[MrsD]

Hi Everyone....

It looks like we might be placed with a 6 month old and a 2 year old.....what should I know about these ages??? We have no kids right now.

Thanks!!

P.S. I'm also posting this on the first year board.

[SchmennaLeigh]

This is a much more complicated answer.

By two, children differ so much. Add into the mix that the child may be experiencing some anxiety about the new placement and I'm pretty sure you'll see some tantrum action.

Try to remember that two year olds can be insanely sweet, too. It makes up for the bad moments.

Potty training becomes an issue from the second to third birthday. That's the biggest milestone that I can think of off the top of my head.

[AKMama]

When my oldest was getting close to two, I made a comment about the terrible two's to someone and they said, "Oh, it's the terrific two's." I thought they were crazy, until my youngest turned two and my oldest turned three. Three's are worse than two's, so now I do look at the two's as terrific. My two year old is hillarious. Yes, she throws fits, says no, and wants things her way, but she is also funny to watch and listen to. Her vocabulary is constantly increasing, she's making up dances and songs, loves to cuddle and look at books, wants to learn to write her name, loves to color and paint. The list goes on and on. I think twos are starting to gain independance in some areas but in others they still want to be held and carried and loved on. My three year old still definitly likes to cuddle but she is also exercising a lot more independance and wanting to do things on her own, using her words more clearly and trying to get exactly what she wants.

I also watch two other two year olds during the day, and they are all just at that age where they've figured out quite a bit about the world around them, but they're also trying to figure out the rest. They are figuring out how to push your buttons and what will make you upset, what behaviors will not get them what they want, and they are constantly testing the limits to see if the limits are still in place.

As for advice, you probably won't know to the fullest extent what the first two years of this child's life was like. I'd expect some time to transition into your home. I'd give lots of love and praise and really try to bring out the positives. Calmly deal with the negative behaviors. Ignore the tantrums (unless they are physically hurting themselves). Try to spend as much quality time together as possible so the child feels loved and cared for. I'd save major changes, like potty training, transitioning to a big kids bed (if used to being in a crib) and things like that for later when he/she is more comfortable in your home. You could also try to figure out if there is a certain tv/movie charractor the child likes as a form of familiarity and comfort. For my daughter, Dora is huge in our house. 20 minutes of Dora will settle both my kids down, start to unwind, allow me a chance to fix dinner and not have crazy kids at the table. For the little boys I watch, Thomas the Train and Cars are both huge hits. It's amazing how quickly they will sit down to listen to a Thomas story or how the threat of having their car taken away can change a negative behavior.

Just some thoughts. I hope everything works out for you. How exciting to have two little ones at once. I know it was a huge change when both my girls came at once, but I wouldn't change it for the world!

[HBV]

Another vote for the terrific twos here---all my more experienced friends tell me three is much different!

Especially since you're getting two such different ages, you'll want to try to establish some routines right away and try to stick with them to give some structure and security. I'm not suggesting a military schedule where you eat at 0800,etc., just that establishing a routine of bath, books, bedtime or lunch, coloring, nap will help.

Think about how you'll balance the day and your attention between the two. And if this seems like a "duh" piece of advice, forgive me, but my experience at home suggests that it might not be. Consider what activities are done when. It is not a good idea to play "dance party" after bath and expect that the toddler will then willingly stop dance party and "come quietly" for bedtime stories. They need transition time just like we do.

Music is (I think) a really great way to help set moods and transition from one part of the day to the next. Think of it as a soundtrack for your life.

Also, I think your own attitude and demeanor have a HUGE effect on children at any age. They copy what they see. So if you are polite to your spouse, pleasant to the people around you, calm in your reactions to little irritants, then that's what you're going to see more of from them.

Some good books: What to Expect (both the first year and the toddler years versions); Parenting w/ Love & Logic; Raising Adopted Children

If you don't already have it, get a subscription to Parents magazine---lots of good ideas and useful tips in there.

[Slatond10]

I agree w/ the other posters. Two's have their challenge but also some incredibly wonderful moments.

Here is what the Dr's office said about 2 y.o.
Nutrition: Picky Eater
Safety : Child does not understand danger -- lots of falls/injuries
Hints:
Curiousity about body parts
One nap / day
Transient mild speech dysluency
Encourage physical activity
Show affection

My personal experience including :

• testing boundaries. (this was cyclical. I would have 1 week of testing and then 2 weeks of angelic behavior and then cycle would repeat) ??? not sure why???
• biting phase 18mo-24 mo with only isolated incidents of biting/hitting etc. I believe this phase is due to communication issues
• Some of the most hilarious moments you will ever witness as you watch them learn their surrounding and try to understand it.

But what I would recommend for someone adopting 2 @ the same time w/ that age difference it to make sure you have help / resources / network and a way to find just a little time for yourself.