[CovenantMom]

Hi everyone,

Our 21mo daughter tells on me to her dad or grandma. When I scold her, give her a time out... etc...

How can I stop this manipulative behavior?

thanks,
Susan

[mrsred]

Its not so much your reaction, but the reaction of the people that she is telling that will make the difference. Your reaction should be nothing at all. and the reaction of Dad, Grandma and everyone else should be "Oh good! I see Mommy is doing a great job!"

[loveajax]

Oh, sounds like DD! Every time I say no to her, she will go to her dad and say, "Mama's being mean to me." We each back each other up and say, "no, honey, she is not. You have to listen to Mom (or Dad)." It is definitely manipulative, but I think "ignoring" is best. hang in there!

[HBV]

H does it, too, but he tells on the nanny. I went home for lunch yesterday and was home when he got back from the park. He runs in the door and starts jabbering about the slide, then says "H got TIME OUT something something something AND SLIDE ONLY ON BOTTOM." (He was going down headfirst, which is not allowed.)

He now cracks me up because all you have to do is say the words TIME OUT and he sits down immediately.

[Lilly's Mommy]

This reminded me of the recent afternoon when I was watching my niece (3 yrs). She was getting wild & out of control upset, so I brought her over to my lap and told her that I was going to hold her until she could calm down. Nothing harsh, I just held her in my arms. You'd have thought I was poking her with sticks by her reaction to the "discipline."

My sister called me after they got home to inform me that A had told her in a disgusted tone, "I did xyz and Auntie HOLDED me!" My sister just laughed and said, "Good! I'm sure you needed it!"

Guess they've got to try out the tattling.

[thanksgivingmom]

I think it's really a phase most kids that age end up going through...I always would be so worried when I was babysitting my brothers kids that I would tell on myself before they could!

It combatted it pretty well though. When Mom or Dad would come home I would tell them, in front of the child, all the things I could predict he would tell on me for. It really stole his thunder. Especially when they backed me up and he realized he wasn't going to "win"

Good luck!

[CovenantMom]

Thanks ladies. Your comments help ALOT

[Nicole Elaine]

Ahh.. tattling.. the memories.. haha

We had a 5 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old as foster placements. Our 5 year old would tell her case manager, teacher and anyone else who would listen, that we didn't feed her. She would even yell at me and say, "You never let me eat anything!"

She ate breakfast every day at home, then at school, then ate lunch at school, an after school snack at school, an after school snack at home and dinner at home. It was sad really, since she had been neglected in her previous home, and was obviously trying to get extra food to make sure she wouldn't go hungry.

But long story short, I think most adults can distinguish between tattling and truth when it comes to kids. It's just something they do. You're not an evil parent, really.

[FullQuiverMamma]

Hopefully Grandma and Dad, being made aware of the situation can rally behind you. I know that my sweet husband is very firm with our children if he senses any disrespect towards his wife. He's not having that. It is also a good way to teach your young one that we are to honor marriage. If hubby puts wife first, it sends a loud message.

[Slatond10]

Yes, my DD did the same thing and luckily Nana and Papa reacted properly w/ a unified front of support for me.

However, the tables have turned a little lately (dd is 3) and they have a score board @ school. A Green light is "good", a yellow light is for a warning and a red light is when they get time out. If she gets a red light at school she ask me "not to tell Nana and Papa" LOL!