[jigger]

Hi All,

We recently got our first foster/adopt placement. He's been in our home for about two weeks now. My Bio-daughter is having a hard time accepting the transition from only child to big sister. the fighting, whining and neediness are almost constant around our house. My bio-daughter is 5 and my foster son is 4. I've talked with them both about getting along and sharing and the funny thing is that when they are at school, they do just fine. It's just when they feel like they have to compete for our attention that the problems begin. Does anyone have any handy tips and tricks to help me make my bio-daughter feel less threatened and to make my foster-son more feel secure? We love Cody and hope to adopt him someday but need to make Gabby feel comfortable too. . .

[jackiesbooks]

Try one on one time with Gabby and see if it works.
I have had a placement that did not work because my bio son could not get along with the boy.

[LadyBugz]

How much of Gabby's routine has been changed? From the big things down to the small ones. Did you use to sing to her before bed and now sing to them together? Did you use to walk to the park and now drive? Did you use to have left overs from dinner for lunch and now have PBJ? If everytime she turns around, she finds her expectations being wrong, she's going to blame Cody and see him as the intrusion and problem.

Even if you can't help the routine changes, making new expectations could be helpful. Tuesday ice cream trip with Daddy while Cody goes to the coffee shop with mom. Something she can rely on. And, as mentioned before, where she can be the sole attention.

[TexasJingles]

Just like the others, special times, routine and all that... however...

Give it time. It's only been 2 weeks. I remember my baby sister coming home (I was almost 6 and had been the only child that whole time), and I really wanted a sibling... there were times I told my mom to take her back! It just wasn't what I thought it was going to be! (besides I wanted a brother!)

If it's that hard on bio's with an infant that they've known about for 9 months, think what it can do to a 5 yr old and all of a sudden it's someone close in age taking her "stuff" (that would be mom and dad too).

Just keep talking, loving on her, giving her special time (still have to remind our oldest that he doesn't have to get jealous when I hug one of the others...there's enough hugs to go around).

Good luck!