[stacyone]

So my 15-month-old has started slapping me in the face -- not Daddy, just Mommy. We started time-outs the other day and it almost KILLED me. Hearing her cry as we walked away, my heart just shattered. I e-mailed my mom to tell her I don't know if I can do it again and her response was really great -- very wise. Thought I'd share it:

You will be able to do it because you love her. As parents, we have two important assignments: one is to protect the child from the world. The other is to protect the world from the child. Without anyone to teach us what is acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable, we are not much above the wild animals, who by the way also teach their young what is acceptable and not, and on which lessons may hang life itself. Loving Molly includes these tough lessons. Imagine how much worse you would feel if you'd hauled off and smacked her (many parents' approach). When I beg you not to spank her, this is why. Not that it will hurt her but that it hurts you. I remember and regret. Deeply, bitterly. I love you and trust you to find the best way, always. mom

[tobeafamily]

Gee, my almost-15-month old is doing the same thing and we just started timeouts too. Glad to hear we're not the only ones.

Thanks for passing on your Mom's words, they're AWESOME and so very true. Needed to hear those words right now as we struggle. No coincidences.

Thanks again.

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[JeannineW]

My daughter is 3.5 yo now. The one thing that made it bareable to listen to her cry/scream was to analyze the crying. If she is crying because she is scared or hurt, I go to her immediately. If she is crying because she is mad at me for correcting her, that's part of learning.

You get so tuned in to responding to your babies cries. In the beginning, it means they need you. As they get older, their cries mean many things. It's hard but necessary to change your mindset and realize that it's ok for them to cry when there is a purpose. Hold your ground. It's a test (deliberate or not) to see who is in charge. It HAS to be you for your child's sake and yours.

Just make sure your timeouts are reasonable. I've heard a minute per year of life. It seems to be a good formula for my daughter. My daughter usually sits on the bottom step which is in the kitchen so she isn't far from us.

My daughter also seems to understand when she needs more than a timeout. She will willingly go to her room to "reset". When she comes back, she is usually in a much better frame of mind. She did this yesterday during a playdate that was headed south. It's usually up to her whether or not she feels she needs to go to her room and she decides when she's ready to come back.

Good luck.

Jeannine

[MomTo1]

Wow......I must be behind the ball with discipline.

My little girl started hitting me just around her 2nd birthday in May. I've tried the time outs, but she won't sit there. I tried the crib, she crawls out. How do you know your child understands time out's? I thought she was too young.

I have been grabbing her hand and saying no hit, it hurts. She seems to be stopping it, though occasionally, like today in the mall, she got me good.

[stacyone]

Well, right now she doesn't have to stay there. We also put her on the bottom step and say "Time out! No hitting!" She's welcome to get up & follow us.

I just love what my Mom said because when I hear her cry, my heart breaks. I know, intellectually, that I have to discipline her, but emotionally I don't want anything adversarial between us.

Oh well. I signed on to be her Mom, not her friend.

[Judilyn]

I loved your moms advice that was great!

[JeannineW]

Sometimes I have to resort to "full body" timeouts. I sit on the step with her and hold her on my lap. It's no fun for either one of us but it doesn't hurt her and it's made her realize that timeouts are not optional. If timeouts are voluntary, it's not discipline it's a suggestion.

Good luck.

Jeannine

[wanttobeparents]

When Matthew was doing the hitting phase, Mommy would get to go in timeout. I have the kitchen baby-gated off and I would sit in there and read the paper and have a cup of coffee. I could see what he was doing and make sure he was in no danger, but boy, did he hate being seperated! He would usually throw a tantrum and lie on the floor kicking and screaming. I would calmly read the paper and drink coffee while my mind was screaming at me to pick that child up and make him feel better.

Same thing with toys that were thrown. The toy would go into timeout. Usually just for the day, but if someone were hit by it, it would be a week. Timeout for toys is a clear plastic container sitting on a kitchen counter. He can see the toys and is reminded that he can't have them because he threw them.

The result? Hitting or pushing people lasted about a month (very seldom toward the end), throwing toys lasted about 6 months, but I never go into timeout now and the toy timeout is usually empty.

Peggy

[JeannineW]

I've done a mommy timeout, too. Sometimes I feel like I am the one who need it.

We also do toy timeouts but we usually do it for toys she doesn't feel like cleaning up. I'll give her a few chances to clean up the toy but if she refuses, rather than battle to force her to clean up the toy, I just say cheerfully that I'll clean it up and then the toy goes into timeout on top of the entertainment unit for a few days. She can see it but not play with it. This is usually for toys with lots of parts not just dolls or simple stuff.

Jeannine