[Tami35]

Hello,

My sister-in-law has a 3 yo and is thinking about preschool for her. She can't seem to make up her mind because she feels that since she is a stay-at-home mom she should keep her home as long as she can, while on the other hand she thinks that the socialization would do her good! I think she should send her and when I try to tell her this her reply sometimes is: If she gets hurt there I will never forgive myself because she doesn't HAVE to go! I think this is what is really bothering her the most "that she doesn't HAVE to send her!" Does anyone have any advice I could pass on to her from your experience. Was preschool a good experience for you child or did you not send them at all?

Thanks,

Tami

[janeliz]

Lots of things to consider here. Is this child adopted, by the way? In the book, THE PRIMAL WOUND, the author, knowing it will be unpopular, still says that any child up to 3 is not prepared to leave mom for extended periods of time. Moreso for the adopted child.

I would make a list of pros and cons, weighing them according to the case. Include tendency towards sickness, if there are medical/allergy reasons to keep the child in a home environment, how much the mother needs some "time off," if the child would benefit from another "teacher" (does the child accept learning from mom or is it confrontative?), how much does mom provide other experiences for the child (library storytime, play groups, outdoor activities, playing with cousins, etc.), is paying for preschool a financial burden.

Once the list is made it is usually more clear. Good luck!

[KAT63]

Hi--While I am not yet at that stage with my girl, I have been "interviewing" a number of mothers on both sides of the issue. One interesting point of view comes from a group of home schooling mothers of large (6-7children) families. They emphasize the sickness issue as being a big negative for preschool--with large families it is a major concern. Also, they state the family connection vs peer connection argument--the bonding with the family at a young age is of primary importance--peer and social interaction will be smoother if the child is secure in his/her home environmnet with a strong sense of the family value system before they are challenged to be solitary individuals. They state that outside social interaction and pressure is easier for the child to deal with if they have had a lot of family interaction at home. Interesting i thought.

[Stormy]

When it is time for the child to go to school they will both know. there comes a point where you realize that the child needs that outlet and the parent wants to give it to the child. Some children are ready at 3, some not until 5. As long as they have a good nurturing relationship there is no reason to rush off to pre-school if they aren't sure it is the right time.

[Bcelli]

A fascinating sidebar with my son is that he almost never gets sick and has yet, having been in daycare/preschool for 4 years (since he was 6 months old) to get ill with anything that is going around school. I attribute that directly to the fact that he's an international adoptee and was exposed to a variety of bacteria etc. that American-born children are not and has built up significant antibodies to fight off minor illnesses etc.

As an only child - at least for the moment - preschool has given him the opportunity to learn specific socialization skills, sharing, waiting, not saying the first thing that comes to his mind because it might hurt someone's feelings, etc.

I might suggest, however, that since your sister CAN stay home with her child that she might consider part-time preschool. A couple of days a week would give the child an opportunity to learn socialization and still give mom the bulk of nuturing time. But, as stated before, if the child is prone to illness and allergy, it's a toss up. Good Luck!

[Tami35]

Thanks for all your opinions, I will definately share them with my sister-in-law and keep them handy for myself when the time comes for my son!

Tami

[dmanion]

I believe it is very important for a child to go to pre-school or a day care setting. One of the most important things for a child to learn is socialization. Yes, he/she will get sick, but, as my doctor told me, this will help them build an immunity, it's bound to happen sooner or later. My daughter is 4 and in pre-school, she was at a day care prior to that. She was adopted from Korea, the first year there was a lot of colds, but now she rarely gets sick from the other kids. She is very outgoing and confident, shares well with other kids and loving. I strongly urge it! At least part-time.

[debsdone]

Hi Tami. There are a few options here. Every child is different. I agree the "sickness" thing is a pain. But any interaction with groups of kids will have that. I did a few pre school situations where I attended with my child. A mommy and me thing. The kids did their thing, and the mom's helped around the room. We didn't actually interact with the kids, but we were there if they needed us. That is a really good way to start, imo. I also started a couple of mine at 2 days a week for 3 hours. that is pretty harmless. I believe it really helped the ones that needed it. One of mime never did pre school. He just wasn't ready and wasn't interested. When my 5th started 2 mornings a week, it was the first time in 15 years that I had 2 free mornings. Did a world of good for me, so that means it was good for ALL the kids! Another great option is a mom's club. I have seen several that are wonderful. They offer play groups several times a week, and mom stays there. If a child seems to only stay with mom, then stop and start again in a while. Kids will let you know. I do think it is a good idea to do SOMETHING before they actually start school. But there are many ways. Good luck Love, Debi