[17n0n72]

i totally agree with cherry. I'm 35 and my parents always told me my bmother gave me up because she loved me and wanted a better life for me. but what would happen if i knew my bmother while i was growing up and discovered that she had more money or a better lifestyle than my adoptive parents? I probably would have wanted to go back and live with my bmother and my biological family. sounds superficial, but that's how teenager's are.

[court24]

I think there will be questions either way. I never knew my bmom and now would love to know but in my personal opinion I think I might woulda been confussed if by bmom woulda been a part of my life growing up. Kids have to bond with whoever their guardian is going to be. Chances are they would bond better with their bmom rather than with the people who are going to raise them. I'm nothing like anyone in my afamily and I figure if my bmom is like me then that definatly woulda been who I woulda been closest too. Does that make any since??

That's just my opinion I really don't know cause on the other hand it could be looked at like just that much more love that child will be receiving!! The real question may be if all the adults involved are willing to share this child with each other. The aparents may not want too. It may make it harder for the bmom to let the aparents raise the baby with their ways and values if they differ from how the bmom would do it. It could turn into a big contaversy and do the child more harm than good.

But like I said this is just my thoughts I'm no expert by any means!! Just alot of stuff to really consider before making any decisions!! GOOD LUCK though!!

Later,
Courtney

[17n0n72]

Well I finally did it. I told my parents that I wan't to find my bmom. My parents totally support me but I'm wondering about one thing. My mom let me know that she's willing to do the work for me. I said nothing, so I guess I let her know it's O.K.

I'd like to know from other adoptees who have found their bmothers how they found her...did you do all the work yourself? how much did you're parents offer to help? Anytime an adoption reunion show is on t.v. (Oprah), it's the adoptees who always do all the work, so I can't help feeling that I should be doing all the work myself.

[court24]

My a-mom is trying to help me too! I think it's really cool that they can be so supportive don't you? But anyway, just my thought , you might want to be involved with it too. Like it could maybe be a little bonding experience between you and your a-mom. That way ya'll can talk about all aspects of the situation and it'll probably reassure her that you love her. They just want what's best for us!! I would just get involved with her in doing the work cause you can never have too much support!!(you and your a-mom) This won't be the easiest thing for either of you I'm sure. Good luck with it, I hope you find all that you wish for and more!! Have a good one.

Later,
Courtney

[mupificus]

I, too, have had a wonderful life: provided every possible opportunity, traveled extensively, encouraged completely to follow my dreams and make my own decisions from an early age, and loved unconditionally and fiercely. My mom has often told me that my birth mother was very brave and loved me an awful lot to be able to give me up in order to give me a chance at a better life. My birthmother could not have made a better decision! I cannot imagine having a happier life, or more amazing parents. I do wonder if I have bio siblings, though...

I was adopted in 1974, when adoption was quite hush-hush, and birth parents never met adoptive parents, and neither knew much, if anything, about the other. I was perfectly fine not knowing my birth parents growing up. I also think it would have been weird, especially because my mom is so sensitive on the topic. I am now considering adopting, myself, but I am not interested in an open adoption for reasons others have mentioned. My husband and I are only considering international adoption.

[Bride2Be]

I agree with many of the posts here. I was adopted 9 days after I was born to FANTASTIC parents. They already had an adopted 5 year old boy, so when I came along, the family was complete. We too traveled the world - Jamaica, Mexico, Hawaii, Japan, Cayman Islands, etc. My parents gave us nothing less than THE WORLD and I thank both them and my birthparents for these things. Without the courage of my birthparents for having the GUTS to give me up for adoption, I would have never been introduced into my parents lives. I can almost say positively that I would not be a college graduate, I would not be living on my own for the past 9 years, I would not have the job, car, and other material things I have now if I were raised by my 15 year old birthmother. But more importantly, I would not be the person I am today....my confidence, poise, morals, values, strength, intelligence, and good heart all stem from the two people that adopted me and raised me since I was 9 days old.....Thank you to my birthparents for thinking of ME and MY LIFE instead of giving in to their aching hearts at the time.

To All Birthparents.........You are truly amazing people!

[shorty916]

I, too, am adopted and thankful for my adoptive family. I was raised in a loving home with sisters and two parents and a dog. I had everything I ever wanted and truley appreciate everything my adoptive parents gave me. I thank god everyday for placing me in such a loving home. I am happy that this wonderful family brought me into their home and raised me in the most loving of environments. I just wish I could thank my birth mother for giving it to me...making probably one of the hardest decisions anyone could possibly make.

[rights]

Wow,
It is so nice to hear positive adoption stories for a change. We have adopted 3 times so far and I do everything I can to show these children how much I love them. An open adoption can mean anything, it can be phonecalls, pictures, letters, visits, videos, or even seeing them from a distance if it agreed on by both sides. If it wasn't for bparents, I wouldn't have ever known my children so I thank God for their bparents. Adoption can be a positive experience for everyone involved if we just appreciate our differences and our important roles. Thank you for all of the positive stories.

[jayla8]

I'm as well new to this site, and am truely thankful for other adoptee's voicing there opinion on how thankful we should be for our adoptive parents.
I am very blessed and sure every family has their ups and downs and I'm not saying everything about mine was vanilla cake, but hey it does beat where I could have been!
My adopted mom never held back where I came from or who I was, she told me all she new even though it wasn't much. She gave me the chance to live by not giving birth to me, but by wanting me! I've seen things that most people don't get to see in a lifetime. We don't see eye to eye much....but what mother and daughter does?
Thanks you all for your support, comfort, and letting me share my feelings.

[AnaColombia]

I'm happy that I was adopted because I was adopted from Bogota, Colombia and who knows what kind of life I would be leading there. Although here in the United States I'm living a a wonderful life with a wonderful adoptive mother & father.

[annelizly]

hi! As an adult adoptee who in the last few years did find my Bparents I look at both sets of parents and can see more clearly than ever what i would have missed out on had I never been given up for adoption!
My mom taught me how to think for myself and never be a follower. she taught me how to stand up for myself,how to be independant and mature. My dad taught me about compassion to all animals down to the tiniest bug. I learned that hugs and kisses everyday is great ! I learned to say "i love you" easily and also everyday! I was loved and given an amazing extended family! Lots of laughter and closness. I was taught to judge a person by what he says and does not by his appearance or how much money they have. I was taught not to take myself or life too seriously. All of this would have been absent from my life had I been raised w/bparents. thanks mom and dad!!!

[rights]

Wow!!!!!!! I hope you send a copy of your posting to your parents. I would cherish something like this forever. I wish adoption stories like this would make the news instead of only the negative ones. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Marnie87]

I'm new to this forum, but I love it. I too am a happy adopted adult. I was adopted as an infant. My parents eventually had a biological daughter and son. So much for not being able to have children. Ha Ha. I had a great childhood. I love my afamily very much. I am in the process of opening my adoption records. Whether it leads to contact with bfamily, I don't know yet. I just know that being adopted is who I am. I have never felt like anything was missing.

[AMom2Two]

This thread is like a breath of fresh air that comes in and sweeps away your worries.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your stories and your feelings.

Your posts give me peace and hope.

[C_Amos]

What a great thread