[Mary Lu]

Don't be so sure your adopted sibling shares no desire to know his parents and roots. My daughter has 2 siblings who are adoped, and she has kept our reunion secret from them in order not to open a Pandora's box of emotions for them. She figures they'll search and reunite on their own schedules, and should not be influenced by hers.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by donnaparadise

She wrote once more, suggesting that 'someone was lying' because of some conflicting information she had and I'm not sure what that was about.

It could very well be that documents at the agency you went through were falsified. It happened a lot in the 60's. Adoption workers would actually change facts in the file.

Originally Posted by donnaparadise

You might say she wanted medical information and I hear that a lot. However, I have yet to understand how background medical information can help or hinder anything in a person's life. If you have a family history of certain diseases, I can see where there might be a tendency towards it. However, if you have it, you get treated. If your family had it, that does not mean you will not be treated. It is just additional information.

It does a lot in terms of knowing if screening tests are needed. For example, there is a history of colon cancer in my family. As a result we start screening early in my family. Pre-cancerous growths have been found, but luckily, no one has developed full blown cancer.

The bottom line is that while your family may be very healty, many are not and your daughter has no way of knowing anything. That might be prt of the source of her anger.... and she does sound angry.... or it may be other things.

[RobertHafetz]

Originally Posted by emsd55

Are there any adoptees that never had the desire to look for parents but wanted to get medical information and had a hard time getting that information or receiving wrong information.

If told you that your birth mother was in the next room just behind the door waiting for you, would you walk away or go in?

[mabear]

Super question, Robert! I hope all adoptees in this Forum answer you. It's right on!

Hugs,

Mary S.

[emsd55]

good question. I am not sure what I would do.

[Mary Lu]

Let's make that a two-way question: If you are a birth mother and you knew your child was on the other side of that door...


I'm betting that not all would, although probably a majority of participants in this message board.

[C_Amos]

Originally Posted by RobertHafetz

If told you that your birth mother was in the next room just behind the door waiting for you, would you walk away or go in?

No offence intended Robert, but I am not sure that is a valid approach to the question.

The decision is so much more complicated then that, that there are a wide range of personal decisions to be made. I hate those 'Oprah' type shows that operate on the assumption that any adopted person would 'naturally' long to do whatever it takes to find their birth mom/dad. I wonder if a young person who watches such a show may even develop the 'need' to search from watching these shows.

The fact of the matter is that there is a debt to the birth parent, and basic human respect that should be considered. The woman who Choose to give me life, did a wonderful thing by carrying me to te rm and then allowing me to go off to a better life then she believed she could give me. Many (myself included) question if it is right to react to that gift by imposing one's self on her years later..... questions such as what if she has other children that have never been told, or a spouse that does not know could inflict real harm on someone who made a difficult choice years ago to allow me life.

I do not want to disparage anyone's choices on this, but to say that it is that easy is just simply not the case.

Blessings to all who read this, I hope I have not caused any misunderstanding in what I have posted.

[nsanders]

At this point in my life, believe it or not, I would not choose to go in. I know better than to do something like that emotionally unprepared. People are throwm into tailspins like that.

My choice.

[Benedicta]

As a bmom, searching , for 20 years , it is so helpful to hear from those of you who are adopted ! Helps me to realize things I need to know & think about . Most of all it opens my mind & heart to accept my bson's choices.

And the input from you fellow (sister) bmoms ,is sooo healing.

Wish we heard from more adoptive parents who have raised their children; especially as it relates to reunion . It would be helpful to know their views & needs.

I give respect & honor to all persons who love children & are willing to sacrifice for their well being.

I hope someday to be able to say to my son's family :"THANK YOU FROM THE DEEPEST PART OF MY BEING " for loving and caring for their son,my son !

b

[emsd55]

I guess that I would want to see my daughter. But also have to look at the entire picture. I know it was a hard decision for my bmom to give me up. But I have to also think of my adoptive parents.

[Janet Heath]

If my bmom was on the other side waiting, I would walk in.



Janet

[Pinakitha]

Have to agree with Mabear. It is simply too cruel to contact someone simply for "information" &, having obtained it, walk away. There must surely be another way to obtain that information discretely if that is all that is required. That way, nobody gets hurt.

Also agree with Mabear that, if the bmom refuses contact, then you should have the right to medical information at the very least.

Just hope that I haven't offended anyone by saying this.

[Pinakitha]

Benedicta. Just some statistical info that may be of interest to you & to adoptees.

According to research published last year in the UK, over 90% of adoptive parents were NOT as upset about their son/daughter searching for & reuniting with their bmom as the adoptees thought they would be. This doesn't mean that the aparents don't love their children. On the contrary, they DID love them enough to know that this was important to them. If you truly love someone, then you want them to be happy & fulfilled. If search & reunion does that, then who would want to stand in the person's way?

[C_Amos]

Also agree with Mabear that, if the bmom refuses contact, then you should have the right to medical information at the very least.

Why would you have this 'right'?

I hear this alot, many of those talk show hosts promote this kind of thinking. It seems to me that once a person (especally the B-mom) has choosen to deal with pregancy, and childbirth then it is the child who is at least indebted to them to respect their rights.....

Does this make sense?

[hello&goodbye]

I would go by for a quick look, just to see what she looked like. Would I go in crying "MOM", not a chance.

It would be too scary to open up a pandora's box. Though from a letter she sent to me months ago, she is fine with her decision to give me up. her guilt was from getting prenant in the first place, so she is happy and and i am happy, what more could one want?