[jigger]

Hi everyone --

My husband, bio-daughter and I are currently waiting for "the brother" as my daughter calls him. We are fully certified for foster-adopt and are just waiting for the right placement. We've turned in two home studies and have not been chosen for either. We've also received two referrals that we turned down for various reasons. I am having a really hard time saying no to certain referrals and was wondering how you guys have gotten through this. My agency keeps trying to get me to take sibling groups and I really only have space for one more kiddo but I feel horrible anyway.

Thanks

[TexasJingles]

First... Welcome to the board Jigger! Glad you were able to find this great resource before you have a placement. I didn't find it until a month afterwards. This is a great place to find facts, fun and mostly, support from others actually in the trenches.

Ok...on to the question...

It's hard to say no. We were open to a lot of situations, but we were firm on ... we wanted siblings and there had to be at least one of each gender. We preferred them younger than dh's daughter (who was 13 at the time). We wanted them on the track to TPR. I wanted them under grade 6 and 1 under 5. We got all but the last! LOL

We were offered a sib group of 3 boys. They were great boys (1 teen, 1 pre-teen, 1 under a yr old), but no girl. Then we were offered a sib set of 3 (2 boys, 1 girl), but the youngest at 8 was still making a mess in his pants 3-4 times a day. I just couldn't handle that.

It didn't make it any easier to tell our worker no. We went to one support group (placement happened a couple of days after that meeting) and I asked the others there the same question. They all agreed it was hard. You want to please the worker (sort of), but that may not be the best fit for your family.

Feeling bad shows that you have a heart. I wish I could take every child off of the TARE website...well, almost all of them... but I can't. No room, not enough money, and it's not best for anyone...but I still want to protect and shelter those children! They deserve so much more!

See...you're not alone. Your heart will fall for kids (sometimes) long before your brain says ok. Just hang in there...and keep talking with your family. Take it one moment at a time if need be. Bottom line, you have to live with your family daily, not the placement worker.

Hang in there! I wish you the best! And come post here as often as you need, or want! LOL It's my way of destressing. Take care!