[kjblackburn]

I would have to say that I am not at all grateful for having been
adopted.I have no resentments towards my birth mother nor do
I have many towards my adoptors.A family is created by genetics
and it can not really be changed by the unpractical "love conqueres all theory".Genetic bonds can only be replaced by those who share genetics,and never by strangers.To put it very
simply,I beleive adoption to be immoral,and it greatly compounds
that immorality when you force people to live with something
that they don't want any part of.

[laurajane]

Wow! I can't agree with that at all. I am so thankful for my life and the love I was raised with and that is the only good feeling I have about my bp. Because they didn't want me, I was raised in a GREAT home. Imagine if my bp didn't want me but because of genetics kept me. I could be a victim of child abuse. What if they couldn't afford me, but because of genetics kept me, I could be eating tuna out of a can right now. After carring a child for 9 months and struggling to make ends meet, and been sucessfull at it, I have come up with only 2 good reasons for Adoption, rape and incest. Those people chose to give me up, they chickened out to the easy way. no mattter what, if you WANT the child you will do whatever it takes to make it work. I have requested non id info so that I can get some medical information now that I am a mommy, but I hope to heavens I am never contacted. Thanks for reading my rambling.

[Sandyy]

A husband and wife are not genetically related. Are they not a family?

[Rosalind]

Laura Jane

Thank your lucky stars that society of today allows you to raise your child, in years past that was not the general rule. Indeed have read where social workers would remove a child where the mother was unmarried strictly for that reason and no other.

Good luck on the path you have undertaken, it is a tough road but a rewarding one.

Rosalind

[gr8tful2aa]

I am a birthmother, and am sure what I am about to say will be unpopular, but it is my opinion and that is all.
I do not think that a child who has been given up for adoption should be "required" to feel grateful to the birthparents. The child was placed in a situation that he/she had absolutely no choice or say in, was given no alternative in, and then to top the cake is expected to be grateful? I think as a birthmother that perhaps it is a nice notion to think the child is grateful for a situation they had no say in, perhaps in a way it relieves some of the guilt, shame and remorse of giving the child up (my own experience only, I speak only for myself) With that said, I also know there are as many reasons for giving a child up as there are birthparents. For me, I was not fit to be a parent plain and simple. I will not candy coat it or try to make it look better than it was...I was not fit...it was that simple. I am greatful to God's Grace and a wonderful 12 step program that I am involved in today that I am no longer that person. I no longer carry the guilt of my past and would welcome a meeting with my daughter, and hope that she would be mature enough, and prepared to hear the truth, because to tell her anything less would be doing her and myself a great dis-service. I would not want to start a relationship, if that was possible, based on lies. If she does not want to meet me, I will respect that and accept it. I do not feel that she should be "just dying" to meet me just because I happened to give birth to her. I hope this doesn't sound cold or callus...it is just realistic. Again this is only my opinion.
Thanks for letting me share
Tammie

[laurajane]

Thanks, when I said "struggling to make ends meet" I didn't mean to imply I was single. I am married, but haven't won the lottery yet. I simply ment that I don't buy financial hardships a reason for adoption. You work at it if you really want it. I'm a stay home mom which is what I want, it is very difficult a second income would make all the difference however it is important to me to stay home with my son.
What ever the reason for my adoption I don't care, they gave me up, they didn't want me. The're loss, my 100%+ gain.
It's sad to think of the life "not at all greatful" has had to sound so bitter. I hope you have a good day!

Good point on the husband wife angle!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pumpkin]

Without knowing your history and what actually transpired leading to your adoption, it's somewhat of an assumption to say that your bparents didn't care about you and took the "easy way out." My bmother had no choice. I was taken from her. Period. She was young and living in a very different social climate. I blame my bgrandparents and the social workers for the loss I've had to live with. Many woman were victimized by the adoption industry and will live with that pain the rest of their lives. I agree that income and social standing should not prevent a young woman from keeping and raising her own child. Fortunately today there is support for those women. Should the age of the young mother be a factor? I don't have an easy answer for that one. I'm sure there are a million other reasons for considering adoption. Human beings aren't perfect.

[laurajane]

pumpkin,
Again I left out information. I am assuming that's the case, because they were married and already had 2 children.

[Pumpkin]

Gotcha! That certainly puts a very different spin on things. I can see why you would feel that way.

[laurajane]

pumpkin,
I must say thank you though, you did put a different spin on it, that back then they just took you away. No ifs ands or buts. But let me tell you, I would fight till the ends of the earth to get that kid back or placed with relatives or something. Have a great day!

[Rowan]

Hi Tammie

I am a birthmother too. I agree with and understand your post and have written similar types of posts before.

We have to be realistic about this subject.

There are too many people living on Fantasy Island on this message board at times. I do not mean to sound unkind, but really, no child should have to be grateful for a life that they 'should have' as their 'right'. No parent whether biological or adoptive should expect gratitude.

I do not know if I was 'fit' or not - but I certainly needed help & support to do the job of bringing a child up at the age I was at that time which I obviously did not have.

We cannot expect our children to come running back to us 20 years later and fall into our arms either. All well and good if they do this; but what are the chances of that?


We have to be realisitic no matter how deeply wronged and hurt we feel.

R

[raybuffer]

Realism is key. Many times our emotions flood into these forums and we express what we would like reality to be, but that does not make it so. I for one am grateful I was not aborted, or left in a dumpster. My birthmother proved she loved me by bringing me to term. I am happy to have been raised by my adoptive parents.

But I also feel that more should be done to assist birth mothers in keeping their children. The current adoption industry is on pins and needles to satisfy hungry adoptive parents who want children. I do not fault the adoptive parents for this. However, it is more self serving to ENCOURAGE birth mothers into relinquishment for those in the adoption industry, especially if the child's race and eye color is popular, because the market demands it. I agree that the best interest of the child would be first and foremost to remain in the care of his or her natural family unless some type of abuse exists. Money and readiness is not a concern. People step up to the plate despite difficulty. That is what makes us human and that is what challenges us and helps us grow.

That is also one reason I disagree with many "Safe Haven" laws that allow children to be anonymously dumped at hospitals and fire stations. These children are insured of never having knowledge of their origins. Despite "Safe Haven/baby dump" laws that legalize abandonment, children continue to be dumped in unauthorized locations and continue to die. The newspapers neglect to tell you that before Safe Haven laws, infants were already being left safely at hospitals and firestations. They have simply invented a new privacy barrier that "safe haven" foundlings will never be able to get past in search of their origins.



Best Regards,

Ray Buffer

[mom of three]

i'm so sad for you that you feel this way, adoption is such a wonderful blessing for so many children. A loving and secure home is so much better than just gentics.....

[Rosalind]

With some support and encouragement and love, many young unmarried mothers of today do a great job raising their babies, as would many of the birth mothers of the previous eras had they been allowed.

Unfortunately the adoption industry is just that an industry.

[malkris0616]

I'm wondering how old you are. That post seems like something that a teenager would write during their rebelious "I hate the world" phase. I am adopted, I'm 19 and can't even explain the love that I feel with my family. Which, by the way, is my FAMILY. Maybe you had some other situation, and I'm sorry if you did and you were hurt by it, but who do you think you are to tell me that my family isn't my family?


Mallory