[tctahoe]

wwe are in TX and we are straight adopt. We were licensed 4/08 and were selected in January for a sibling group of 3. The children are not on the TARE board, but are TPR'd.
Visits will be at least 2 months long is what I am told to make the transition smooth. The files will be ready for us this week and then we will move forward from there. I am not sure if their psych eval's have been completed yet and we have to get in our final paperwork before visits will start.

We sent in roughly 60-70 request probably. Many we never knew or heard back on. All of the children we submitted interest on were in TX and most were on the TARE board. We were in 5 or 6 RAS's that I know of. Beyond that I don't even know if we were close or not. I feel really lucky with the group we were chosen for. If I hadn't worked as hard as I did to get to know the caseworker I don't know if we would have had a chance. One of the couples we went through PRIDE with suggested this to me as they did the same thing and got to know the caseworker. Most oftern you never get to know who that person is, but in this case we were very lucky.

[Mommy2NoneHopefully1]

Well from my experience people make comments no matter how many you adopt. People insinuate its "trendy" or "chic", but this is what I would tell them. "Imagine how great it would feel to change a childs life & to love them forever & to be their mom when they don't have one" then tell them "multiply that feeling by 5, & thats the reason!" Just know you are changing lives by giving them the gift no person can live without & thats love. But most of all enjoy every single second. People who dont understand why you do what you do, don't have the heart you have. Every little triumph is worth it. With our little boy it was the little things, like him running to me when he got hurt or, asking me to give him a kiss, instead of me always asking.

[Binny]

Linda3995: Did you get to meet them? How did it go? What did you decide to bring/do?

[linda3995]

We haven't met them yet - we read the records last week and a few additional notes and with the exception of a few minor things, the CW is going to present our photobook to them next week Wednesday and we'll go from there. SHe is also supposed to give us a possible timeline for the events. I'll post after Wednesday once I know how the kiddos reacted to the book.

[Shelly77]

My husband and I are certified as foster and fost/adopt parents here in Texas and are awaiting our first placement.

In reading this thread I began to wonder if those of you that were going through staffing had any information about the children other than general information from the TARE or adoption sites.

If I'm reading these posts correctly, you don't see their files until you are matched through staffing. It seems like there is so much that you could be unaware of that you wouldn't know until you saw more than what is on the TARE file. What if you don't think you can handle it but they selected you in the staffing? How would that work?

I'm just curious - If I'm reading the posts correctly, I'll definitely stay with the fost and fost/adopt because that sounds strange to have so little information before you are "selected".

Am I missing something in this process?

[tctahoe]

Hi Shelley,Welcome! It is true that you don't get much information. At the staffing when the children are presented you do obtain additional information regarding the children. What is listed on TARE and other sites is the best possible picture of the children in the hopes that it will lead to interest. You will notice certain phrases used often, has authority issues or best with male role models etc. these may or may not be clues to something bigger and usually are, in my experiences. After you are selected you wait for he de-identified papers. This still isn't full disclosure, but it gives you more of an idea of the children. This is about 4-6 weeks down the line. You read the files then decide if you would like to move forward. I have read of some members of the board that the children were nothing like the descriptions listed.

How do you move forward? Well, many of us consider it like having your own children. You take the good with the bad. These kids have been through alot and to get to this point has been a long time for some of us and we have had a long time to contemplate what we can and what we can't handle. These are the criteria you give to your sw when you are being matched with children to begin with. Simply what will you take and what won't you...

There are cases where the children are definitely more than the parents were expecting and those some have disrupted, some have gone through services and it helped, I've read alot of stories like that on this board.

Sadly, we thought we were going to have all of this information while going through this process, but that's not how it works. There is little to no information and what you get is usually skewed. But most often in the end, things usually come around.

[theruhls]

Hey all.
I figured I'd drop in and give you an update. We're the ones that are adopting from TX, but live in NC. We are adopting 5 more kids, in addition to our 3 bio. I'll have 8 kids under the age of 11. Why does this make me so giddy?!?!?
I suprised my husband at the airport (just getting back from a TDY-temporary deployment-he's US Air Force) with a pack of cigars and the kids' pictures. The reaction was great. He teared up and all of his troops were shaking his hand and giving him hugs. They all knew he was waiting for a call about them while being gone.
So, we got selected on Feb. 5th from the staffing. The childrens' BOX of information got mailed to our social worker soon after. We recieved the info on Feb.15th. We sat down and devoured it, and feel like we know more about our kids now, and what they've been through. I did have a couple of questions, about sexual activity being written up. I felt that the kids were just goofing off, and being written up for it (example- one girl was written up for wiggling her but while dancing, without having permission to do so). In my eye, it looked as if the foster mom was somewhat uptight. but i wanted to make sure what the situation was, and not just my heart wanting these kids. does that make sense?

the call with the kids' worker went fantastically. it really eased a lot of my fears. I feel more comfortable, more confident in the fact that this was a good match. I am trying to stay on the optimistic side, that the kids will really do well here at our house.
So, after we read the profiles, we called back with a "definite yes." And now the ICPC paperwork will start. they won't let us visit them until it has gone through. I asked how long of a wait...she said they hope to get papers submitted FROM TX to NC by the 28th, and then the wait begins.

Anybody know how fast NC works with ICPC. I've heard that it used to be slow, but has gotten tremendously better?

Yes, Tx wants 3 visits still. However, we found out that they can move along rather smoothly, if everybody isdoing well. that's the kicker. IF everyone is adjusting and handling it all well, then they can all take place simultaneously technically. One visit has to be an afternoon visit, when you first meet the kids. THe 2nd visit has to be an overnight visit (BTW...anybody have any pointers on how to do 8 kids and 2 adults in a hotel? we have an RV, but i doubt they'll let us use that). and the 3rd visit has to be out here to our house in NC. The first and the second visit usually take place over the same weekend. And then she mentioned, that if things were going well, and we were in state, then she'd just let us take the kids home with us for the 3rd visit right then. I told her we'd be okay with that if everyone else is (the state and the psych state of the kids). So that is a possibility she says. She really thinks they are going to do well out here and with us, so she is preparing for this all to go rather fast, if we are okay with it. No sense in dragging it out if we are ready for them to come, and the kids are ready to go with us.
So right now, we are running around like chickens' with our heads cut off. making bookshelves, coat racks, buying more bikes, husband is going to make bunk beds next weekend....i'm nesting/spring cleaning x 10! cleaning out closets, and making space wherever we can find it.

So, right now we wait on ICPC paperwork to get sent to NC, have it received, and then a go ahead to plan our first visit. If the paperwork gets to NC by the 28th, then I'm thinking we'll possibly meet our kids (and then the possibility of taking them hometoo) durring the 2nd or 3rd week of March.

[TxMom65]

I have no idea about ICPC but want to wish you luck.
Do you know if there is anywhere near where you will be that rents cabins or something similar? If I stayed in a hotel I can only think if an adjoining suite with mom with girls/dad with boys.
I remember when we read my daughter's file we had things jump out at us that stung. The reality of having her home made all of the work before seem like a vague dream. Then is when the work starts, lol.

[dachshunds4you]

Congratulations!! How excited you must be. I know for foster care an ICPC can take a few weeks to a few months. Not sure if it's different for adoption. It probably all depends on who is working on it and how good they are about getting done. I would just stay on top of that person.
I would definitely suggest 2 rooms or a suite like room. I think you said they are in our region 3 but do you know what city?
Once again congrats! Keep us posted.

[linda3995]

Wow - we are running neck & neck (ha). They are showing the kiddos our life/photo book on Saturday (28th)and then we will find out on Monday the kids reaction - from there, we will start to tentatively start scheduling out dates for visits, etc. I'm really wanting a sloooooow transition to really get to know the kids before coming home for good. I'm definitely needing to learn how to cook!! keep us posted.

[Binny]

Grats you 2 and keep us posted. We found out earlier this week we were the second choice for the TX sibling group we applied for. We are sad, but happy the kids will have a good home.

[linda3995]

Well ... here is our update:

Our first visit was an "8" on a scale of 1-10. We met the CW & kids at the CPS office and proceeded to the bowling alley for two hours.

The two youngest girls (5 & 8) wanted to know when they could spend the night and were very open & outgoing. The oldest girl (10) was quiet and reserved but smiled a lot & asked my husband questions. BUT - then of course there was the oldest, who is a 13 y/o boy...

He was respectful when we asked him questions, but didn't want to get to know us. The sad part is we could tell the oldest girl wanted to ride with us with her sisters, be more outgoing, etc. but we believe she was torn between us and loyalty to her brother. I guess time will tell through a very slow transition period before they can move in....

[theruhls]

tell me more! we are probably going to have our first visit in a few weeks. tell me more! did you just have one afternoon? Are you adopting from in state? when will your overnight be? what happens next for you?

[linda3995]

We are adopting within the state of texas. We live in Austin the kids are in Houston. 2 1/2 hours to their foster home 3 hours to the CPS office each way.

What a rollercoaster ride!!! Kids CW is saying we need to take it slow because of the older boy - our caseworker says we need to be seeing them more often. It's like having your parents & your in-laws plan your wedding!!!

Our first visit was the last Saturday, the 7th for two hours. We were told by the kids CW it would be great if we could come observe them on the ~~ 21st~~while they interact with their older siblings (not in fostercare any longer) - I'm sure they love their siblings, I don't need to watch them for two hours to know that.

Next week is both ours & the kids spring break - WHAT ABOUT THAT WEEK?????? lol - I'm just venting frustration before I get on the phone and call the caseworker. I don't want to push this and I do want to take it slow, but I'm not sure I agree with this speed!!!! If it were just the girls this would be easy, but when you have a resistent 13 year old boy (that ones everyone shys away from) it makes it hard. I don't want to throw in the towel, but I don't know how to get him to "want to try" to get to know us either.....

[2Mig]

My partner and I were just notified today that we have been selected as one of 2-3 families,whose homestudies will be fowarded onto the children's case worker for consideration in a staffing meeting. The sibling group of four is in Texas and we are out of state. Surprisingly, we have been given a significant amount of information already, i.e. pysch evals, personal histories of the children, etc. Has anyone else experienced this when adopting from Texas? Am I "silly" to think that "surely" this kind of information could only be given to thefamily anticipated to be selected? Also, has anyone ever been asked to attend the staffing meetings?

Any input is appreciated.