[xhw1]

We just got home with our twelve month old son last month from Guatemala. It was a rough first couple of weeks, but now the routines are starting to set in, and life is going a little smoother. I do have a few questions, being a first time and lost parent.

For the first few weeks, my son tollerated my husband and wanted nothing to do with me. Which from reading everything...makes sense. But now that he has gone back to work, he is actually bonding quite well with me, maybe even over bonding, but doesn't want my husband at all. We try me leaving for and hour here and there, playing as a group, but he just thinks of him as a short term jungle gym and not a parental figure. Does that just take some time?

Also, when we got home he was purely on formula and slowly started introducing 2 and 3 foods, and he did very well, but now all of the sudden, he doesn't really care for food. Is that a phase he will go through? Do we just keep trying?

Lastly, any suggestions on switching to milk, he doesn't like it at all??????

Thanks for any help.

[crick]

I think the bonding process will happen with both of you, just keep up what you are doing and eventually he will bond well with both of you as parents. My daughter bonded quickly with me but not with my husband and it took about 3-4 months before she actually started seeing him as "daddy" and not just someone that was there. I always made sure to take time for myself and that meant they spent time together. They also went on outings together (park, walks etc.) without me and that helped too.

As for the food, kids are picky! My 3 year old still fights trying new things and is more of a small meals through out the day eater and rarely eats much at dinner. I just keep giving him things though and sometimes he eats it and other times he just pushes it away. A child won't starve himself though so just make sure things are available to him and he will start eating. Try mushy and soft foods like bananas ect. first and see if that helps.

The milk must taste very strange to him, being from another country so that might take more time. Have you tried soymilk? Vanilla soymilk is a big hit with my boys, but my daughter doesn't like it much. You might also try formula or mixing soymilk and a little bit of regular milk together.

Hang in there! Routines are important and it sounds like you are doing that. Sometimes you'll try 50 things and none will work and then you try again and it works. The trick is to keep trying because eventually things fall into place.

Congratulations on your little one!

[spaypets]

Maybe your husband needs to do something every day, like give you son his bath or be the one who puts him to bed -- If he's part of the daily routine, your son will get used to him. Don't forget, it's only been a short time and your son doesn't know if this set of parents is really his forever parents.

Don't make an issue about the food -- present several options to him and then let him make his choices. If he's hungry, he'll eat -- it's easy to worry or to substitute sweets to make sure he'll eat something, but remember, milk is very filling, so don't give him the milk during meals that you want him to eat. And definitely don't give juice.

You might try warming the milk if he doesn't like it, or mixing formula in it and gradually cutting back the formula. I'd avoid anything with added sugar -- kids don't need it.

[dadfor2]

regarding your husband, you mentioned that your husband went back to work.....maybe he is angry at him for leaving him. I have heard that sometimes when a parent leaves for an extended time, the child will not even talk to that parent. ITs just an idea, but in time, the child does realize that daddy is coming back home, day after day, then he can trust daddy again.

also, regarding food, dont push the child to eat anything. The one thing a child can control in his hectic life is food. So let him control that for a while.

Plus, most kids will turn down most foods for 5-6 times before even trying it.

For us, this has held true, my child says "i dont like it" but never even tried it....well, what do you know, after 6 tries, he tried it...and gosh...he even liked it.

I was worried for a while that my child would only eat P&J, rice crispies, and rice....the doctor told me he was fine, and not worry.

regarding vitamins, i was told not to give a child a vitamin a day, because they can build up an immunity to them. They should be given, but not everyday. But less face it, we usually forget to give it to them everyday anyway...lol

i would suggest, let the child control his food for a while, just till he settles in. As for daddy, time will be the evidence...daddy will just keep coming home.

I agree with spaypets, let daddy do some of the nightly bedtime stuff and you take a break. THe child might scream for you, but dont give in. Let daddy do it...

dadfor2

[tobeafamily]

We adopted Ryan at his birth, so it's not a perfect analogy. I can comment on some things though:

1. It's pretty normal for a toddler to prefer one parent over the other, then switch. Sometimes it's for a day, sometimes a week. Ryan has 'All Mommy Days' and 'All Daddy Days' at 21 months. Bonding and attachment are long processes, so it may take some time before you start to see patterns. In the meantime, do family things, make sure you alternate who comforts, feeds, changes, etc.

2. Perfectly normal for him to have no interest in food, this is typical toddler behavior. Some days they eat everything, other days they want to get by on 4 Cheerios and a graham cracker. Ryan's a nibbler - snacks all day. As long as your child is gaining weight, growing and has energy, you're OK. Their growth does slow down in year 2 - expect them to only gain 4-5 pounds as their internal organs 'catch up' to the huge growth in year 1.

Also normal for them to want to eat only one food, or prefer only a few, then switch. Keep offering others, but don't force.

3. As to not liking milk, I agree, maybe try to warm it. Also maybe mix with formula or with soy milk, that may be more palatable to them. Can't help much there, Ryan was always interested in milk, though he loves it warmed a bit.

BTW love The Baby Book and others by Dr. Sears. He gives great thoughts on how to parent and what to expect.

Best of luck,

Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas (21 months)

[mina2u]

I agree that food should not be forced. A child will not starve himself. He will eat when he is ready to do so. Food should never be a battle. Speaking of food, here is "food for though" idea...lol
Could you maybe learn to cook some of the things he was used to eating? Maybe the familiar smells and textures will lure him to eat?

[xhw1]

Thank you all for responding to my post.

My husband does do bathtime every night and has finally been "allowed" by the little guy to let him do the bedtime process. Things are starting to feel a little more normal now that the routines are finally setting in for all of us.

I will try the warming the milk idea and also adding a bit of formula.

As far as trying to make the foods he was used to eating...they say he was eating a wide variety of foods, but due to his institutional like setting, we doubt he was eating any foods. Right now he is doing very well with 2 and some 3 foods. For some reason he frets a little with texture in the mouth and spits it back out...I guess this will take some time. Evens Cheerios are still a little strange to him, after about three or four of them.

He has his four front teeth on the top and bottom, what is the trick to getting them to want to try to gum foods? I really can't even get him to try eating a baby cracker, etc.

[AlexasMom]

I think the things that you are experiencing are completely typical of "just home" kids. He has been through a tremendous amount of change in the last month - and sometimes that affects our kids in different ways.

We brought our little girl home from Russia at 8 months of age - and in the beginning she ate everything I gave to her - and then - boom - she quit. It was like her appetite and tastes just changed overnight. She went from eating me out of house and home to barely eating a few bites each mael time. I do think it is just a phase...she eventually came around - and now has a great appetite - but that phase lasted for a good 4 months. SO hang in there. Just keep offering little tastes of things. The texture thing is pretty typical, too. Our daughter, at 18 months, still wrinkles her nose at unfamiliar textures. Just keep trying...

As far as the milk thing...we kept our daughter on formula until 15 months of age...just to give her the extra nutrients. And, when I made the switch to whole milk, I did it VERY gradually. I would put in 4 scoops of formula - and then mix it with milk instead of water. Then, after about a week, I went down to 3 scoops and mixed with milk. Stayed with that mixture for a couple of weeks. Then, I went to 2 1/2 scoops for a couple weeks, etc - until we finally phased out the formula altogether. She wasn't a big milk fan either - so the switch had to be very gradual.

My daughter is a HUGE mommies girl. Having our kids prefer one of the parents is very typical. She is okay with daddy if I'm out of the house...but if Im anywhere around - it has to be me that takes care of meeting her needs. I understand this, too, is a phase...and pretty soon - I'll be "chopped liver" and Dad will be the guy in demand.

Congrats on your new son. Have a wonderful time figuring out the "parenthood" thing. I know I sure felt like I was "all thumbs" for quite a while after our daughter came home...but as each week passed, I became more confident in my "mommy" role - and she became more secure in the knowledge that I would be here to meet her needs. I think it works both ways....we get to know each other!

Good luck - and enjoy!