[super seven]

we are adopting a sib group, 7month old and 3yr. all of our birth kids are in school, one thing i promised myself in deciding to take these children was that I would finally after 16 years of being an at home mom, use a bit of daycare and volunteer in my younger two girl's schools. this was to help alleviate feeling isolated and stagnant and also to reassure the girls( 6 and 8,) that they are still important to me even though I will be getting two "new" babies. I have never really liked the idea of daycare because, lets face it, providers do not love your children as much as we'd like to believe, it is a business. I am looking for someone who has adopted a 3 year old, no trauma or dev. delays with my child. am I making a mistake, we are looking at one four hour day to start. The child (3yr. old,) will be transitioning into our home over the next month, the infant has been here since hospital. thanks!

[lucyjoy]

Since the 3 year old is just now moving in, I wouldn't recommend any daycare for at least six months. She needs the time to bond with you. In the long run, this will prove to be more beneficail to your whole family then trying to do the school thing.

[denise marie]

I am in process of adopting a 3 year old internationally.I am a current housewife and was planning on going back to work soon.We decided its best for our babies sake if i stay home and let him bond with us and get used to adjustments and family.I think it best to stay with the child.Its a big step for a 3 year old and the child will need you.
denise mom of 5

[lambeausam]

I have adopted two boys, each age three at adoption. My first one experienced delays in several categories. My youngest had speech delays and minor fine motor delays.

Since I am a single parent, I did not have the opportunity to give my boys a long transition period prior to beginning daycare. Thankfully, they both transitioned quite easily. However, that being said, if I had the opportunity to provide the child with a longer period of time between joining the family and beginning daycare, then I would take advantage of it.

I think your best bet is to take cues from the child. If he is not forming bonds/attachments to you, delay introducing another caregiver. Likewise, if he is constantly attached to you (I fondly refer to it as the "Velcro Stage"), then he may not be ready to spend time separated with you. Bottom line...do what feels best for you and the child.

[super seven]

Thanks for all who took time to reply, I welcome even more opinions. as I stated, I am generally uncomfortable with the whole concept of day care but I am struggling with many issues here, none of them simple. At this point I am leaning toward using day care (remember we are talking one morning per week) to help my kindergartener not feel left out or forgotten. at home she gets very little time with me, and has been very good about that but it makes me sad. I guess I'll speak to the sw and then take my cues from my son. His foster mom does in home day care so he is familiar with the concept of children comming and going, etc. Thanks again!

[Momto2]

super seven -

My husband and I adopted a 3 year old little boy. I stayed home with him for three months before placing him in daycare. He did wonderfully. I'm sure it depends on the child, but for him it helped with his learning English, he enjoyed being around other children and he still understood that I was the mom.

Good luck to you!

[robleto]

We adopted a 3 year old in September (she has since turned 4). We did have a year of visitations to bond with her due to our unusual circumstances, however, she started preschool the week we "officially" got her. She has done wonderfully with it, I think in part b/c she had similar experiences in her former home. If your child is already familiar with day care (previous foster mom), then he should do fine with that. However, keep in mind that being only one day could actually make it harder since he won't be in a routine. I think it's wonderful that you are remembering the needs of your older children. Best wishes for making the best decision for your family!!! Sherry

Are there other options for the three year old beside daycare? Is there a grandma, grandpa, aunt or uncle who would welcome a few hours of 1:1 time with the little one during the week?

The school I work at offers onsite daycare, many parent volunteers drop off their child at the onsite daycare while they are in the classroom.

Other ideas, could you have dinner dates with your daughter? Leave the other children with dad and pack a picnic lunch for two to eat at the park?

I hope you find a workable solution!