[jimpol]

We have been having difficulties with our son's preschool for about the past 4 or 5 months. Part of the problem was the teacher and her lack of classroom control, but my son's aggressiveness contributes to the problem. We thought we had come up with something to help him by moving him to a different teacher's room with more structure and routine, but twice now we have gotten calls from the school about my son hurting another child.

I just don't know what to do. We are not physical at all at home. He is 4, is it an age thing? We have gotten him involved with soccer and a little gymnastics class to help him exert his energy. He tells me that he is just playing when he hurts his friend. It tends to be the same child because he likes playing with my son. Is it more? Is it a problem with lack of supervision at his school?

Please help!

[qs mom]

Have an evaluation done. Call your school district and request one. THey'll send you someplace where they'll check him out. You'll give descriptions of his behaviors, and they'll observe him in class and speak with the staff.

If he's hurting kids, it's not just the age. Chances are he doesn't realize he's hurting them. He doesn't realize his strength.

My son also has these issues. He is an SI kid. He doesn't sense that he's too close, he doesn't sense bumping into kids. He went to a theraputic preschool - best thing in the world for him.

[joejoesmom]

We were having a similar problem with my 3 1/2 year old. I learned a lot from Brazelton's book on Anger and Aggression about why toddler's act aggressively towards other kids. It turns out that he was being targeted by another boy in the class and felt threatened so he was aggressive almost all the time. The other boy was asked leave the school and my son has been much better. There was an almost immediate change in my son.
The other thing that worked was he and I would go do something together when I picked him up from school if he behaved himself that day. I tried rewarding good behavior instead of punishing. It's a little harder but works well.