[EmmaLeigh2882]

I have a question, I am sure it has been asked millions of times here on the boards, but I am asking it anyway.

We have two adoptive placement children- which have made extreme progress in the 3 months since we got them...They are 4 and 3 years old. ( Both parents are TPR's for over 1.5 years now)

They were legal risk placement ( bio Gma on mom side wanted them- after no contact for two+ years) Bio mom is in contact regularly with our kids gma ( gma is raising our kids bio half sister as we speak) bio gma failed two home studies.

Everything has been going really well for an early adoption ( we want to take the kids to England with us for Christmas- Texas law states 6mo wait period for foster adoption- unless CPS agrees to an early adoption and then the courts can wave the 6 months- Jan 18th would be our 6 mo mark)

CPS and our agency have been on board with getting our adoption done early- everyone wants to get rid of the gma ( apparently she has some issues?).

Our CPS worker emailed me asking to visit later on this month ( our CPS "monthly visit" is about as regular as MY monthly visit if ya know what I mean ) No one really likes our CPS worker- she doesnt do her work- apparently there have been more then one complaint sent up the line on her work...

I replied that her date/time was fine and hopefully she would come armed with good news about the status of our early adoption....no reply. ( whats new)

I got a call today (Sunday) from our agency worker... ( I love her to death) Friday 4:45 pm she got an email from CPS, the attorney at lidem for the children, CPS and the children's bio gma'a attorney sat down and modified the last home study to read that she failed- but would pass if she took 30 hours of parenting classes. Our Worker has been unable to reach anyone and has been frustraited about the lack on communication ( she was in tears on the phone) And to top it off the email stated that there should be visitation started immediately... Our agency worker said she was floored and PO'ed... This was a 180 to what everyone ( encluding CPS) had discused. Our worker tried to call the CPS worker but there wasnt an answer.
Everyone from Play therapist, to respite sitters to CPS workers to our agency workers have noticed the wonderful change and have been pulling for this EARLY adoption ( since adoption was going to happen anyway).

So here is the question, what can we do? Is it legal to change a home study?
My cousin has friends in the legislation department and is going to email them ASAP ( they are on the road campaining right now) and her friends will be calling my local rep monday or tuesday.
We have no so much as seen or heard from our kids attorney- our agency worker has been requesting the attorneys contact information from the begining and CPS has been "slow" to get her the information ( as of today she still does not have it) our agency worker is going to be calling the CPS superviser, and the angecy director tomorrow. My husband works as a director in the legal department at work- but he is not a lawyer- so he is going to see if any of the corporate lawyers who work for him know of any family? lawyers.

I understand about trying to keep family together ( I personally lost my parents at a young age and only have a brother left) but our kids are young and have only seen their grandmother 1 time in over 2 years- ( She had them for a week when they were placed with an aunt after they were removed from their parents care- the bio gma actually called the CPS worker to pick the kids up- now she wants them??)

Sorry if I sound frustrated... I know the legal risk crap means legal risk- but after two failed home studies and EVERY email and phone call from EVERYONE saying not only are we going to adopt them- but adopt them early.... common- there comes a time to stand up and say enough.

[tcady]

Unfortunatley they often make joint permanancy plans for the kids incase one falls thru.
And they act on both plans, but keeping the adverse plans secret from any other party who might get upset.

My guess is they do this alot with relatives and the relatives dont come thru. They have to have a back up plan of adoption, but adoption takes a long time even if it is sped up, so while they wait to see if Gma does the classes to get custody, they would do the adoption paperwork with you, so they will be ready to proceed with adoption if the Gma doesnt go to all her classes. I am sure Gma feels the same way, why are they planning an adoption for my kids when I want them? She must be livid. She is probabky making alot of effort to get these kids, or CPS wouldnt be giving her another chance. I know it must be hard for you, but it is said over and over in these groups - these kids are not yours until the adoption is final, until then anything that can happen will happen and you cant do anything but deal with the loss as best you can.
And you cant blame the caseworker for working concurrent permanency plans,t hats just how they do it, killing two birds with one stone so to say, having a back up plan already in place....
You have to realize, foster kids come into our homes every day and bond with us and live happily even though we have NEVER met before, so why can't they do the same with a Gma they never met before?
Maybe Gma didnt want to have anything to do with her crack whore daughter and didnt want to help her (I feel the same way about my crackwhore brother)
and she is just now realizing the kids will be lost to adoption if she doesnt get her act together and get approved. Before when she gave them up to foster care she probably thought they;d be in foster care for 3-6 months and mom would get them back, and she didnt want to be her daughters babysitter YET AGAIN...as I am sure she has done before....

I can think of a ton of reasons why these babies should go to Gma. I hope you can try to empathize that these families want their children kept in the family even more than you want to adopt them, they have the bond of birth and blood and genetics and heritage, you have only a few months of bonding, and nothing else.

I am a foster parent hoping to adopt too by the way, but I accepted when I started this endeavor that these chidlren belong whole -heartedly to someone else, and they wont be mine until the adoption papers are signed, and anytime until then, they can be taken from me as easily as they were taken from their birth mom. Nothing is a guarantee, and the casewrokers are famous for lying and filling your head with whatever you want to hear to support their concurrent permanency plans.

I'll pray these babies are placed where god intends them to be so they will be safe and with family who loves them, wether it is with you or their Gma.

[DCMomLady]

Very well said, Tcady.

[foster_bub]

I don't understand something. If the parents rights were terminated that long ago then these children should be legally free for adoption. The appeals from the bio gma should have happend prior to TPR. Though I'm not in TX, it should work the same way as it does here in FL. That they try everything to place the children with a relative prior to TPR. Once the TPR is final, these children should be free and not be considered high risk. Somethings fishy if you ask me.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

Well...we have contacted our state rep, ombudsman, D county reginal director for CPS and CASA.

We are waiting for a return call from the kids GAL ( who have never visited with the kids while they have been here and Tx law states they have to once per quarter)
It looks like we are going to lose them... everyone involved is pro family/relative... ( the Judge, GAL- but NOT CPS apparently)

So starting next month weekly weekend visits are planned- we have to someone convince this GAL that this is not a good idea... otherwise when the Gma is done with parenting class ( 6-10 weeks) they will be gone.... any ideas?

[eternaloptimist]

Hi,
You asked : " Is it legal to change a Home Study ?" The answer is yes,it is. Home Studies are changed,or modified all the time. As to your foster kids,I hope this goes your way. Remember,though,that the goal of foster care is always reunification with blood family members. But, I am in a somewhat similar situation,and I do know,just a little bit,how you feel. Best, Elizabeth.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

Thanks... its one thing to know in your head, its another to know with your heart...

[TexasJingles]

I think here's what I'd ask of everyone: Why has it been 1.5 years since TPR?

I know it took about 8 months for our kids bmom's 1st appeal to be denied, and then she didn't appeal to the state supreme court. Is that what happened here? Was there an appeal that kept the kids in limbo?

And here's another one to ask: In the state of Texas, do grandparents have any rights after the bioparents rights have been terminated? In most places, once TPR happens, gma's don't have any legal rights to appeal or anything. They have the chance to do that long before TPR happens (they look for all kinds of placements before TPR). So, if gma doesn't have a legal right, then they are choosing between 2 potential adoptive families. Hmm, something fishy there.

Here's a suggestion: Can you offer to be respite for the kids if they go to gma? At 3 and 4, they're still a handful I'm sure. When they change homes, they are going to revert back to old behaviors for a while. Gma may just need a break, or even decide that they are just too much. If you put yourself in a good light, in a good position, then you're there just in case. However, if they do go back, if you can't be supportive, then it'll be best for the kids to make a clean break.

I know that J's last foster family loved him dearly and if he hadn't had the 2 sibs, they would have adopted him. We've kept in touch and they are a great support for him and us. The foster family for the other 2, well, it's just better that they stay out of the picture.

Hang in there.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

Well that last few days has brought little sleep, lots of worries, and many changes in the stories of everyone... Long Story Short, the Grandparents are getting them kinda on a trial basis ( visitation) 10/27-10/30 and I guess every weekend after? ( Dont know yet) until they finish parenting classes... ( which apparently they never really NEEDED to have done anyway)... So we are losing these kids... I know they can handle our kids- they are so wonderful and well behaved, well trained kids are a joy to parent...

[EmmaLeigh2882]

I get an EMAIL canceling the kids three day visit with their grandparents who live about 4-5 hours away- after I get them all excited about visiting... How cold- an email?
They don't know when they are scheduling the next visit- there is only two total planned...
How unorganized CPS is.
First they show up a day early for a visit - giving me a hard time because I was expecting them the next day and nearly died from shock when I saw them at the door - I didn't have time to prep the kids and they FREAKED out- they have been removed by this CPS worker before so they ALWAYS freak out when they see her - they have only seen her twice total in our home though. ( I have scratch marks and bruises from the kids grabbing on me so hard...)

They have the nerve to say I am wrong on the dates ( the last time they showed up 2 hours early- we were going to have our agency worker come at the same time and they met at the door -one coming and one going) now they are day early- although when she got back to the office she did email me and apologize saying she did get it wrong not me...

Our CPS worker had her supervisor here with her... apparently no one trusted our worker anymore because she had been lying to everyone... She even started to pull her old crap of "well we just didn't think these grandparents were going to pass so we wanted to make sure you would get them" - her supervisor cut her off saying "we always knew they were going to get these kids- they should have NEVER been placed in an adoptive home" yet we were the 2nd adoptive home these guys were in!!

I just had to point out that we had been telling the kids we were their forevermore home based on the crap that her own worker was giving us ( case in point!) - her supervisor didn't seem to happy with her...

The supervisor did try to give me slack about changing their names- but I was told by everyone it would be OK to do and it would help them form attachments and feel like they belonged ( it worked) I just turned around and give it right back to her- I was so pissed that they would walk into my home and try to pull crap out on me...we are helping them out- not them helping us. We have the money to private adopt if we want to and not even blink twice- we could write a check today for the total amount and it wouldn't even empty the checking account- we feel its our responsibility to help those in need in our own home... its our personal choice to help out our community...

I know this is my first time dealing with all this crap- but it feels like they are picking on my kids ( i know its not true- I have read all the horror stories on here, I guess mine isn't nearly as bad)
I just dint know if I can do this again...
It would be different if we were told the truth to begin with...

Now we have to decide if we want to do this again...
Our plans were to adopt these two, place ourselves on a waiting list for an infant, eventually get one to adopt, wait until they are about a year or two old, then adopt another OLDER child. ( 4 maybe 5 kids total)
Should we keep our plans and just wait for an infant... should we ask for some non infant younger children and start all over again with out plans...
I dint want too many children who are new to us at once- I would prefer just one max two at a time and wait a good while between to really get attached and situated.

( I really would like to get an infant now though)

What should we do?