[linda3995]

We adopted our DD when she was 8 mo. and is now 6 1/2.

We are in the process of adopting a sibling group (4-13years old) and since we are doing straight adopt mix of kids, I'm not sure what the first meeting will be like - and a little nervous that I won't know what to say or talk about.... has any one gone through straight adopt without getting to know them first through foster?? Any suggestions or stories to help??

Thanks!

[theruhls]

It sounds as if we are in the same boat you are. Hoping to find out this week if we were chosen for a sibling group of 5. I have heard so many different stories when it comes to ICPC, number of visits required, when they will start... do you have any info on that? Maybe we can help each other out.

[linda3995]

It sounds like every state (and every situation) is different - based on the siblings themselves. We go to review the record on Friday - so right now I have no idea. Sometimes the state wants to move quickly and other times, they don't! It's "hurry up & wait" - I think they like to test patience to see how much people can tolerate - which may not necessarily be a bad thing.

I'll post again on Friday! How old are the kiddos in your sibling group?

[theruhls]

"my kids" are ages 3-10. What region are you adopting from? You are in the process of adopting...so you have been through the staffing selection? Can you tell me a bit about that? Ours was supposed to be last week, but got cancled due to weather. It is looking very good for us, but I am still trying not to get my hopes up. Did you find out your decision on the same day as the staffing?

[tctahoe]

usually at the staffing you find out directly afterwards. what happens at a staffing usually isn't told to us. You don't go to it. We have been to a few and were recently sleected for a group of 3, but what happens is your FAD worker will call you after or during the staffing, presumably during a break, and give you additional information. It is during the staffings that the children's casewoker, therapists, foster parents, CW supervisor will present the children, this is where you will get 'some' more information regarding the children. But yes, usually directly after the staffing they will notify the family that has been selected.

[theruhls]

just found out that our staffing is scheduled for tomorrow some time. I am on pins and needles. I'm glad that I'm hearing the same thing from lots of people- that I'll most likely hear the decision tomorrow....but I don't want to hear that at the same time. Someone once said that they don't want to/like to know when they are up for a staffing because it just makes life harder. That's for sure! I'm going to be a wreck for the next 24-30 hours. I see so much heartache on the board, so I'm trying desperately not to get my hopes up. Lots of prayers for my family and I... we just want what's best.

[tctahoe]

it's hard to not get your hopes up! But on the other hand it is so much better to know when there is a staffing than not knowing at all. Because once it's over then it's over. But to not know if you even had a chnace or were one of the top 3 to me is so much harder. Sometimes we would put in on groups and wait and wait and wait and then after 2 or 3 months they would disappear and you would never hear or know anything. My thoughts are with you. I do know that I had sleepless nights knowing that a staffing was the next day. On the staffing that we were selected, I was informed of the time too! LOL! It didn't help, I just paced the house until my FAD worker called. I didn't want to leave for fear I'd miss her call, and wouldn't you know it, I did have to leave for like 5 minutes and she called within that time. But they have pretty in depth discussions about everything while in the staffings from what I've learned. I truly think that they do their best to fit the child/children with the best family.

[theruhls]

well, this is the second chance for the staffing. It was supposed to happen last wednesday, but it's in Texas so it was canceled. It was supposed to be at 1130 am, so I just kept myself busy all morning. When my SW called, I panicked only to hear that it had been postponed. ugh. So, it is rescheduled for tomorrow. I didn't even ask the time. ha ha. Don't want to know. I am, by nature, a very optimistic person. But I don't know....I just don't see it happening for us. We have been at this for almost a year, and have inquired about TONS and TONS, most likely over 200 cases. But this is only our second staffing. So I'm figuring that it would still be too good to be true. I am nesting like crazy. ha ha!! Our SW said that she has a good feeling about this, and I am suprised that she'd say that... knowing to not get our hopes up. What's your take on that? I'm hoping she just knows something that we don't.

[dachshunds4you]

May I ask what the staffing is? Is this when they have made their selection of 3-5 families (or whatever the number is) to finally choose which family it is?
Does your worker let you know when it is? Just curious...since I hate the not knowing either...it would be nice if they responded to the homestudies with a yes or no or maybe...so we aren't kept wondering and waiting

[tctahoe]

yes, you're right on. the staffing is when they have narrowed the homestudies down to a select few, usually 3 but anywhere from 3-5 and then they arrange a mtg between the children's cw, therapists, cw supervisor, foster parents (Unless they are up for selection) the family's cw, their supervisor etc. everyone involved except us the pre-adoptive families. In answer to do we know all the information and when these things happen etc. NO and it is so frustrating. There are times you may have gone to staffing, but weren't selected so you know nothing. You don't know if there was ever a staffing or if somethin else changed in the children's plan or whatever. Sometimes when we've put in on groups we found out way later that the plan changed and no homestudies were reviewed. This was after like 6 mos. So, it is a frustrating process, so for me to know when the staffing was just seemed huge to me! I was on pins and needles, but the best part was that at least I knew when the decision would be made and could go on from there. It would be great if they responded, but they don't. In fact we inquired on 2 groups back in July and their cw just now got hold of us to see if we were still interested.....our worker is actually better than most, but she doesn't let us know anything until it's all good to go. The only way that I knew about the staffing was actually from the cw. If ever you can talk to the children's cw that is the key!

[theruhls]

We had our staffing today...our first one. it was scheduled for last week, but was canceled due to weather. It was held today and I was a wreck all morning. Only to find out...that we have to wait until next week to hear a decision. I read on blogs, forums, chat boards...everything, and almost everyone was unanimous that I'd hear something today.... but wouldn't you know it...We'd be the odd ball out. I don't think I can make another week! I'm hoping they make up their mind sooner?

[tctahoe]

We, too, have heard that news on a few staffings. And every staffing we were not selected. Don't get discouraged, but keep in mind that usually what is happening and why they are waiting is that usually one or more of the individuals present were asked to produce more information. That is usually what has happened before. Because theoretically the families up for selection their strengths and weaknesses aren't going to change, but maybe they had testing recently that the results aren't back or something like that. We were in for a staffing for one group of 4 and the cw said the staffing was on xx day and she would let me know after the staffing (this was the children's cw) and I didn't hear for like a week. Then she said it would take another week. So I emailed her after that time and she said that it had been a very long staffing and indeed a family had been selected and she was sorry it wasn't us.

So, it's probably just more information needed to make the selection. Keep your fingers crossed.

[theruhls]

greaaaat. Now I'm REALLY discouraged. Has anybody been told that they'll hear in a week and gotten GOOD news?

[tctahoe]

oh no, I wouldn't get discouraged. your staffing has been the one-off since the beginning. maybe someone just couldn't make the staffing and they are waiting on info from them, you know it could just be something stupid like that. I woudn't give up at all, your staffing hasn't been the norm. It is frsutrating that you don't know why they haven't made a decision and you know that they all are not sitting around every day discussing it, so it's frustrating not knowing the real reason behind it. Becasue it takes several signatures to make a selection so they have to all be together to do that, maybe they are having another mtg next week.

[linda3995]

Our caseworker submits on our behalf for the kids that meet our criteria and only lets us know when we are either chosen or it's between us and another family - it is hard to wait, but I think it shows character in a family that is patient.

Our first DD, we were selected out of "34" other families - had I known that going in, I would have assumed the worse! I'm glad I didn't find out until we were selected.

Our record review was pushed out ANOTHER week on the sibling group we submitted for!

Once your selected - the "hurry up & wait" doesn't end!!!

Good luck!