[dac_cincy]

I am first time mom, and my son is 2.5 years old. We have been a family for just over 9 months and have come along way in that time.

But recently my son started doing some behaviors that I am struggling with. I believe that they are typical toddler behaviors, so I am really looking for someone to say, YES they are and they will pass eventually (although I prefer they go away soon).

1. everything has be come a struggle. I give him choices on what to eat, drink, wear, etc (all using the love and logic technique) and whatever he chooses, when I give it to him- he wants the other one. Every single time.

2. He has taken to stomping his feet - a mini tantrum- everytime he does not get something- which just makes him madder and makes me more determined that he made a choice and he will accept the choice he made. I seldom, if ever give into this behavior.

3. He out and out does exactly what he was told not to do- like throwing bath water all over me during bath time- (that earned him an early bedtime)

he understands that he is being defiant and that he is being bad- he will actually ask me if I am mad. then he says he is sorry.

I really think this is all typical toddler behavior and he is just testing the limits- but I seriously wonder some days. And, I am drained by the time he goes to bed.

Any thoughts or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Love to you,

[linda512]

It sounds totally normal to me. I don't have any advice, but my son does some of the same things. Not so much, but enough to be annoying. I think a lot of time they are just testing to see if they will get the same reaction each time (like with the bathwater). The choices stuff is hard. It makes me crazy when my son does that and I am not sure how to handle it.
Anyway, I don't think it is adoption or attachment related, for what it's worth.

[mrsdatabits]

I'm thinking its pretty normal. My DD is going to be turning 2 shortly and is doing pretty much all those things! I've just attributed it to 'terrible twos' and I'm hoping she leaves that stage behind very quickly!!!

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Sounds right to me! However, you said you "seldom give in to this behavior".

NEVER give in or it sends the signal that sometimes the tantrun works and they never know which time it will and which time it won't so they will try it everytime just to see.

Kim

[HBV]

I think it's pretty normal. H was starting to throw fits and test limits too---and it was such a drastic switch from his personality that I was shocked.

I have also started using the Love & Logic approach and I have noticed an improvement already. The choices make all the difference for him---it's drastically reduced the number of fits. I was actually going to post about that book today. Maybe I will start a new thread.

I"m just curious--- I wonder what would happen if you gave him the thing he DIDN'T choose? Would he still want the other one?

[loveajax]

yes, he's totally testing limits and striving toward independence.....I find things seem to go in like a couple of months spurts. DD was great for a while and then the last couple of months (she will be 3 in May), she is TOTALLY defiant, testing our limits, yada yada. I am really bad at disciplining her, but have been trying more! I'd like to see that thread, HBV!

[ocracoke]

Oh yeah!! You have a 2 year old. I so couldn't wait to end the 2 year olds. Now that I am in the 3 years old I see that the 2s were easier. You need to be consistent all the time. And you need to follow through. And you need to know this will end someday. I recently read a book called Positive Discipline and I have to say that once I started using some of their theories my daughter's bahviors really improved. Although it is hard for me to stick with it all the time.

Best of luck,
Samantha

[FullQuiverMamma]

All four of my bio kids went through that. I remember offering orange juice, my daughter would dump it out and say she wanted milk, and then later ask for orange juice. ARRRRGHHH! I believe they are just starting to see their own autonomy at that stage and they like watching their newfound power. Nevertheless, we were firm and consistent with our discipline and ten years later - we see that it was worth it. Parenting isn't lazy and sometimes discipline is downright exhausting, but for us the rewards were immeasurable.

[McNally720]

Sounds about right to me! We seem to go through spurts--a few days full of tantrums, time outs/consequences, and exhaustions....and then we have a good week or two, and then she feels the need to test it all again!

Insane, but true. And totally 2.5. This morning she stomped just one foot--totally sassy, yet completely HILARIOUS. I try to find the humor (not letting her see that I see it, of course), and keep telling myself, "this too shall pass".

[snaps]

Oh yeah, we are going through a lot of this as well. DD is very strong willed and hates it when we discipline her or take her away from any activity that she does not want to stop. She has tantrums where she almost runs in place (Flash Dance tantrums). She also tells us things like, "You no tell me NO!" and "You no tell me to STOP" and "You no be mad at me." Some days we have struggles about almost everything. Those days wear me out. We also go through the thing of her asking for one thing and then you get it and then she refuses and asks for something else. I wish I had great answers, but I don't. I just try to be consistent, try not to laugh (sometimes she is so smart and comes up with really witty responses), and try to be loving. It's good to hear that others are in the same boat.

[HBV]

H is cracking me up lately----he talks to himself (or to others) about rules. Yesterday I took him to an office supply store w/ me for a minute and bought him some markers while we were there. He told the cashier "MOMMY SAY COLOR ONLY ON PAPER. NOT ON TABLE."

Monday my mom watched him and he told her "Mommy say no climbing" as he was climbing the spiral staircase on the patio.

This morning he's looking at a pop up book that he was a little rough with, so it's missing some pop ups and says to himself "Mommy say not tear it."

Some days I just have to laugh.

[marthavmommy]

Sounds alot like my 27 month old daughter...so exhausting some days and then others she is simply delightful. I have noticed that its best that she never gets to Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired....HALT!! She needs more attn, and food more often and more company and more sleep than me...and it is best I dont forget it.

I try not to react to the NO MOMMY! 's

[jalapeno]

Sounds like my daughter too - she'll be two in a couple of weeks. She'll change her mind back and forth 10 times in a row. I think it's all just about learning that she has some control over things and she honestly doesn't always understand where the boundaries are. My DH and I took a class on the Common Sense Parenting approach recently. One thing that I got out of it is that I need to be EXCEPTIONALLY clear and literal when I tell her what I want, what she's done wrong, or what she's done right. I thought I was doing that before. But since the class I've noticed how much I say things like "be nice" or "share with your brothers". A two year is honestly and truly not equipped to interpret things like that. And I usually mean something different each time I say them. "Be nice" might actually mean "don't hit your brother" or "stop pulling the dog's tail" or "give that toy back to your friend". Of course making sure I have enough sleep and finding the time to really pay attention to every little thing I say to her can be tricky in practice

[MargieMe]

DS is 2.5 (Oct baby) and there are days when i want to pull my hair out . We have got the "milk-OJ" debate...we goy "1 shirt, 2 shirt, red shirt, blue ****" war...we have got I want milk and water and then pour them all into one cup and declare it "icky"...we have the "don"t tell me NO"...AND my personal favorite, "I not mad, I ANGRY!" (I guess that is what I get for labeling emotions.

We are also into hitting, (occ) biting, headbutting, and now, throwing. I have to sit outside his room when he is in time out b/c at 39" tall, I haven't found a gate that will hold him in.

(OK now I can type with both hands). It has just been crazy and makes me think all kinds of stupid thoughts because my day job is working with students with autism and some of them are at the same communicative level as my DS...of course they are 6 years older, but it is easy to lose that perspective in mid-tantrum. (I just said no to outside--heat index 110--and we might be going back to tantrum.)

I know today is an especially bad day because he did not nap, but I am just waiting for bedtime and a nice glass of wine.

Thanks to everyone who shared...now I don't feel like I need to know if my insurance covers therapy for the under three year old population

[SchmennaLeigh]

I hope they're normal. That's what's going on over here.