[Gs_Mom]

Somewhat related to the other thread .... we struggle to get our 2 1/2 to stay in bed at bed time. Once he is asleep he stays there.

He gets up several times, so bedtime turns into an hour or more. Last night his last trip was at 9:00!!! and we started at 7:30!

We have tried ....
quietly walking him back
taking away books that we leave him
yelling (i know ... i know ... i was at my wits end)
and shutting the door.

Walking him back doesn't work well -- it's a game and it turns into a "reward" b/c we come to his room.

Taking away books worked originally, but no longer.

The yelling works. But obviously I don't want to do that.

He hates when we shut the door. So, he jumps up and stands at the door crying, with me on the other side holding it shut and telling him to get back in bed. He gets in bed, I open the door and say I will leave it open if he stays in bed. It takes 2 or 3 times of this to get him to stay. And I don't like the punishment feel of it.

Any ideas??????

[Lumpkin]

No answers here, but I'm listening intently for "the answer". I want so badly to avoid hurting the feelings and/or damaging the attachment of our 2 1/2 yo daughter that I snuggle with her and/or hold her hand until she's completely asleep - and yep, sometimes that's a job that takes over an hour. I love the time with her, but it seriously affects my ability to help around the house getting things picked up for the next morning/etc. And I can't be doing this when she's 25, so we've gotta get past this ourselves

[bprice215]

Hey I feel for both you guys and I wish I had an answer for you. My dd has no problem falling asleep so I'm no help at all. I just wanted to let you guys know I feel for you. Take care and best of luck to you too.
bprice215

[jalapeno]

Yeah, I feel for you guys too. We had to move our daughter to a toddler bed at about 21 months old because we needed the crib. She LOVED her bed but it was such a novelty to be able to get up that she wouldn't stay in it long enough to sleep. It took two long and difficult weeks to sort it out and I was nearly ready to buy another crib and go back to that. She would stay in her bed if I lay down with her but wouldn't fall asleep. Same if I sat on the floor or in a chair in her room. We tried having her sleep in our bed actually but she kicks and doesn't actually sleep well that way. What we finally ended up doing was to play an "ocean sounds" cd and leave the room. But we would leave the door cracked and peek in at her. EVERY TIME she got out of bed, we would immediately go in and put her back - not saying anything or looking at her. She definitely treated it as a game for a while. She'd put one foot on the floor, then two, then carefully lift her butt off the bed. She'd stand up in her bed and jump and pound on the walls and yell. She'd throw things. (Sounds terrible but really she was fine - we've had her since birth and I definitely know how her tantrums go). So DH and I had to define for ourselves precisely at what point she was considered "out of bed" and she TESTED TESTED TESTED that boundary. And it was critical to not get upset and not give her eye contact so as to "reward" her as little as possible with our presence. There was one night when she literally didn't fall asleep until 4am. But then it worked!!! And things got better pretty quickly after that! That was 6 months ago and she's absolutely wonderful at going to bed now. I tuck her in, sing her a song, start her nature sounds cd, and leave the room. I close the door and don't look back. She doesn't cry. She doesn't get out of bed. Sometimes she talks or sings for a while and then . . . silence.

I wish you the best in sorting it out. I am definitely going to keep my boys' in cribs as long as they'll stay there!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Again, try the clock. When Nick gets in bed at night now, he says, "I wait a seven-zero-zero." Since he doesn't go to bed until around 7:30, it's a long time to wait for that to come around and he falls asleep.

Make a big POSITIVE deal out of staying in bed, not yelling. I know. It's hard. I've yelled. I'll probably yell again. But the yelling will associate negative feelings with bedtime and staying in bed and then he really won't want to do it. Nick moved into his bed at about 20 months and for the second and third month of that transition, we just had to take him back to bed, without words, time and time again. He eventually just started staying there. The whole without words helped keep us calm which in turn kept him calm.

And honestly? Leave some toys in his bed that are just for bed. Explain that he can't take them out of bed. At this point, who cares if he plays for a little bit as long as he stays in bed? Nick now no longer does this but for a long time, we had to make sure all of his cars were in bed with him.

Our current battle with our two and a half year old is that he KNOWS if he says he has to pee or poop, we'll let him out of bed. Oh, manipulation starts early!

[loveajax]

You know I feel your pain!!!! Sometimes it's an hour or more (it reminds me of the Supernanny show...I used to watch and it "laugh" at the parents now...you know what they say about payback). I still haven't figured it out yet at all.

[Betelnut]

I put my 27 month old to bed around 7:45 and leave the room, latching the door. I can hear her moving around her room and playing. Sometimes she really makes a mess--her dirty clothes strewn all over, all the books pulled from the shelf, all the toys out of the toy box! She also LOVES to take off her pull-up or diaper. "So funny!"--not! She will fall asleep anywhere in the room--rarely her bed!

I check on her about twice to make sure she is still breathing, but I've found that even that delays her going to sleep. Going in the room actually wakes her more up and disrupts her. If she is really, really upset and crying, I will go in and comfort her, but she's used to the setup now and doesn't do this too much (except for a minute or two when I say, "Time for night night.")

The long summer hours/light keep her up later--it seems like she falls asleep around 8:45 or 9:00 but if it is overcast or stormy outside she falls asleep earlier. I'm considering getting better drapes or some sort of darkening material for the windows!

Ideas:

Don't keep going in the room;
Don't sweat it if your kid moves around the room and plays;
Don't sweat it if your kid falls asleep on the carpet (my daughter does this 4 out of 5 times);
Don't talk to him/her if you do go in the room--just quietly put him/her back into bed;
The less interaction the better--a matter of fact attitude is best;
Make the room really dark (unless that scares him/her);
Routine, of course, is vital (I'm sure you are doing this);
Use a gate or latch the door so he/she can't get out;
Explain the whys but remember--we rule! We are the parents!


Good luck!

[lmvsmom]

Good ideas, but what if it involves cries of "I'm scared! I'm scared!" We use a night light, keep the door open, turn on music, give him a book, etc. We've tried to figure out what is scaring him, to no avail.

[marthavmommy]

Jamie just turned three. We kept her in the crib until just a few months ago, but she didn't figure out how to open the door until recently. She used to go to bed so well! Every night at 7pm when she was an infant (from 6 months old and on!) and then we changed the bedtime to 8pm about a year ago.

Now every night she comes out and says she has to go potty. For a while she would sneak out and sit at the top of the stairs and now DH stays up there watching the door and fighting the battle every night. I told him tonight I wasn't comfortable with the yelling he was doing and the crying and screaming. That I need to tagteam and do it too, and we need to think about not yelling.

Reading your posts confirmed my intuition...Thanks everyone! We will try tomorrow night, hopefully we can get back to a peaceful bedtime.

But what about that manipulative move of saying they have to potty!?

[marthavmommy]

Well we got past the bedtime struggle. We just kept putting her back - Mike graded papers up in the hall for a week or so and kept close watch.

I just wanted to express my thanks - it worked!

Now we are in the struggle of her getting into things...

[tanmansmom]

I realize that this is an old thread, but I just wanted to share what we do with TJ. For Christmas, he got a moon that lights up. We put it on the wall so that he can see it from his bed. Now when it's bedtime, we simply say we are going to turn on the moon. He gets into bed, we read a book, say our prayers and then turn on the light. It goes through the phases of the moon for about 30 minutes. After three months of nightly use, the batteries are still good. He almost always falls asleep before the moon goes dark. If he wakes up and can't go back to sleep on his own, we turn the moon on, and it usually works. We got it at Target. Best thing EVER!!!!