[myhappy]

When we were taking our PRIDE classes, our instructor told us that we should avoid looking at the state web site because the information given is mis-leading. Since then we have finished our classes and home-study. One of the first questions our CW asked was if we had been looking at the site. I did explain about what we were told and she went quiet and never commented on this. I am feeling a bit confused.
We have put in an interest form on a beautiful little girl on the site but the wording on the site (when compared to the more detailed info we later received) was very sugar-coated.
I don't feel we are being too restrictive on our parameters but we are not set up for certain behaviors and I don't want to waste anyone's time.
It is my understanding that there are daily emails on available children (although we are also fine with legal risk) how does one find out about those kiddos? or is that something that is not done?
Are there 'meet and greet' social gatherings in the state of Texas?
Do I sound eager? LOL, probably because I am

[dachshunds4you]

Are you through the state or agency? There isn't really a list you get emailed on, but your agency will get a list of children available for adoption. Based on the info they receive, they may forward you that email and ask if you'd be interested in that child. They decide based on the info you've given them as to type of children you'd be willing to take.

I would definitely ask your CW about this, and make sure you are considered for these emails.

As for the online site, CW's have to be careful what they post online, since obviously so many people have access to it. They can't give detailed info, until it goes to the next level. I'd still search these sites, that's how we found our current placement. But be aware that many times the children listed online are harder to place, or large sib groups.

Best to you!

[Shelly77]

Originally Posted by myhappy

When we were taking our PRIDE classes, our instructor told us that we should avoid looking at the state web site because the information given is mis-leading. Since then we have finished our classes and home-study. One of the first questions our CW asked was if we had been looking at the site. I did explain about what we were told and she went quiet and never commented on this. I am feeling a bit confused. I don't feel we are being too restrictive on our parameters but we are not set up for certain behaviors and I don't want to waste anyone's time.

We looked on the TARE site and our Princess was on there when we submitted information about her. The information on there is usually accurate in terms of the levels of Mild, Moderate, or Severe for Emotional, Developmental, Medical, etc. However, the details are written to try to put the child in the best light while being honest. The caseworkers can help you understand how to read between the lines. I would say that if you think you have interest in a child, talk to your agency worker and see if they see something that they know would be outside of your "expertise" That will help make sure that you don't waste time on a child who may not be the best fit for you.

Originally Posted by myhappy

It is my understanding that there are daily emails on available children (although we are also fine with legal risk) how does one find out about those kiddos? or is that something that is not done?

I don't know of any daily emails other than those sent to the agencies not the potential adoptive parents. However, if you register on the TARE site for the Adoptive Family Network, then monthly they will send you any updates to the site, just so you can see them without looking through all the site. In addition, on some days, they will send out a summary of specific children for whom they are looking for parents. The emails aren't about any kids that aren't on TARE though.

Originally Posted by myhappy

Are there 'meet and greet' social gatherings in the state of Texas?
Do I sound eager? LOL, probably because I am

I don't know of any meet and greets but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Good luck to you

[myhappy]

thanks for all the advice. I went to my email just before coming over to this site and my cw had sent me a new email. She said that our 7-13 age range and wanting an individual child was the issue. we are being encouraged to lower our age range and be open to sibs. -- I would love to have sibs but we just don't have the room, and we have college age kids right now so we were hoping to get an older child so that the kids could all be kids together. the hubby is not a happy camper right now and i am feeling a bit overwhelmed.
-we are thru the state BTW, we went to our info meeting spring of 2008 and felt like going thru the state would be best for us.

[Shelly77]

That's odd. Most of the kids on TARE are older, not younger. I would advise you to look on TARE and just see who's there that you might have an interest in.

There is no harm in doing that.

Do you mind me asking which area of Texas you are in?

[LadyBugz]

I just did a search on TARE for individual children ages 7-12 and came up with 227 kids.

What kinds of behaviors are you excluding? That would be the biggest thing on your list that would limit children, in my opinion.

[CaddoRose]

Don't worry about feeling confused, it comes with the territory. No one ever has the definitive answer on anything. Don't change your age group because you feel pressured to do so. I find it extremely odd that they are telling you to lower the age because most of the kids on the TARE site are older. If you don't have room for sibs, then stick to your decision.

I don't know if anyone has explained how kids end up on the website, but I'll give you the short of it. These are kids whose bio parent's rights' have been terminated(TPR). They are not being adopted by their foster families. (Many reasons for this). They will probably have some issues, it's just a matter of understanding what issues you are willing to care for or deal with. Typically, these are the kids who have been in care for a lengthy bit of time. It can take anywhere from 1-2 years to TPR parents, and sometimes more.

The daily emails you mentioned are sent out by the Central Placing office to all agencies/ state offices. Your CW looks at these and tries to find a suitable match for your family. As far as I know there isn't a way for you to get these because they contain confidential information.

If you are interested in fostering with the hopes of adoption, then you have a better chance of a placement, but also run the risk of seeing the child reunited(RU'd). Foster families are usually given the right to adopt if the parents are TPR'd and there is no relative to take them. So kids on the TARE site have gone through all possible placements already.

The info on the TARE site is written that way for a purpose. Due to confidentiality laws they can not reveal publicly any of the true words to describe a child with any issues. Hence a description that says " needs strong supervision" could mean a child with extreme behaviors due to SA, or severe neglect, etc. They can't put the words RAD(reactive attachment disorder) out there either. You get the idea.

It can take time to find the right child for you. Yet again another part of the system. Welcome to the world of foster/adopt.

[myhappy]

This site is such a great place, I always feel like I can breathe again. We are in region 3. We are hoping to adopt a little girl, our age range is 7-12. We started off as adopt only, changed that to foster to adopt with the understanding that we are most interested in adopting. Our CW told us to go 'legal risk', so we did. We are open to mild levels across the board. We are in a small subarb and it was recommended that we limit our race to cauc, or his.
A family friend made the comment that if we keep hitting brick walls maybe we need to reconsider going through with this, I thought about it for a split second. Reminded myself that she has not been supportive from the get go - you all have helped me get some prespective, thanks to you all

[txwannabemom]

Yes. please ignore people who try to tell you "if it is hard it must be wrong" this is a hard process, for everyone.

There are many 7-13 yr old individual girls available. MANY some with major concerns many just too "old" to be considered by others.

My daguhter is 7- was labeled severe- and it took 3 months from liscenced to home for her. There are lots of kids available who are mild. Look at TARE today! I can name 8-10 children who fit your catagories who are listed this very moment.

You may be looking for the AFN bulliten emails. I was told these are recieved by the adoptive worker, though I have been told some families get them. I never did, my dear friend did and she forwarded me my daughters picture months before I was actually licensed.

Meet and greets vary by region and even agency.

Good luck to you!

[3SistersMom]

Originally Posted by myhappy

This site is such a great place, I always feel like I can breathe again. We are in region 3. We are hoping to adopt a little girl, our age range is 7-12. We started off as adopt only, changed that to foster to adopt with the understanding that we are most interested in adopting. Our CW told us to go 'legal risk', so we did. We are open to mild levels across the board. We are in a small subarb and it was recommended that we limit our race to cauc, or his.
A family friend made the comment that if we keep hitting brick walls maybe we need to reconsider going through with this, I thought about it for a split second. Reminded myself that she has not been supportive from the get go - you all have helped me get some prespective, thanks to you all

We are also in Region 3, just getting started with the process. How long have you been waiting for a placement? Did you go directly through CPS or through an agency? We are going through an agency, hoping for CC infant placements with the intent of eventually adopting. Any insight you have would be appreciated!

thanks!

[myhappy]

i wish i did have some incite,
we went to our first info meeting back in 08' had to wait a couple of months for pride classes because the holiday season had started. did our classes, then re-did lots of paperwork (keep copies of everything!) due to things getting lost. then fingerprinting (this was something of a nightmare, it took almost 2 weeks for someone to call the agency that did the fingerprinting, to give the go ahead, so that we could even make an appointment!), health and safety inspection happened during this time. -oh in case no one has mentioned it... get trashcans with lids. we were not aware of that and had to be re-inspected because our trashcan was in a closet but did not have a lid. then home study time. talk about nerves!!! i heard horrible things about the home study but we had a great investigator and it was actually fun. we waited and waited to hear anything, finally (about a month later) i called and asked how things were going. i was told we had been approved and that our fad worker would be in touch. another couple of weeks and i called again. i asked for a name, phone number, something... got a name and number.
woohoo we were on our way! called our fad worker and she said we were approved... but not...
'WHAT?' - i was ready to scream. turns out someone had not changed the status in the computer and she needed final approval. a couple of weeks later i took off work and drove over an hour to her office. it was taken care of right then.
so now we are all approved but have been waiting since the start of September for news. we have been told that we need to lower our age range and consider sibs.
- i did put in a inquiry on 2 kiddos one was out of state and her worker (who was a doll) said she really needed more therapeutic care and the on the second little angel, our fad worker said there was a 'bit' of misrepresentation. and that she would need long term care and may not ever be able to live independently. (she was listed as mild needs by the way).
well i have ranted enough i think... we are still hopeful and are trusting in God's timing. I have put in 3 calls to our fad worker these last 2 weeks but am waiting to hear back from her. i know we need to ask a lot more questions. i wish you tons of luck lots of patience and encourage you to stay on the boards. they are keeping me sane! it is wonderful to have a place to talk and have others nod in understanding (even if the nod is virtual)

[3SistersMom]

We decided to go through an agency because we heard so many things like this about the licensing process through CPS. So far, I get pretty speedy responses to emails, along with a ETA of her next contact with us. Right now, our application is in their office, and she has promised to contact me by the end of the week with instructions of what we need to do next.

Since our PRIDE classes don't start til January b/c of the holidays, I'm going to spend the next six weeks or so gathering nursery items and child-proofing the house. Thanks for the tip about the trashcan! Who would have thought!?!

I love being able to talk to others who get it...and the info is awesome. This site is a breath of fresh air! Thank you so much for your reply! I look forward to moving through this process and making some friends along the way!

[HONUVALEBEL]

Hey there. I just wanted to step in and give you hope about searching for a match, even on TARE. I am in region 3 also and took PRIDE classes in July/August of 2008. (finally licensed, straight adopt, 3/1/09) We were told that TARE is the LAST place that you want to look for match and that they were all "trouble". Well, I couldn't help searching it anyway every day. I found two boys (were were looking for 1!) that are brothers and were considered "moderate" emotionally in April, 2009. I submitted our interest form and within two days we received a call from our CW saying that the boy's CW was actually from our same area and wanted to meet with us to tell us more about them. We did. I will have to say that it all was pretty sugar coated. But... prior to meeting them, we got to read their entire "de-identified" file and BOY were we surprised at what they had been through and their behavior that came out of it. The more we read, the more compelled we were to help these children. Anyway, we decided to move forward and met them. We continued meetings pretty aggressively through summer 09 so to try to get them to move in prior to a new school year. They moved in 3 DAYS before school started and it has been fantastic! They were each on 7 (yes, 7) medications (completely drugged!) and they are both now medication-free! You will find that the TX foster care system is WAY overmedicated. All that these boys needed was a chance. I'm sure that not everyone has been this fortunate, but we have been blessed beyond belief! With boundaries, lots of love, reassurance that they are "not going anywhere", hugs, and great communication with their teachers, we have made major strides. Now our biggest problem is to try not to go WAY overboard at Christmas! We cannot wait.

Hope this helps a little.

[DeneenM]

Honuvalebel thank you so much for sharing your story!! We are in the process of applying for a sibling group of three boys who were previously on TARE. I heard the same hub-bub that these kids were the hardest to place and don't look there. These kids have tugged at my heart since the moment I heard about them. We're waiting on our RAS now - and I've been doing a lot of reading and research and have been in contact with Special Ed Teachers and I along with my husband have been 100% confident in our decision. Seems like we hear or read an awful lot of negative comments. So it was wonderful reading that love does prevail in real life. I truly hope your story touches more people to not rule out the kids on TARE. Hang in there myhappy - your daughter is out there - I just know it!!

[dachshunds4you]

Honuvalebel - I must say I agree. We found our daughter on TARE last Dec. She was placed in another home that disrupted, and we received her in our home 2 1/2 wks ago.
I know we're still honeymooning, but her behaviors are more tantrum and stuff, which goes towards her being the baby and always getting her way.
I agree they completely over medicate these kids to shut off their emotions. Thankfully her dr is gradually decreasing her meds as well.

The first time I checked the TARE, is the time we found our daughter! There are a lot of great kids on there who need a chance, and who can become something great if given a chance. best to all of you!