[drrlshaw1]

Thank You For Having Me - From the Adopted To The Birth Mother

What does it mean to be adopted? What do you feel when you find out you've been adopted? How should you feel about your birth mother? To be adopted means, someone had to give you up. It's a cruel thought and a hurting feeling to think that someone gave you up. But too often we come to conclusions without truly stepping in another man's shoes or should we say another woman's shoes. Most mothers who have given up children for adoption felt that at the time of giving up the child, it was for the best. They weren't jumping for joy and turning cartwheels. And adoption does not necessarily mean they DID NOT WANT YOU. To many children grow into adulthood feeling like their birth mother didn't want them.. It's time to dismiss that feeling out of you because that feeling turns into hurt, anger, then hatred. It's time to dismiss that thought! But you say how can I let it go when my mother didn't want me because she gave me up. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! your mother did want you! SHE HAD YOU!! Did you hear what I said. SHE HAD YOU! SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE YOU! Babies are aborted every day. Statistics say that there are 3,700 abortions per day in the USA. BUT YOUR MOTHER HAD YOU! She endured the nine months. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE YOU! You may not have nor ever develop an ongoing relationship with your birth mother, but you must be grateful that she had you. If she had not at least had you, you wouldn't be here now. You wouldn't even be alive. Everything you've gone through, everything, you've experienced, has made you who you are today. But you would not be any of that if your birth mother had not had you.

Sometimes you're fortunate enough to now who your birth mother is as you're growing up or you meet them early in life. I found out that I was adopted at age 30. It was an additional 15 years later that I saw my birth mother for the first time. It was a few years after I found out that I heard a sermon on Mother's Day that made me realize that I needed to be grateful that she had me. She didn't have to have me.

If you know who your birth mother is, get your focus off of the fact that she gave you up and call the and tell them "Thank You for having me." "THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!" If you focus on the blessing of being born, God will show you that even in your being given up for adoption, God had a plan for your life. Hurt, bitterness, anger and hatred will keep you from fulfilling the plan for your life. Call your birth mother and thank her for having you. The next Mother's Day, thank her for having you by card, phone call or face to face. But get those words out - THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!

[C_Amos]

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!

[Jody M]

Amen to your post and an echo to how I feel about adoption. Hasn't it been said that it is not the circumstances that persons face in life that defeat them- but how they respond to them- how they reframe them in their mind. One truly can interpret their adoption in the negative and perceive it as rejection, abandonment or hatred by the birth parents. But of course that is a huge travesty for if one does take this stance they do not believe much truth about their adoption. When thinking of the alternative to a birth parent NOT chosing to parent- if they did not chose adoption, they would chose abortion. Now understandably that would be rejection, abandonment- doing away with a precious beautiful life and the potential that lies before them "pregnant" with hope and possibilities.
Yes- adoptees, especially those in the closed adoption system, once they comprehend adoption, have to process what that means and integrate that into their identity. And adoption has mixed emotions for the story of a birth parent having a baby and their inability to parent and raise the baby is a sad story. (one that many adoptees from the closed adoption were protected from- don't share the story for fear they will feel sad or rejected) So that processing can involve grieving the loss that the baby encountered. But moving through grief one comes to resolution and a new insight of their life and purpose. As a Christian person I found it so fascinating to read about adoptees ( or those separated from their birth parents) in the Bible- Moses,Esther, Samuel, Joseph. God allowed their adoption for a purpose for their growth, development, equipping for ministry- service and to fulfill God's plan. All these persons went through some great trials and losses but became stronger persons and leaders. As an adoptee, I find these stories are included in the bible to bring hope and a bigger picture of God's plan for He is Sovereign over our lives and adoption experiences.
Thanks again for the first post of this thread! I hope many adoptees who read this will take some time to reflect upon their adoption and be grateful for their birth parents choosing Life for them, and knowing God has a plan for their lives that He allows to enfold through one's adoption- that can make one become bitter or stronger and better. We must chose and direct our thoughts about being adopted. Victims or victors/overcomers?
Blessings, Jody Moreen, adoptee

[hopeful0712]

Thank you from a birthmother. That was truly touching.....
God bless you!
Robin

[longingtomeetyou]

thats was so beautiful tears

tku for sharing

[zxczxcasdasd]

To the bmom of my son, who I know considered abortion but chose instead at 18 yrs old, 5 feet tall and barely 100 pounds, to carry through with the pregnancy and give birth to a 9-lb baby boy...THANK YOU FOR HAVING HIM! Makes me choked up just thinking about it. Whooo...have to exhale.

I know she aborted the pregnancy right before and right after him. I grieve for that...but I AM SO GRATEFUL SHE HAD HIM. I can't even conceive of the universe without him in it. Okay, now I'm crying so I have to end this.

[jenn_e_ritter]

your post made me cry.very touching

[Sara_Rose]

My birthmom didn't have an abortion only because when she went to inquire the doctor said she was too far along. She didn't want me, and even now that we have met she still I'm sure has no regrets about giving me away.

[elusivefugue]

Thank you so much for this touching post. I wrote a letter to my bmom who I have had contact with for about 3 weeks thanking her for having me. Your post motivated me to do this. I feel like this letter I wrote will facilitate healing for both of us. This post made me realize that instead of being upset for being given up, I should cherish the fact that she suffered and made a difficult decision with my best interests in her heart. Thank you for this insight!

[Hillory]

Beautiful! I am so thankful that my bmom made the decision she did.. if it wasn't for her my paretns wouldnt have me and I wouldn't have life... yay for bmoms!!!!!!

[kharma1130]

drrlshaw, thank you so much for your post! It made my day! Birthbom 2-12-70.

[kai555]

It was a really nice post, but the one thing that got me was the following:

Originally Posted by drrlshaw1

Thank You For Having Me - From the Adopted To The Birth Mother

To be adopted means, someone had to give you up. It's a cruel thought and a hurting feeling to think that someone gave you up.

I was not willingly given up, but taken by social services because it was either give me up or my parents would go to jail for attempted murder. It just sort of hurt hearing the part where adopted means someone gave the child up because of the love of their child, just upset me more because I felt like even here I don't fit in. I know this post was not meant as hurtful and I am not trying to sound mean (and I am sorry if I am offending or angering anyone), but would you consider children taken by social services adopted as well or just outcasts?

[josh1788smom]

Kai555 - I don't see you as an outcast. Every situation is very different, and all the players are very different in each situation. Your parents, I'm sure, still grieve at all that has happened. Their actions unfortunately did not reflect thinking of your remaining with them when they occurred. I am certain they were just as grief stricken to have you removed from them as if it were their decision.

Sara_Rose - I don't see how a woman can carry a child and give birth to that child and not have feelings for that child. Perhaps your mother has been in denial over her situation or has repressed it for so long so as to not deal with the fact that "she gave up a child." It is unfortunate all reunions don't work out for the benefit of each party involved.

From what I have read, many birthmoms had pressure or very little assistance to parent their children. I think anyone that lends that kind of assistance is a gem. I wish to have had it in my situation. I have many regrets that my son was raised by others and he thinks from what I have gathered, that I had to "give him up because I was young." Some of that may be true, but I did not "give him up." I had no support because I was young and unmarried, but I did not "give him up".

Thanks for your post, I'd love to share it with my son.

[angel1970]

Abortion was illegal when my birth-mom had me.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by drrlshaw1

Thank You For Having Me - From the Adopted To The Birth Mother

What does it mean to be adopted? What do you feel when you find out you've been adopted? How should you feel about your birth mother? To be adopted means, someone had to give you up. It's a cruel thought and a hurting feeling to think that someone gave you up. But too often we come to conclusions without truly stepping in another man's shoes or should we say another woman's shoes. Most mothers who have given up children for adoption felt that at the time of giving up the child, it was for the best. They weren't jumping for joy and turning cartwheels. And adoption does not necessarily mean they DID NOT WANT YOU. To many children grow into adulthood feeling like their birth mother didn't want them.. It's time to dismiss that feeling out of you because that feeling turns into hurt, anger, then hatred. It's time to dismiss that thought! But you say how can I let it go when my mother didn't want me because she gave me up. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! your mother did want you! SHE HAD YOU!! Did you hear what I said. SHE HAD YOU! SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE YOU! Babies are aborted every day. Statistics say that there are 3,700 abortions per day in the USA. BUT YOUR MOTHER HAD YOU! She endured the nine months. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE YOU! You may not have nor ever develop an ongoing relationship with your birth mother, but you must be grateful that she had you. If she had not at least had you, you wouldn't be here now. You wouldn't even be alive. Everything you've gone through, everything, you've experienced, has made you who you are today. But you would not be any of that if your birth mother had not had you.

Sometimes you're fortunate enough to now who your birth mother is as you're growing up or you meet them early in life. I found out that I was adopted at age 30. It was an additional 15 years later that I saw my birth mother for the first time. It was a few years after I found out that I heard a sermon on Mother's Day that made me realize that I needed to be grateful that she had me. She didn't have to have me.

If you know who your birth mother is, get your focus off of the fact that she gave you up and call the and tell them "Thank You for having me." "THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!" If you focus on the blessing of being born, God will show you that even in your being given up for adoption, God had a plan for your life. Hurt, bitterness, anger and hatred will keep you from fulfilling the plan for your life. Call your birth mother and thank her for having you. The next Mother's Day, thank her for having you by card, phone call or face to face. But get those words out - THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!

I have heard of adoptee's saying to my generation of birthmother, (1960s-1950s) thank you for not getting an abortion.

For myself, and for many that I have met, that was never an option. I know that one birthmother was devasted when it was said to her. She not only didn't want an abortion, she never would have done it.

For me, it was never a thought, I wanted my child, even if it had been legal, I would not have done it.

I would have been insulted and hurt, if my bson had said that to me.

I do know that abortion was hard to find, but back alley, quack doctors did do them. My own mother had one at age 21, in the early 1950s. I would have been 3 years old at that time. She was unable to ever carry another baby to term. She had 8 pregnancies with her second husband, one baby petrified in her womb.

Adoptee's only know that it is available today, legal, in a sense easy to get or do. It has not always been so.

Many women died or lost their ability to concieve a child, that is why they fought for the right to have an abortion should they choose.

But it was something I wouldn't have done.


Hugs for all who have made that decision, it couldn't have been easy.