poopy train. Again, relax, this is his project and he still has some time.

[nugget]

Ok Let me first say I am very out of place here since I do not have children. But when I saw this I called my mom and asked her because I remembered a story about my older brother.....
He wet the bed every night. Every night my mom got up and changed his sheets. Then one night she told him that he would need to change them himself. That was the last night he wet the bed. Now that might not be the way to solve it today ( he is 37 years old now) but maybe something like that.
Is your son changing his own underwear or are you doing it for him?
One other thing I have heard of doing is adding food color to the toilete water to make it more fun. And don't use the same color each time. A friend did this with her daughter and her daughter got excited every time she had to go because she wanted to announce what the new color was. Then she started faxing having to go but they didn't let on that they knew that and eventaully she was going in the potty with out food color!
And finally......sometimes children will simply improve their potty training once they are around other children their age and see that the other kids don't still wear daipers.
Boy I said a lot for not being in my place. I hope maybe I was helpful. If not well maybe I gave you a good laugh? :0)

[leenab]

When we potty trained O he had some issues with it. We found a great video that showed a little boy and talked about potty issues. The most helpful thing was that when there's a poop accident take the child and the poop to the potty, dump it in and let the child know that's where the poop goes. This really helped O. He was even poop potty trained before he was pee potty trained. But O still isn't pee trained at night yet. We're working on it, but it's tough.
Hang in there,
LeenaB

[mj77]

If he is not pee trained at night, his body just might not be fully ready. I was told our son would be ready for potty training when he started waking up dry (not counting that he has a lot of potty shortly after waking up). He showed training interest before then but wasn't fully trained until after he started having dry nights. We still put a pull-up on him at night just in case. I like the idea of him changing his own underwear. I would teach him how to remove the poop etc.. he is old enough to learn how to do this and it doesn't have to be a shameful thing at all. It might take him a couple times of accidents and he may realize it really isn't so fun.

[orphanagemom]

My son also had a hard time with "poops" when he was toilet training, and it went all the way to about age 5 or 6. We were told that since he was so small that his muscles there just weren't ready for it.
However, we finally found out that he had a very small hemerroid, and that it was less painful to poop while standing. Good luck!
Jen

[Venessia]

Holy cow! I cannot believe all the support you guys are offering! Thank you, I mean, really thank you so very much! And Nugget, I really appreciate you caring enough to go so far as to call your mom. That was so sweet.

Okay, Eli's Mommy, you and I definitely have common brain waves or something. Joey was really into Anpanman (Japanese character, and we live in Japan) six months ago. So, I bought him Anpanman undies, and told him about the very cool big-boy undies he got to wear. Before I put them on him, I asked him if he wanted them or a Pull-Up. Of course he said the underwear, so then I said, "Great! But remember, you cannot go poopy in Anpanman underwear." He assured me he wouldn't, and then invariably did. Now, he's into Power Rangers, and he has three pair of those underwear.

This is going to really sound terrible, I just know it, but lately, when he's pooped in his "big-boy" underwear, I tell him that he is going to wear a Pull-Up until he goes in the toilet. Sometimes he will go #2 in the toilet shortly after, and be changed back into underwear. Other times, he spends the remainder of the day in Pull-Ups. Honestly, I just feel terrible about putting them on him, but I don't know what else to do.

He goes to an all Japanese school, and every one of the rest of his class is completely out of diapers. Except for him. I try really hard not to compare, it's not fair to him to do that, but I do notice it. His sensae's are awesome with him about it, every time he has an accident. It's just me, I guess. Maybe I do need to lay off a bit. Especially lately, I seem to be making such a big deal out of it. It's so hard not to. I feel like I am failing him somehow.

It's a really big challenge to purchase books (in English) from here. If I know exactly what I am after, I can order them off the internet. But, if I haven't already seen the book, it's a craps shoot. So, LeenaB, if you could tell me the name of the video that helped your son, that would be just great.

I know MJ77 is most probably right, that my pediatrician is correct in there being nothing wrong with my baby, but still I worry. And Jen, my son also has his bowel movements (when in his underwear) when he's standing up, too. He crosses his ankles, and then I know it's happening. Usually, he goes behind one of the davenports or hides behind a door or something. He seems to really want the privacy.

I have never had him change his own underwear. It never occured to me. That's a really great idea. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like it. I just won't approach it as a punishment, but more of a responsibility. Like picking up after his toys, putting his dish in the sink after dinner, or turning off the light when he leaves the room, cleaning out his messy underwear will be his job, too. Hmmm, you guys might be on to something there. I will give that a try this week, and see how it goes.

Again, your thoughts were much appreciated. You have no idea just how much!

Venessia~

[Cheryl62]

My two youngest kids are half Japanese too, and though we live in Nepal, they still primarily eat a Japanese diet.

My youngest daughter was potty-trained quite early (her choice) - though with her too, the #2 stuff was harder - she just didn't like to sit on the potty as long as it took her to go. She also thought it was "gross" - the smell, and the clean up, and preferred to avoid it as long as possible. Then we had a problem when she suddenly regressed to partially going in her pants. It turned out the problem was partially her diet. Between all the rice, tofu, miso soup, etc., she was getting more constipated and so it took her longer to "go", and it was sometimes a little painful -- so she tried to wait. She also had more "gas" problems the longer she waited, and so she got used to the feeling of pushing to get rid of the gas - and sometimes made at least a small amount of #2 by mistake. (TMI, I know - sorry) I just wonder -- maybe the diet is something you want to think about if your son seems to have #2s that are too solid, or has too much "gas".

My youngest son was potty trained later (3+), and was fine -- until he started becoming a busy boy in school, and playing more independently. At about age 5, he suddenly started having #2 accidents again. Very weird. We tried everything (including not only making him change his clothes, but later in desperation, even having him rinse out his undies). Nothing really helped. We finally realized that he was just "holding it" too long - he had set bathroom times at school, and at home he was really active and busy, and didn't want to take the time to go #2 (#1 was faster! LOL!). We finally put him on more of a schedule - we realized after his after-school snack, he typically needed to go, and just asked him to go then - and to play afterwards. It helped he knew other people could "smell" him when he did, and he wanted to stop, so that worked for us, and now he's back to handling it on his own fine. He had just gotten into a bad habit.

Your son's issues may be different - but I just wanted to send along our situation, and my sympathy! I know how frustrating it is....

Cheryl

[mj77]

Good luck with it all Vanessia! I agree him cleaning his own underwear should not be a punishment but if he were to spill something on the floor, you would probably expect him to wipe it up or start teaching him to anyway. And hey, if offering him a pull-up or underwear with the expectation that underwear needs to stay poopy free causes him to make a good choice, then great! Every child is so different and you need to do what works for your kiddo. Take care.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

On the Poopy Song front... There is a video called "It's potty Time" and on it is a song that helps kids with this.... it is called "Super Duper Pooper".

Hey Kids really learn from this stuff......!!!! They even have a bear that sings it!!!

Lyrics to "I'm a Super Duper Pooper"



I’m a Super Duper Pooper,
I can potty with the best.
No more diapers to get in my way,
I bet you are impressed!

I’m a Super Duper Pooper,
I know when I have to go.
Take a bow, I’m a big kid now,
I’m the best pooper you know!

[Cheryl62]

RFLMAO!!!!!! You know SOOO many interesting things!!! I can even imagine the melody -- sheesh, I'll probably have that refrain going through my head all night!!!!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Man I just searched around for it so you guys could hear....but I cant find it...