[aartcreations]

My ds will say "hit, head butt, and kick" if he doesn't get his way, or if he doesn't want to do something. Sometimes he will actually try to do these things if he is mad enough but most of the time he just says them. He will even say them when he is playing just to see if I'm listening. If I confront him about it, he will say he said something else. I'm sort of confused on how to stop the behavior. I have tried time outs, but sometimes I think I should just ignore the behavior. Very hard to ignore the behavior when he says these things when we are going into someones house for play group. He is slow to warm up to new places, people, kids in a group setting. I think he says these things because he wants to leave. He needs to socailize so I don't want to take him home over it. So how do I discipline him for saying these things, or do I just ignore it at all costs? I feel like other Moms wonder why I don't discpline him for saying these things or wonder why he is sooo cranky and anti-social at times. I should add that he is not always this way and is very loveable to me, dh, and famliy. He is driving me crazy with this though. Any suggestions?

[aartcreations]

I guess I'll ignore it!

[redbonec]

Sometimes I too get confused if I should address a behavior or ignore it.
That's hard. Sometimes if I've told our daughter to not do or say something but she continues, I will bring her to a stuffed animal or doll and tell her that if she needs to continue to say that to tell the stuffed animal. Then I leave her to do that. I did that when she was going through a disrespectful "NO" phase with me.
Sometimes it takes me a lot of trying different things to figure something out.

What if you try to take him to play for just very short periods of time?

[aartcreations]

Thanks for responding. It is very hard to decide what to ignore and what not to. I have been trying to ignore when I can. It does seem to not add fuel to the fire. I have also found that threating to take away a favorite book/toy works well. These phases are tough As soon as we are out of one we are in another! Thanks for letting me vent.

[JPDakota]

I'm curious about where he got the behavior in the first place. A 2-year-old doesn't just come up with a phrase like that. It is my thought that until you remove the source of the problem it'll be tough to erradicate it. A few weeks ago our DD, who is three, came up with this thing that was frustrating us. When she was unhappy with us, usually over consequences, she would sort of shout, "I am MAD at you!" Turns out it was the little boy, a 5-year-old, that lives in the apartment above us. We worked with his Mother and got the thing stopped in both households.
Good luck.

[jalapeno]

Originally Posted by JPDakota

I'm curious about where he got the behavior in the first place. A 2-year-old doesn't just come up with a phrase like that. It is my thought that until you remove the source of the problem it'll be tough to erradicate it.

Seriously??? Maybe I'm just reading this wrong because my DD hasn't been terribly difficult in this area up to now. She'll say things that aren't appropriate but I can usually manage to curb the behavior by talking to her or with the usual consequenses. But honestly, she picks up stuff from other kids that walk by us in the grocery store. From kids at church. From kids at the park. She picks stuff up from adults that aren't watching what they say. And she just soaks up everything like a sponge. She truly only needs to hear something ONE time. There's no telling what she'll decide is really funny to repeat . . . over and over and over. I can't really see how it would be feasible to erradicate all sources of "inappropriate talk". Isn't it the effect that the words create what the kids are really after? So it seems to me just getting them to stop saying one particular phrase wouldn't really solve the bigger issue of their need to shock/annoy/control and whatever is causing that. Just my very humble opinion . . .

[JPDakota]

Well, with our little one, she'll hear and repeat stuff all the time, just like any other kid. We ask her to stop saying it, and occasionally apply consequences, and she stops. The exception is when she keeps hearing it. Then she starts saying it all over again. When the negative behavior is repeatedly reinforced externally it is, in my experience, much more difficult to curb.

[jalapeno]

Gotcha JP - I see what you're saying. Makes sense.

[JPDakota]

I think you have a good point, too, though. If the child is getting the reaction they want from a behavior, then they'll continue with it. Hmmmm...........

[aartcreations]

He gets these words from me saying to him, "please don't hit me, please don't head butt me......" So it's kind of difficult to not use those words when I am asking him to stop... Unfortunately, when I ask him to stop saying it, he does not. Time out helps and he does say sorry when he cools down, but it just happens again the next time and the next time.... Very fustrating for me. As I said, I ignore it when it seems appropriate but at times the behavior needs to be dealt with based on the situation. Any other suggestions? Lucky for me he is a sweet as he is difficult. I would just love to know how to get him to stop this behavior.