[sioleabha]

We are about to start an uncontested step-parent adoption. I am going to adopt my husband's two children, and the bio-mom is willingly giving up her rights.

Our lawyer quoted us $3,000. In one of the archive threads I read that $2,500 was a reasonable price. But looking over posts explaining how to do it on your own, it looked like we could do this for about $200 if we don't have to do a homestudy. Is that right?

How often / under what circumstances are homestudies required? Does it depend on the county, the judge, or certain situations? I have a feeling that the judge who has been handling the custody and child support would be very sympathetic to us since he's already ordered the bio-mom be put in jail for contempt of court.

[txtaylor]

Michelle,

It'll cost a lot less if you do the step-parent adoption "pro se". I have done it and have had many people use my info and do it on their own with no difficulties. I can send you the info if you would like. Also, in the state of Texas "home studies" and not required for a "step-parent adoption". However, it is really up to the judge if he wants one or not.

[txtaylor]

OOOPS ~

Here's a basic cost breakdown if you do it pro se:
1 - Petition - Between $150 & $250
2 - Background check - $15
3 - Notary fees (typically the bio relinquishing pays these $6.00)
4 - Birth Certificate Modification - $65 (if memory serves me correct)
5 - If you have to have a home study they should cost about $300.

[sioleabha]

Jen,

Thanks for the info! I have downloaded the Word docs that you posted in another thread: Adoption Certificate, Adoption Order, Adoption Procedure, Interstate Compact, Section 152.209 Information, Biological Consent, Stepparent Adoption, and VRPR Affidavit. Is that everything I need?

I have one question: why change the birth certificate? It doesn't make sense to me that the birth certificate should list the adoptive mother instead of the birth mother.

[txtaylor]

Well for me I wanted everyone in my family to have the same last name. I also wanted my husband to be listed as his dad since the adoption is giving him all rights of being his biological father. It's a personal decision I suppose, but if you are changing the child's name you really need to get an updated birth certificate at least with the child's name changed.

Yes, the forms you downloaded are indeed all the forms you will need unless your county requests something else. If they do you should be able to visit your local law library for the format.

[sioleabha]

Ah, ok, I see why. We're doing a step-mother adoption, so the kids all already have the right last name. And I just wouldn't feel right being listed as their mom on the birth certificate since I'm not the one who had to go through pregnancy and labour. I'd feel like I was lying or something.

This has always been a little bit of a difficult subject for me. As far as I am concerned, I AM their mom and I have been for 4 years. But I have to explain myself to doctors who want to know why I only marked down 3 pregnancies when I have 5 children sitting with me. Or when women are discussing giving birth, and they assume I've done it 5 times, and they ask me questions about it. To make matters worse, I'm not old enough to have a 6 year old and a 7 year old. When my daughter was born, I was 16 -- and a virgin! (Hope that's not TMI.) I just hate always having to say, "Oh, they're my step-children."

I guess that's a big part of why I wanted to adopt my kids. People laud step-fathers for stepping in where deadbeat dad's stepped out. But people don't even think step-mothers are really mothers since usually the kids live with their "real" mom. I want to REALLY be the mom, even if I don't "fudge" the facts. Adoptive moms are REAL moms.

I know, it's silly. They just mean so much to me. These kids literally transformed my life. I love them!

Michelle

[txtaylor]

Michelle,

If you take the step in becoming their "mom" instead of just being their "step mom" then you have the right to be on the birth certificate. You are not lying when it comes to this. When the biological mother relinquishes her rights and you take them over you are their "MOM". You are held legally responsible for them. Age has nothing to do with having children. I was 18 when I had my oldest son and I'm proud of what I've done with him and my life. My husband would have been 15 in order to have been his biological father, but he has stepped in and is his "Dad" in all accounts. All of my boys are my husbands. Just because he's adopted them doesn't make it less so.

I think you need to think about the decision to adopt. Maybe you aren't ready for the responsibility of being their mother forever. I don't know of many people that adopt and don't want their children's birth certificate to reflect them as their parent. If you decide to get on an airplane with your children you will have to bring a birth certificate with you so the airline can verify that you are indeed these childrens parents. If your name isn't on it you can have difficulties getting on the plane. Before my brother and sister-in-law were married they had a child and this situation came up. My brother had to give permission for my sister-in-law to take her own child on the airplane and that it wasn't some kind of child custody issue and that she wasn't running away with my nephew. You don't have to tell anyone that they are your adopted children. They are your children. Yes, you can tell your doctor that you adopted, but it's not anyone's business other than yours, your husband's and the biological mother's. I'm sorry to be rattling on and on about this, but it's a major life decision. I feel very strongly about adoption and the benefits of it for the child. I wouldn't want anyone to tell me that my husband wasn't my sons' father and they can't. Best of luck to you on your decision.

[jcp]

Does anybody have any information on what forms I need to start the adoption of my stepdaughter? On her birth certificate my wife's name is there for her mother, but for the father my wife chose to put "unknown". I would imagine this is an open and shut case since the biological father has been nonexistent for the full five years of our daughters' life, but I don't know if it qualifies for UNCONTESTED. My wife and I would really like to avoid the attorney fees and if we could just find the correct forms to file so we could get things started. If anybody can help with information or knows how to get the Texas forms needed I would appreciate it. Please email me at justinpaumen@hotmail.com Thank You

[cd0826]

Would you send me the forms that you send the other person for a step parent adoptiong. Thank you and then help me on what all I need to do. Thank you

[offbeat]

Please oh please send me this info! I am so excited to find someone who has done this on their own. How inspirational! Email addy is whippet_good@yahoo.com

I am a little nervous that the bio-mom will change her mind at the last minute. I am even more nervous of opening a can of worms...my hubby has total custody with only visitation at his discretion...and his discretion is "here in our house"...she lives in Maryland, we in Texas, so not much issue there. She's come twice in 6 years to see her daughter. Of course, until a year and a half ago, she was in Japan so it was a non-issue even more.

Liz M in Texas...and sorry for rambling!

[ab4547]

Jen,

I have spent almost 3 hours here back and forth trying to figure out how to get the step parent forms. BF has agreed to term. rights. Need forms next. Can you help me with that, or anyone? Thanks.
Val in Fort Worth, TX ab4547@yahoo.com