[HarperRenee]

I posted this to all of you as I have yet to meet my birth mom and while I know more than likely she isn’t reading this I thought maybe I could touch some hearts.



All I knew about my birth mother is what I was told by my adopted mother who knows very little at that. She must have been too poor to feed me, and had too many other children also. She gave me up when I was 2 months old, so she must have not believed that love could find a way, or perhaps she didn’t love me at all. It scared me, to think my entire life my birth mother must not love me, for her decision to let me go was not made prior to birth, but just prior to my second month of life.

Going on three years ago I became pregnant and life for me changed. In some ways, it was like God was showing me the truth of the situation my birth mother was in through my own pregnancy experience. My son was unplanned, but NEVER unloved. I cried as much as mom’s with planed babies do when I heard his heart beat, or felt his first little tumble inside of me.

I was just as pleased as parents who tried for their miracles as I watched him grow inside of me. And I could not help but think of my birth mother. How terrifying for her it must have been to know that she’d been given a miracle that she would not be able to keep. I can’t help but tear up when I think of the nights I could not sleep because my belly wouldn’t settle down, and how while I used that time to think about how my sons room should be decorated and what the perfect name for him would be, my birth mother must have used the sleepless nights I caused her to concern herself with my upcoming care and how she would provide it.

When I felt the first pains of labor, I could not even begin to imagine how much greater the pain must have been for my “mama” for the greatest pain was not the contractions she was experiences but her heart breaking in two. I know that when my son would not latch onto my breast “right off” I felt so inadequate, how inadequate must she have felt thinking she couldn’t provide for me?

And, since I’m just guessing here, suppose she never thought of letting me go, until she knew her milk supply was drying up do to poor nutrition, and keeping me would only hurt me in the long run. So she swallowed her own hurt, kissed me one last time and let me go.

How is she any different than I am, as I watch my now 22 month old son play only feet from me? Would I not in one beat of my broken heart give him away if I thought someone could provide for him better. I most certainly would. With hopes that his new family would tell him daily that I loved him so much I let him go, so that he would have all his needs and desires met.

But I forgot, she is different. She watched me grow up through every child “about my age” she’s ran into in the stores she shops and places she goes. I’m sure, like I do, she surveys crowds for a face that looks like her. Hopefully soon we’ll be reunited, she’ll meet her grandson, and we’ll go from there.

She can never get back what reality took from her, but prayerfully together we can watch my son do all the things she missed out on with me, and mend both our broken hearts.


In Peace and Love
Harp

[eurydice]

Wonderful post. I am about to give birth and I am going through with an open adoption. I always wonder if there will be a point where my child will hate me for giving her up. I feel that if she does, maybe when she gives birth herself she will understand my position more. This really made me smile and I commend you for being such a compassionate woman.

[HarperRenee]

eurydice

God bless you! I will be praying for you and your daughter. I guess I never thought someone who would be beginning this journey would read and be touched by what I wrote. I must admit I don't know what to say...

But I will pray for you, and for what the days ahead of you bring. You are doing one of the hardest things some parents are asked to do.

God bless you...
Harp

[InionGrinn]

I also had an unplanned pregnancy that really brought to light what my birthmother must have gone through - and not a day goes by where I don't thank God that she made the sacrifice that she did - I only realized the true depth of that sacrifice after getting pregnant and becoming a mother myself.
Eurydice, no one can predict what your child will feel, but I hope and pray her adoptive parents do what mine did and make her adoption part of her identity - I never for one minute hated my birthmother. I thought of her as someone who made a sacrifice for me so I could have a better life. My adoptive mom would tell me "your birthmother loved you very much but couldn't take care of you the way you needed to be taken care of..." I never had "issues" as a child. I don't think birthmothers get enough credit, I also think the difficulties of adoption get highlighted in the media rather than the successes. I consider myself lucky and blessed to have my adoptive parents. I hope that's the kind of experience your child will have with her adoptive parents.
God bless-

Thank you for a beautiful post. I, too, when pregnant, realized just how hard it had to have been for my bmom, to let go. She gave me up in the hospital, days after I was born. I was raised by great aparents, and I know now what an enormous act of love it was for her to let me go. I look into my own children's eyes, and for the first time see who I look like. I wonder if she resembles us now, rather than vice versa.