[tlee70]

Hi Bprice

Nice to hear from you and thanks for the uplifting comments! I haven't been coming here so much lately, been very busy over the summer.
I also feel that I am coming to some sort of acceptance..believe it or not. Acceptance that my relationship with my bdad will never be what I had hoped it would be. I've come to realize that alot of it had to do with my unrealistic expectations and part of it has to do with our lack of ability to understand and communicate with each other on a deeper level.
I have learned over the years that dreams are seldom close to reality.
I hope that things in your life are postive and that you will hear from your daughter at some point.
Thanks so much for the post..miss chatting with you, don't be a stranger. I have found that if I just don't think about my relationship with bdad and not involve him too much in my life then I can put it all aside easier. I have another thread posted here about my relationship with bdad ..not sure if you have read it, but you can find it at
I"m really sad..need some words of wisdom to help me

take care
tlee

[Lostchild1962]

But she didnt deserve to hear that from me..Im bitter..I think she should Thank me. But I do share other adoptees pain..we know what it feels like to be rejected. But I try and not let it control me.

[plants]

tlee 70 i to was put in an abusive adoptive home so i understand how it feels and then my birthmother didnt really want me either so that made me feel sad i wonder is there anything that a person like me can do to make myself feel better about being rejected by both parties

[crick]

Please note that this thread is more than a year old and you may not receive replies...

[lonni]

Plants,I am sorry that you have been so hurt through out your life.You deserved the very best and you were betrayed.
I am so GLAD you are here though;~))
Adoptees ROCK!!!!!!! lol JMO

[tlee70]

Hi plants!

Glad you could stop by and read this old thread Boy...being adopted sure comes with a vast array of emotions!!
It's such a long process..working through your feelings of rejection. I truly believe that counselling and a strong network of friends is what has helped me along the way.
It's still upsetting at times..esp around the holidays, but every year I seem to work through a little more of my baggage and come to a clearer place of where and who I want to be.
I've learned that the only person that I can count on to validate me..is me. We don't always get the tools we need from our childhood to cope as an adult, but we can learn these skills ...sometimes it's painstaking, but we can learn them.
Best of luck to you
Tlee70

[plants]

thank you tlee 70 for talking to me and giving me some help i really appreciate that i dont know if i spelled that word right appreciate but thanks again for help

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by plants

tlee 70 i to was put in an abusive adoptive home so i understand how it feels and then my birthmother didnt really want me either so that made me feel sad i wonder is there anything that a person like me can do to make myself feel better about being rejected by both parties

Plants -

I'm a bmom in reunion with bson. Reading one of your posts about your aparents ripped my guts out, I feel for you, I really do.


I do want to put some thoughts your way, but bear with me, because although you say your bmom doesn't really want you, I don't know all the details. But maybe you can relate to what I'm about to say.

My bson searched and found me. Intially the euphoria, then rapidly came the depthcharging of his life experiences, his responses to his adoption and other issues. He'd been put in boarding school (double rejection) and abused there by other pupils. He became anti-social and violent. He's been on drugs for at least the past 10 years and his drinking is getting in the way of us having a relationship, as I can't cope with the moods and unpleasant things he says when he's under the influence, but I do understand its his way of numbing life's pain.

Although he says he loves me and understands why I gave him up for adoption, his anger issues and his inability to cope with things including having met me, has made him turn on me and I can't handle it.

Having read the Primal Wound (Nancy Newton Verrier if you want to look) has given me valuable insights into my son, but all the same, I can't handle the effect that his drinking has on his moods and emotions and he took it out on me recently and it just blew me away. Its not that I don't want a relationship, but emotionally he could destroy me. Is it possible that your bmom has distanced herself for the same reason? Is it possible that a second chance may come your way/with my son & myself/ once those issues are worked through?

Plants - you have had such a bad experience and my son has such emotional damage, that he in effect is pushing away the very thing he wants. He expects me to be able to take anything he wants to put my way and emotionally I just can't, its taken me nearly 30 years to get some kind of emotional balance after being forced to relinquish him. Is it possible that your bmother is finding she can't cope with your anger over being adopted by such awful aparents?

Its a bmom's worst nightmare finding a son so emotionally damaged. In my case, in relinquishing my son, I hoped that he was given a great life - we reassure ourselves over the years, to help us cope with the suffering we go through for the rest of our lives (my experience and a lot of others) - my goodness, if my son found me and told me what you had been through, it would rip my guts out. I'm not sure how it would have slowed down or even made me stop during the reunion process, because reunion is a huge thing to handle anyway, even without the issues that clearly have affected you and him in a big way.

Are you able to empathise with this situation? If I'm totally down the wrong track, then forgive me, but perhaps all is not lost. What appears a rejection now may have chance to be recovered? I know I have to distance myself from my son for the minute and I don't know how long it will take for me to heal - both from being a bmother that never came to terms with losing her son and one that is almost overnight besieged by a son with such emotional problems that have made in nigh impossible for me to cope with. I'd like to, but I'm finding I can't.

I read a similar experience as yours in the national newspaper - a priest described his childhood and his vile father - his mother committed suicide, effectively leaving him to it. What he went through beggars belief. But the cruellest cut of all is that he found out at the age of 13 that they weren't his biological parents, he'd been adopted. I don't know your whole story, but like the other response to your post, I sincerely hope that like that (now) priest you get some relief. My heart goes out to you, i can understand why you are so angry and why you feel so. Keep posting, tell us how you are getting on... please.... perhaps some of the thoughts may be food for thought, but if not, I don't say anything to hurt you. I would however, like to know how you are.

[tlee70]

Hi Jannyroo
I just wanted to say thanks for responding on this thread, as I don't believe that plants is able too.
I read your response...and I also value a bparents perspective.
I have had lots of anger over the years towards both my bparents and aparents. I have lashed out at my bparents before... because I didn't really know how to show my pain. They really didn't understand and of course took it very personally. The damage is done and still there is no understanding....
Over the years I have learned that detachment works very well in helping to get over the pain and anger. Open communication is just not a option....never has been with either of my bparents.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for your input, it nice to hear the other side.
tlee