[cdr25]

Hey! I haven't posted here in ages, but I need help! First, my 4 yo ds must say "I want such and such" 20 times a day. It is driving me and dh crazy! Both of us are at our wits end. It happens everywhere we go. He sees commercials on TV and wants whatever they're advertising. We get catalogs in the mail, and he goes through them pointing out everything he wants. We are both very angry about this. What can we do?
Secondly, my dd is 2-1/4. She may be getting into the terrible twos. She doesn't listen to either me or dh when we're out in public. She runs through the grocery store or wherever we are. It is very embarassing. She is totally out of control. She pitches fits if we try to pick her up and carry her away or put her in a stroller, etc. She laughs when we try to get her to listen to us; she seems to think it's a game. Outings are now a dreaded event. How do you talk to a 2 year old? My ds wasn't like this, so I'm at a loss.

Thanks in advance for your help!

[lucyjoy]

Turn off the t.v., then there aren't ads. Tell your son he has everything he needs but he's welcome to want what he wants.
It's dangerous for your daughter to run loose in public. Even if it makes her unhappy, carry her or put her in the cart. If my kids don't behave in public, I immediately take them home for a nap or get a sitter. This may sound harsh but my chldren know that their job in public is to keep track of me, not the other way around. It's important for kids to know the parents are in charge.
After a few times, even the youngest kids catch on. If they want to go out and have fun, they have to behave respectfully, and they do.

[leeniepooh]

I've been able to successfully turn aside these "gim-me's" by smiling and saying "Great, put that on your (birthday or Christmas - whichever is closer) list." For some reason that works and that's the end of that - until the next thing he sees that he wants!

[Sharon]

That's a good answer (about the birthday/christmas list). One thing I used to do with my son when he was little was go through toy catalogues and advertising circulars with him. Everything he said he wanted, I'd cut out the picture. Once we had a bunch of pictures cut out, I'd let him glue them onto a sheet of paper like a collage. We called these his "wish lists". Of course, I couldn't afford to buy him most of the stuff, but it didn't matter, he still had fun with the art project. It's hard for little kids to understand about delayed gratification, or the fact that they can't always have what they want. I don't think there's any way to teach them, really. As they get older, they figure it out on their own. Good luck, _Shar

[trunks888]

I think Sharon Murphy
has the right idea.

What my mom did with me as a child
was give me a mark and I would circule what I wanted in it
and then would talk about it maby I would get it for Christmas or my brithday witch ever was closer.

So may wana try somthing like that.


And about your daughter
running away from you in public.
I do think your gonna have to keep her in a cart or stroller
as well. Maby After a while of doing that
tell her if she does what mommy and daddy say the she can be a big girl and not be put in one.

And see how that goes.
If it fails put her in the cart or stroller again and then after a while try the same thing and see if ti works.

Thats all I can see.
but i'm not a expert but I know it's not safe
having a child do stuff like that.

thanks
take care

[Judilyn]

I've been trying to post here for 2 days but I coud not do so, but did not discover so until after I wrote a long reply but could not get it to submit. (grumble grumble grumble!!!!!!!!)

So here goes another try;

My 8 year old does the same thing that your 4 year old is doing. Wants everything that she sees advertised. Drives us crazy!!!!!

Recently we started gving her a small allowence. She has to put her tithing to God first at church, then put the rest in her piggy bank to save for all of those items that she is wishing for. It did not take to long for her to relaize that it takes time to save up enough money to buy those items and the asking has decreased. She gets a lot of satisfaction from being able to finally purchase something that she wants.

I do not know how well this would work with a 4 year old. It would depend on your child. The key is to not give in and buy her something that she really, really wants but does not have enough money for, no matter how sad or upset she is. The other suggestions that others have offered are great too. I have used the wish list idea before with my children and it worked well also.

Next with your 2 year old, your story made me chuckle. 2's can be a challenge and a delight all at the same time. I am a director of a large day care center and we have 2, 2-year-old classrooms. Imagine 16 two's all acting the way your child is!!!!!!!

Anyway here is what I suggest. Since 2's are at an age when they are really trying to assert thier independence it is important to offer opportunity for simple choices when ever it is possible to do so. A choice beteen 2 outfits, 2 breakfast cereals, 2 story books, etc. Kids love to be able to choose.

Next, it is important not to offer a choice if there is not one to give. Saying things like " do you wan to get in the cart?" when there really is not a choice will invite a power struggle. 2's and 3's love power struggles! Just say matter of factly what it is you want her to do and then if she does not choose to listen follow through by helping her do it. Consistency is the key. Kids have to know that you mean what you say and say what you mean.

When my son was 2 1/2 we had a terrible time with his behavior. It sounds like you are going through pretty much the same thing. Only my son was very agressive. I do not know if your child is aggressive. I found a lot of help from the book 1-2 -3 Magic. My husband and I both read it and did what it suggested and my son responded well to the program. If you are not familiar with it PM me and I will give the inf. to you.

God Bless
Judilyn

PS Thoguht you'd enjoy this

The Toddlers Creed

If I want it, it's mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later it's mine.
If I can take it away from you it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago it's mine.
If it's mine it will never belong to anyone else no matter what.
If we are building something together all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

[khnath]

We too have found great success with the 1-2-3 Magic. We also tell our son if he wants something to put it on his list; he now says: I want this for my birthday and I want to buy it today." I explain that I can understand his wanting to do that but that's not how it works. Then I count if necessary (for him to put the item back) I rarely make it past #2, but he almost always makes me get to #2.

Good Luck.