[cdr25]

my 4yr old son wants NOTHING to do with the potty,bathroom, underwear etc. dont know what to do. i think its phycological. still, dont know what to do or where to turn. any sugesstions.

First question - does your child have any delays?
Exposure to alcohol?
Trouble with cause and effect?
Prior sexual abuse?
All these things can contribute to late toilet training.
If not, it may be time to either try it and see what happens, or to ask your doctor.

Hi, my name is Ivy and I have worked in childcare for many years, I am also the mother of an eleven-year-old son. I am not a child development expert, although I have a lot of experience and some formal training in the field. First, four years old is late but not THAT late. It wouldn't hurt to consult a doctor but it doesn't necessarily indicate that anything is catastrophically wrong, so don't panic. Second, I recently attended a seminar on the subject in which they told us that the whole "training" mentality is flawed (as it suggests rewards for good performance, etc...) and that we should think of it as teaching instead, helping the child achieve independence when it comes to personal toileting. A few do's and don'ts: Don't force your child to sit on the toilet. Don't bribe, reward, coerce, or punish. Do allow your child to watch you (and anyone else who feels comfortable with it) using the toilet. Do allow your child to "experiment" with the toilet, ie flushing, wadding up toilet paper, open and close the lid, raise the seat, etc. In this way he can familiarize himself with the mechanics of it and overcome some of his fear. If I were you (if this is at all practical in your daily routine; perhaps you could try it just on the weekends) I would dispense with diapers and pullups entirely and put him in underwear. This way, he will be aware when he wets. Each time he wets his clothes, have him assist you in changing them, so as to foster independence. The changing should take place in the bathroom, in close proximity to the toilet, so that hopefully he will begin to connect the two things in his mind. Don't scold him for accidents. Just assist him in cleaning and changing himself. If you make him partly responsible for the cleanup, he will soon get the message that wetting his clothes is a major hassle, even without being told. Last, here's a trick I used to toilet-teach my son (I didn't learn this one in class!): Allow your son to drop some cheerios in the toilet bowl and then "aim" for them when he pees. Make it fun, like it's some great new game you just thought up, not part of toilet-teaching at all. If none of this works and you are still concerned, please don't hesitate to have your child evaluated by a physician. Best of luck to you both! Sincerely, Ivy