[aimeek]

I hope not to offend anyone, but I really need to vent and do not mean any offense to anyone.

Ok, we switched from CPS to a private agency so that we could get children over basic care, to increase our capacity, and for the added support that they offer. Here is the deal - we got a placement of a sibling group of 4 - ages 18 months to 5 years, only 1 is in school. Normally, this is no problem for me. I love kids and can handle this amount of kids with my eyes closed. Here is my problem... of these kids, the 2 youngest have NEVER had any rules and have no kind of communication skills. So I feel like I have 3 infants. Then the older 2 have their own different issues from acting out at school, bed wetting, lying, stealing, and the list goes on and on. I have been dealing with this for almost a month and I am almost at the end of my rope. The cw has never even contacted me, their attorney came by for 5 minutes, and their CASA worker came over here and scrutinized me for over an hour. She sat there and made me feel like I needed to raise them the way that she wanted to raise them and do all things her way - thats not going to work, she can foster them herself if that is the case. Anyway, our agency just says we only come by once a month and one phone contact with basic placements and with the holidays and all no one is ever in the office.
I am almost to the point that I have to save my sanity and let them go. Then I am scared that I won't get another placement - it seemed to take forever to get this one.
Does anyone have any suggestions? We have a "break" planned for Jan 18th, but can we survive until then? It is like constant chaos around here with kids that have no idea how to behave.
Any and all comments welcome. Please!

Thanks and I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!

[ms_mckenna]

All I can say is hugs hun. Our last placement was like that. Just wearing me down constantly. I was cranky and stayed irratable I was so thankful that it turned out to be short term. The only thing that kept my sanity is that even though the youngest was 4 we had quiet time EVERY afternoon. I had to have that time to clear my mind. I am sure you are doing that already if it is possible. So like I said no help lol.

I hate that your Casa was like that! We have our first meeting with the one for my new kiddos in the morning and I am worried about it as well. Not knowing what to expect from her.

I am glad you guys have respite coming up! Maybe it will give you a breather and you can clear your head and make a decision about what you need to do to stay sane.

[sdiedre]

Wow! WHO is your agency?? That sounds ridiculous! I am with a private agency in DFW and get great responses to my emails, any phone calls - they even stopped by my JOB to deliver coats for my most recent placements when I expressed my frustration with the boys coming with no winter gear from their previous foster home.

Your agency sounds lousy.....

I also sympathize with your exhaustion. My recent two have two sisters in another home - they were all removed for neglect and NONE (not even the 5yo) could talk, etc. Fortunately, I got my two boys from another home where they had already potty-trained him and gotten some basic stucture established.

Much wishes for a smoother immediate future! One tip - wen you are talking to them (giving direction, correction, affection, etc) MAKE them have eye contact with you. For these kids, they are so unused to parental supervision that if they aren't making eye-contact it is truly like you aren't talking to them.

Good luck!

[sweetsal]

If you are overwhelmed, then you are not able to help these children. It is not fair to you, or the kids. You need to call your agency on the 2nd (after all the holiday stuff is OVER and everyone is back in the office) and talk to your social worker.

I left my agency because they were not supportive. They had their own agenda. They make a profit off these placements. If that comes first, then they are not looking out for your best interests, or the children's for that matter. Hopefully that wont be the case, and you can all come to a plan or resolution for your situation.

No one can tell you what the best result will be. You have to feel it in your gut.

And they will call you again, trust me. They always call.

[CaddoRose]

I agree with Sweetsal, call your SW and find a solution. Our agency will remove kids if we can not seem to make it work. Not all agencies are the same. You shouldn't feel like you are boxed into this placement either. Not every placement works out.

[Lorraine123]

I might be misunderstanding, but didn't you switch to this agency so that you would get children above basic care?

[aimeek]

Originally Posted by Lorraine123

I might be misunderstanding, but didn't you switch to this agency so that you would get children above basic care?

I think that I may have used the wrong wording. I really ment that when we had kids in our home that were not basic care we would be able to level them up to the proper level.

[aimeek]

Thanks everyone for their advice and information. I went to the agency office last week. I brought my list of concerns and things that I wanted to have addressed and I left without one thing resolved. As soon as I got in the car I called my husband and told him we are changing. They are more concerned about their paperwork than any kind of help for the kiddos.

We went with a private agency for 2 reasons. One was being able to level up children that needed it and the other was the added support. There has been no added support. We have had 3 cw since we have been there and there has been no communication between those people so we have to tell each one the same things over and over again. That is getting old. And each new person has their own style and agenda. It is way past enough for us. We are changing.

As far as these kids... We had to have respite for a few hours on Saturday. Even our friends would agree that these kids on their own are a handful. I know that we are the 3rd home that they have been placed in, so I am trying very hard to make this work. We are in this for the kids.

[venetoulias]

Hi , I cant add much , but my support and wish that things work out . Sounds like your getting as much support as we are and were with cps . this is all really confusing , but agree if your not feeling helped how can you support your placements.
lori

[aimeek]

Originally Posted by venetoulias

Hi , I cant add much , but my support and wish that things work out . Sounds like your getting as much support as we are and were with cps . this is all really confusing , but agree if your not feeling helped how can you support your placements.
lori

Thank you for your kind words. We were originally with CPS and switched because we were told we would get "more support". In this case it looks like that is not the case. Knowing what I know now I would not have switched.
Oh well...
We were looking at 2 agencies at the time of our switch and decided to switch again. I hate all the paperwork and transition time. But in the end we just want to be happy with our choice. So here we go again.

Thanks to everyone for all the support! These forums are really here when I just need to clear my head.

[bethy724]

Switching agencies IS a pain in the butt!!! Have you requested a different sw? Have you spoken to her boss? Is her non-supportive attitude the feeling of the agency or her? I'd hate for you to switch if you just got a bad apple. Good luck!!!!

[aimeek]

Originally Posted by bethy724

Switching agencies IS a pain in the butt!!! Have you requested a different sw? Have you spoken to her boss? Is her non-supportive attitude the feeling of the agency or her? I'd hate for you to switch if you just got a bad apple. Good luck!!!!

I am with my second soon to be fourth sw since October. They tell me that the fourth will be the final one for a while. The third that I am on now, we just do not see eye to eye. I had the regional person call me and ask me to basically give them a chance until they get our new worker in place. The issue of course is that the one that I have now is new too. And as I was typing this I just figured out why this is all getting on my nerves soooo bad. Thanks to everyone for letting me vent and get this figured out. The issue that I am having with sw #3 is her insensitivity. She likes to appear as if she knows all the answers yet when I ask her a question she always has to research it. And then she is so insensitive to our issues and concerns and I was told that was the point of having a personal sw and a private agency.
Hope I did not offend anyone. I feel so much better now that I have put my "finger" on this. So I am off to document. These kids keep me so busy I barely have time to keep up with all the paperwork that is required. I am highly organized, but I need sleep too.
I have to admit that these placements have been our biggest challenge yet. And still continue to be. Seems like everyday there is something new and different to overcome.
I will stop rambling for now. Kudos to all of you - this can be tough and sometimes it just helps for someone to tell you that you are doing a great job! So Good Job!