[katlyn]

My son just turned 4, and it seems that just this past year has been the worst in getting him to go to bed at a descent hour. We put him to bed between 8:30 and 9 during the half hour we brush teeth, go to the potty and read a story or two. Then for the next two hours or so we deal with him coming out of his room sneaking is more like it. Into his sisters room, our room or just anywhere, almost like he;s hoping to get caught, because when he does he just laughs at our irritation. We had a special knob cover on his door and we used that to keep him in his room, so then he would continuously get up and play, now he has bunk beds and he jumps off the top bunk , I am at a loss, he's not your typical 4 yr old. He looks more like he's going to be in first grade! I just need some ideas, we take toys away, we would let the dog stay in to keep him in bed, when that doesn't work we take her out and he just screams like we've slapped him. It's like no matter what we try he just fights us tooth and nail, I don't like to spank him, my husband will give him a swat on his rump now and again, but nothing works.....nothing. Can anyone give me any suggestions? I feel like I am going crazy....he could make angels curse! I'm just at a loss.

[bajj]

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you. My just turned 5 year old has been hard to get to bed since he turned 4. He throws a whole lot more tantrums when he's tired, too. So, we established a regular bedtime routine and start it early enough that we're finished by bedtime. He doesn't get to watch tv before bed and no rough housing, tickling, or any strenous activity from about 6:30 on.

I don't know if that would help your son or not, but it might. If not, call his doc and see what they say.

[tinatyme]

Hmmm . . . my children are younger - 2 years old but my best friend has been trying the SuperNanny approach and it might work for you. Basically, move the bedtime to earlier (because a lot of children are actually overtired and this causes them to be overactive when they are not getting enough sleep), set an established bedtime routine (which it sounds like you have), and try to minimize stimulating activities around bedtime. When your child gets out of bed the first time you are supposed to tell them that they need their sleep fox XX tomorrow and tuck them back into bed making sure that they have everything that they need (they have used the bathroom, have a drink nearby, dog is in the bed, have a nightlife, etc.), the next time you are supposed to say "It is time to go to bed" and put them back into the bed firmly, all times after that you are not supposed to say anything just put them back into bed and not make eye contact. The reasoning behind this is that it is a play for your attention so you are trying to take away that incentive. Eventually, they are supposed to realize that you are going to be consistent on this issue and give up. It has worked with my toddlers and now they go to bed with minimum effort but intially it meant hours of me going back in the room to redirect and put them back in the bed.
I saw on Supernanny one time a family with children that would not only get out of bed but play and jump off things. In that case the parent did the same routine but they sat in the room and kept moving their chair back until they were outside the door.

I don't know if this helps. As I said, with an older child it might be a lot different. Good Luck!

Tina

[katlyn]

I saw on Supernanny one time a family with children that would not only get out of bed but play and jump off things. In that case the parent did the same routine but they sat in the room and kept moving their chair back until they were outside the door.

This is my son in a nutshell! He has bunk beds, which scares the u know what out of me . We got bunk beds because of my baby boy, when he gets old enough they'll share a room. Anyhow, he is really into batman and superman, all the superhero stuff, and that's what he does. He will climb into his closet with pillows and stuffed animals and toys and blankets, or he'll sneak out of his room and go and wake up his older sister or hide in our room or find other spots to hide. I love your suggestion, I will certainly try it, especially since he's in pre k now, he needs his sleep! Thank You so much for this awesome advice

[emjay]

I agree with the approach of putting him back to bed consistently until he stays in it on his own.

Also, any way you can remove the upper bunk for now if it's not all one piece? That might ease your mind...at least about the big jumps.

[GCS]

I had a hard time last year getting my newly 4 year old down.
We tried everything.
In the end what worked for me then, and I still use it now on occassion, is sitting with him in the dark until he falls asleep.
When I leave he starts playing. I put him back down and go through the whole its late and we have school/pool/gym whatever tommorrow. On those days that I have to come in twice, I sit down with him next to his bed and tell him to close his eyes. If he is lying still and has his eyes closed he will fall asleep in minutes. He likes me to sit by him and knows that I wont stay if he plays around, so he will settle down and be out in a few minutes.
But I have the rule - open your eyes and I walk out that door.
I dont do this all the time - maybe once or twice a month when he is wired for some reason. But it sure beats going in his room 6 times a night.

Christina

[katlyn]

When I leave he starts playing. I put him back down and go through the whole its late and we have school/pool/gym whatever tommorrow. On those days that I have to come in twice, I sit down with him next to his bed and tell him to close his eyes. If he is lying still and has his eyes closed he will fall asleep in minutes.

But it sure beats going in his room 6 times a night.

That's the unnerving thing, he just will not stay in bed, unless I stand outside his door and open it every five minutes. I will definitely give this a try, if he stays still for longer than five minutes and he's out like a light. Thanks!

[Big Dreamer]

Thanks for starting this.

My three year old won’t stay in bed either.

We are starting to experience melt downs and talking back because she is sooo tired.

When she gets plenty of sleep she is a happy go lucky child.

We DON’t spank at all nor do we raise voices, we are firm but don’t yell so…this has been a bit more challenging. I am thinking about creating a reward chart but wanted to run it past you guys first.

Last night I told her that if she got out of bed 1 time she would loose her privilege to go to dance class. Guess what… she didn’t get out of bed and didn’t make a peep.

Tonight I told her that if she got out of bed she would loose a privilege but I didn’t say which one she is still in bed.

Here is what I am thinking:
We don’t watch much TV in our home when we do it is usually educational shows like Dora, Diego etc. Computer time is earned for good behavior it is limited to 30 minutes once a week. We do Arts and Crafts, Paint etc…she is an only child but we stay busy with play dates, dress up, tea parties and we bake.

I want to create a Green Happy Face and a Red Sad Face (I would call an Uhhh Oh Face) They would be made out of construction paper.

Then I want to get 5 clothes pins.

Every morning after she has stayed in bed she can add a clothes pin to the Happy Face which means 15 minutes of computer time, or TV time, Dance Class for that day or a special stamp on her hand.

If she got out of bed she adds a clothes pin to the Red Uhhh Oh Face then she needs to put her favorite toy or her dance shoes in time out for the entire morning in order to get the clothes pins off the Red Uhhh Ohhh Face or she gets NO stamp.

Putting her high heels or her dance shoes in time out works wonders during the day. Then we could create a chart showing the green Happy face and the Red Uhh Oh face and perhaps she can see her behavior and her rewards.

My concern is:

For how long would we do this?

Should we be rewarding something she should be doing anyway? My thinking is this is like potty training we rewarded her for going to the potty until it became second nature then the rewards (stamps) disappeared.

I spoke to soon she is up….HELP!

[Big Dreamer]

Oh...we have been doing the re-direct for weeks...

[katlyn]

Should we be rewarding something she should be doing anyway? My thinking is this is like potty training we rewarded her for going to the potty until it became second nature then the rewards (stamps) disappeared.

I don't think it's wrong to reward children for doing things they're suppose to, as long as the rewards are not candy or toys....I think you have a wonderful idea, and you should give it a try. Do it as long as it takes or until you feel it is not working as planned then move on to something else, I also liked the idea of staying in the room...but that would only be beneficial if the little person would go to sleep rather quickly. My son would conk out if made to stay still for longer than five min. that is why he won't! It has really gotten better since he started Pre K though, he's so tired the last couple of nights that he hasn't gotten up once or made a single peep woohoo! I wish you luck!

[Big Dreamer]

Thanks for your insight I am going to create a Reward Chart and the Green Happy and Uhh Ohh (Red) Faces. I am in school two nights a week; hubby is having a hard time getting her to bed making mornings really hard on me.

Thanks for writing...I really needed to hear someone else’s thoughts on this.

By the way...I agree with you "Candy and Toys" aren't very good rewards in these kind of situations. I think that in most cases (for us) we don't use food like cookies etc as a reward. I have struggled with weight and want to teach Star about "other" rewards so that food nourishes her body not her self-worth. I fight my battle of the bulge everyday I pray that it won't be her battle maybe painting or clay will be her stress busters and alternatives to comfort food...wouldn't that be nice?

Thanks again...

Hugs,
Maria