[BurntBrat]

I'm new here. I've found all the forms and know what I need to do to get started. But upon researching some of the exhaustive things that need to be done I'm wondering if the outcome will even be successful. Here's my situation...

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, living together for 7. We've lived in Texas for 5 years as well. I have a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship (never married the father). My husband has been in her life and supporting her since she was a little over 2. Her biological father has never paid a penny in child support, but then I've also never sued him. I have done well enough financially that I didn't think it was worth the hassle for the little amount of money I'd get (he's an over 30 perpetual student and lives off grant money and the occasional summer job). Her biological father sees her for two weeks during the summer, and one week during the holidays. He calls her once a month if she is lucky, but has gone over two months without speaking to her. When she was younger I used to hassle him about keeping in touch, but now I don't care anymore. As my daughter has grown older she feels more and more left out because she has two siblings that are both mine and my husbands. She makes comments about the last name and things like that. My husband has never shown favoritism, he actually wanted to adopt her in the beginning but I said no because I thought it was important for her to have a relationship with her dad. Now my daughter hates going to her dad's house. He's not a responsible guy, and she has to fend for herself usually. He let her go to the community swimming pool alone during the afternoons last summer and that didn't sit well with me (maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't think 9 is old enough to be out alone for hours). But the last straw was when she returned from his house this summer and she told me that he always yells at her when she cries (she's always very homesick the first few days) and accuses her of loving her step dad more than she loves him. I know her father has a terrible temper and can become violent if pushed really hard, but I didn't know that he'd been getting angry with her to that point. So my daughter and I talked about my husband adopting her. She wants to do it, but she seems a little tentative because she's afraid she'll have to see her dad and he'll lose his temper. I don't think her father will voluntarily give up his parental rights, even with the threat of having to pay child support. I would like to explain to him that it doesn't mean he won't see her again, he just won't have a legal say in her life (does he really have a legal say right now? I don't think so). Do you think it's worth it to go through with this when the father is sort-of involved and it will probably be a big fight? Anyone know my chances of getting his rights terminated without his consent? Any advice? Past experience? Thanks for all your help in advance. It's a big decision and I can use all the input I can get.

[stepadoptionblog]

If he wishes to stay involved in her life, and you feel that he would fight the adoption, then most likely he will, and you have to be ready for that. As it stands right now with him having contact with her on a 'regular' basis, the courts are not going to be very willing to terminate his rights, there has to be just cause to do so, and her being homesick while she is there ( which is what he will most likely argue is the issue) is not going to be seen as such.

You could try to sue him for child support, and he may then be willing to sign over his rights in order to get out of having to pay. Even if he is not willing to his rights away, you will end up with more money, but he could in turn sue for more visitation. Courts now a'days are not as willing to do full custody, as they want the child to be able to see and have both parents in his or her life.

If you are feeling as though it isn't worth the big fight that you are anticipating, then that would be your answer. Give it some time and see what happens, sometimes parents get tired of the day to day struggles of long distance parenting and walk away on their own when you least expect it. Begin to document how often there is contact and how your daughters behavior is at home and at school both before and after contact. If you do decide to go to court for an adoption or custody, documentation can go a long way to helping a case. Make sure that your notes are well organized, and as unbiased as possible. If your ex does something well, or right then give him credit for that. If everything is simply negative the courts can take it as simply a bitter ex going after the other ex.

Stepparent Adoption Blog

[josette5987]

Well as being a person that did a voluntary termination of rights in texas. My x-husband hda promised me after the divorce was final that he would never keep me from my daughter. It was about 6 months after our divorce was final and there were some things happening that I let her stay with him even though I had joint custody. The day I went to sign the termination papers there was a promise made that he would never keep her from me. Well my parents got their grandparnet rights to see her and know I have no contact words don't mean anything. There should be some sort of gaurantee.

[hillfamily4]

What possible guarantee could be asked for? If you voluntarily relinquish your rights, that's just what it means. You agree to have no rights. Why on earth do something like that and then complain you have no rights as if someone other than you gave them up? No one did this to you. You did it to yourself. I'm mystified!